(Closed) Declines before official invites are sent

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2029 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I wouldnt.  Save on stamps! 🙂 You already know their answer. 

Post # 4
2273 posts
Buzzing bee

I wouldn’t either but I’ve heard it’s not appropriate. Though if I already told you I’m not going, I really wouldn’t want an invitation…

Post # 5
3199 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Ixtlali:  eh…send them. maybe their plans will change between save the date and invite. i had one person decline, claiming it was a religious holiday (my FMIL is the same religion, I asked her, and its not…sounds like this person was just hoping I didn’t know anything about their religion), and my FMIL insists I still send her an invite. even if they still say no, they’ll at least know you held them in a position of high enough esteem to formally invite them to your wedding.

Post # 6
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Ixtlali:  I would send formal invitations.  We had one couple tell us early on that they could not attend because of a conflict with another wedding, but they ended up RSVPing yes.  Plans change!

Post # 7
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You should still send out an invite. They may have a change of plans.

Post # 9
33 posts
  • Wedding: July 2011

[comment moderated for trolling]

Post # 11
4525 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Ixtlali:  I would still send them! I agree with others that say their plans could open up and they’d be able to attend 🙂

…that being said, we are spending practically NO money on our invites so it’s not a huge expense to send them to people we know won’t be able to attend.

Post # 12
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I think you should just ask them… Say “Hey, I remember when we sent out our STD’s, you mentioned you’d be unavailable. I was unsure if you had a change of plans, or if you were still unable to come. Would you like is to send out an invitation just in case, we’d still love it if you came?”


I’d say ask them personally if they want an invite if they’re pretty close friends or relatives.. If they’re distant relatives or friends of your parents, I’d just send the invitiation without asking. But for those that you CAN ask, might as well try and save on postage and invitations the best way you can 


Post # 13
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

It would depend on who it was, for me. If it was a cousin that I didn’t care if they came or not, I’d take their space to ask someone else! If it was a good friend, I’d still send it, hoping their plans might change. 

Post # 14
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m in the same situation; I sent them invitations even though they said they couldn’t make it. Just in case plans change or if additional information changes the situation. Also, some of them are close friends, so I wanted them to see my invites! Those friends are also invited to the Bachelorette party, so they should receive a proper invite even if they can’t attend the wedding. My invitations were very affordable, so it wasn’t a big deal.

Post # 15
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Ixtlali:  You absolutely 100% need to send them to anyone who received an STD, even if they said they can’t make it. This isn’t a place you can cut corners and save on stamps, just send those invites anyway.

Post # 16
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have the same issue with my oot aunts. I knew most of them wouldn’t be able to come, they confirmed apologized & are sending gifts. I feel like they still deserve a proper invitation. Especially since 1 is coming with my grandmother & will likely show them her invitation. 

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