(Closed) Declasse to not have a E-Party or Bridal Shower

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m lukewarm about e-parties. Don’t think they’re necessary. I’d just do dinner with family and/or friends – something low key.

As for the bridal shower, other people decide to throw that for you (and hardcore etiquette says it should be friends, not family). You should never host your own bridal shower 🙂

Post # 4
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@glamvicious:  it’s all about what you want to do. We’re not having any pre-parties or rehearsal anythings and we’re not doing engagement pictures because neither of us want one. He’s having a bachelor party but I will likely not have a bachelorette party. There’s no requirement for these things.

Post # 5
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

You are not required to do any of those things, and can decline any parties if offered any. You are also not required to take engagement photos. If you don’t want them, don’t do it!

I’m not having a bachelorette party, they aren’t to my taste. You can pick and choose what you would like to do.

Post # 6
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Engagement party, bridal shower, engagement pictures, all not required! Yay! I didn’t have an engagement party (and it was never mentioned by anyone). I did do engagement pictures because my next door neighbor gave me an engraved picture frame and said it was for our engagement picture. I will probably have a bridal shower, my Maid/Matron of Honor wants to throw me one. Although it’s going to be way more about going to with the girls to get tea, sandwiches, and scones than about getting presents.

Post # 7
1709 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

If you don’t want all the parties, it’s perfectly fine to not have them!  I didn’t have an engagement party or a bridal shower (travel would have been crazy if we had these parties).  I only had a bachelorette party and it wasn’t like a wild and crazy night or anything, just a fun dinner with my mom, aunt, sisters, and girlfriends and then we went to a piano bar and salsa club.  

And no, we didn’t do any engagement pics either…we were focused on our money going to the wedding.


Post # 8
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@glamvicious:  We didn’t do an e-party either time I got engaged. We’re not doing a bridal shower because there would literally be like 7 people there (there’s only 20 people attending my wedding).

We did do engagement pictures but they were included in the package we chose from the photographer.

Post # 9
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - parent\'s backyard

I actually kind of hate wedding showers, they put pressure on people to give two gifts. only half of the women I know even had one. I think it’s not a big deal at all to skip this. 

as for bachelorette parties, I personally love them and get a little bit sad if somebody doesn’t have one. what I like is that they can be anything you want them to be: a road trip, night at a club, or just a quiet night in. whatever the bride likes to do for fun. I even went to a co-ed one for both the bride and groom together — which was basically just a big BYOB house party. it was great!

Post # 11
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@glamvicious:  Don’t stress! Fiance and I did not have an engagement party, I won’t have a bridal shower, and we didn’t pay for an engagement photo shoot. I would never, ever, describe us as déclassé. Our wedding itself is going to be classy as hell, if I’ve organized it right. We simply didn’t/don’t see the need for those other parties. My father came to visit and took some photos of us to use for the engagement announcements in the newspaper(s). That’s all. We, too, will have bangin’ bachelor and bachelorette parties. That’s one pre-wedding event we’re both dead set on.

Post # 12
1070 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@glamvicious:  In all honesty, we threw ourselves an engagement party and it was AMAZINGLY fun.

It was a small beach potluck. We reserved a space at the county park (free), rented a tent and some tables ($200) and I did a bunch of Pinteresty stuff with jars and baby’s breath flowers ($20). My friend made us a cake for free, and everyone brought pupus or food to share. It was SO. MUCH. FUN.

It was also BYOB. I made a “love potion” (moscato and lemonade $20), but that was it.


Post # 13
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yeah, I don’t think you need to have ANY parties before the wedding!  I didn’t have an engagement party simply because I didn’t see the point.  I think it should be completly up to you and what you want!

Post # 14
14149 posts
Honey Beekeeper

You are not alone in thinking this way!  

There is nothing wrong with a shower or an engagement party in theory, but in all too many cases I think the opposite of your premise is closest to the truth. 

An engagement party is not necessary.  In fact, it’s not even proper to announce an engagement party AS an engagement party.  Traditionally one is supposed to have a party and make the announcement of the engagement at the party itself, for fear of appearing to be soliciting gifts for your own child. 

There is also nothing in the world wrong with not doing a shower. Traditionalists still maintain that  showers are not properly thrown by immediate family members.  That can be a big obligation for a  friend or friends who are not  in any kind of  financial position to take on the cost. Especially if the couple are already having a wedding that is out of town for many or most guests. 

Of course, a shower is really supposed to be a low key, inexpensive event and gifts are really supposed to be very low key household knick knacks, ie cook books and pot holders, not anything on the level of a wedding gift.  Emphasis on supposed to be. 

Don’t even get me started on bachelorette parties!

I had a fairly high end wedding and did exactly none of the above. 

Post # 15
2074 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia


I’m skipping all of the above. My engagement picture is a picture of me kissing Fiance on the cheek using my iPhone.

Maybe I’m jaded from attending other showers & bachelorette parties. While it was a lot of fun, it was also unnecessarily expensive for those who attended; i.e. the bride(s) chose to do expensive things. I’ve made enough dresses from toilet paper and tin foil as a guest. I don’t want to impose that on my friends and family. Plus, my Maid/Matron of Honor (and only BM) lives in Australia. My parents live in Southeast Asia. (My ultimate out-of-parties ticket!)

The thought of having a friend solicit random men to pay $5 per candy on a necklace terrifies me. As well as the thought of receiving erotic-shaped cake pans; etc terrifies me as well. Personally, I have never seen engagement party/bridal shower/bachelorette parties as “traditional”. Future Mother-In-Law was hinting at throwing me a shower.. my reflex action was to divert attention: “Oh, a shower for FI’s brother’s fiancee? Awesome idea!” (I get enough presents from Christmas. I really don’t need any more!)

Post # 16
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 1993

@glamvicious:  The Wedding Industrial Complex goes to great lengthes to sell you stuff you don’t need. Every bridal magazine and book out there is designed to sell you stuff. You don’t need any of it. You don’t need engagement photos, bridal showers, bridesmaids gifts, batchelorette parties, engagement parties, promise ring, pre-engagment rings, engagement rings, twenty bridesmaids in matching dresses, pre-wedding hair and makeup consultations, a videographer to document every moment of the month leading up to your wedding, a professional photo shoot of you in your dress, a full length portrait of you in your dress, a pouffy white dress, a garter, special shoes, a veil, a tiara, a second pouffy dress to wear to the reception, a grooms dinner, a rehersal dinner, matching jewelry for all your bridesmaids, gifts for every wedding guest, invitations with matching envelopes and tissue paper and maps and reply cards, thank you cards that match your invitations, caligraphied anything, seating charts, escort cards, place cards, table numbers, signs pointing to the restrooms or the cocktail venue… you don’t need any of this! Don’t let the WIC pressure you into thinking you do!

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