(Closed) Decisions Not Good Enough…

posted 12 years ago in Money
Post # 17
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My mom did this too.  She kept telling me that I shouldn’t spend so much time & money planning my wedding.  I believed that it’s a generation/cultural concept difference.  But I still couldn’t help but got upset about it.  Plus the fact that my fiance (now husband) left all the work to me and couldn’t care for anything wedding related … it was not very motivating …

Btw, we were paying 100% of the wedding ourselves and I DIY a lot of things.

Post # 18
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I wonder what your mom is normally like?  I mean, my mom was not hugely supportive of my wedding planning decisions, and it was pretty frustrating and occasionally hurtful.  But frankly, she’s like that most of the time.  It wasn’t a wedding thing in particular.  She could always be counted on to say "Are you really wearing that?" or "Your hair looked better when that other girl was doing it." or "You should take better care of yourself.  You look so run down."

My sister and I used to joke about it.  And of course, we mostly didn’t include our mom in our fashion decisions (for obvious reasons).  Then (for both of us) when we were wedding planning, we suddenly were calling and emailing her about all kinds of things.  In part we were trying to include her, and also we were just excited.  But seriously, it’s crazy to expect your mom (or anyone) to behave much better than normal just because you’re getting married.  If anything, the stress just associated with the change makes most of your family behave at least a little worse.

So honestly, unless your mom has always been your biggest cheerleader and is only suddenly critical, I wouldn’t worry about it, or even try too hard to change it.  Just chalk it up to normal family relations, and send your emails and share your ideas with a couple of good girlfriends, or your sister, or someone who can be excited and supportive.  And remember that your mom loves you even if she can’t suddenly stop acting like herself, and start acting like your best friend.

Post # 19
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

You’ll find that everyone has an opinion when it comes to planning your wedding – even if you’re the one paying for it. It drives me crazy, too, because I care a little too much what other people think, and I start doubting myself. I’m learning though… a simple, genuine, "thanks, that’s a good idea" is my favorite response. Polite and more importantly, non-committal! 🙂 Best of luck!

Post # 20
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

there should be a separate board for mom-related angst

i went throught the same thing with my mom. i tried to include her (i took her to interviews with the florist, photogs, to see dresses) but we’re exactly opposite in all our opinions. i expected this (as we have always had opposite tastes) but she so wanted to feel part of the process and to "help," so i did my best to bear with it. she criticized so many things and really didn’t listen to what I wanted. she was always pressing for details, which always felt like nagging, and often pooh-pooh’d my decisions. i finally decided not to give her many more details. she said she was always asking because i didn’t tell her anything. what can you do? in the end, i did what i wanted to do and she loved everything. so, if your mom’s like mine, she’ll be happy to see you married on your big day and that will make everything else that much better in her eyes.

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