(Closed) Declining shower invite… send a gift?

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
3697 posts
Sugar bee

I would skip it since you’re not close to the person. When you decline a shower invite, there’s no obligation to send a gift, but it’s a nice gesture to do so if you want to. I would send a gift if I’m missing a close friend’s event, but if it’s someone who I suspect invited me either because they felt they had to or because they were fishing for gifts, I wouldn’t bother.

Post # 4
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Hm, I wouldn’t assume that it’s gift grabby, because in compiling the guest list either the bride might have wanted to include all women invited to the wedding or the hosts of the shower might have been compiling the guest list themselves and done the same. But if you know the bride and think that it was gift grabby then I might be wrong. Just saying I wouldn’t assume it. 

As for sending a gift, given the way you described your relationship I would say you are under no obligation whatsoever to send one, but if you wanted to choose something small from the registry or a small gift card from the store, I’m sure it would be much appreciated. But again, if you don’t I don’t think it would be weird or rude. 

Post # 5
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

No obligation whatsoever to send a gift. I’d give the bride the benefit of the doubt and say she (or the shower hostesses) were trying to make sure that no one felt left out. There were a few people on the list I gave to Maid/Matron of Honor that I was on the fence about. I erred on the side of letting them decide whether or not they wanted to come, rather than risk hurt feelings that people they know were invited and they weren’t.

Post # 6
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

If you’re not close, I wouldn’t bother with a gift.

Post # 7
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I wouldn’t send a gift.  I invited two close friends to my shower; neither was able to attend.  One sent a gift and one did not.  Neither surprised me nor bothered me.  I didn’t expect anything from anyone not attending the actual party, but it was very sweet of my friend to send a gift when she couldn’t attend. 

Post # 8
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Do what you feel is right.  My shower invites just went out and I invited every woman to my shower that is invited to the wedding.  That includes some that “aren’t that close to ME” but are close to my Fiance or Future Mother-In-Law or MOB.  I am surely NOT gift grabbing, I discussed the invite list with Fiance and MOB and the consensus was to invite everyone b/c they would be happy to be included…..but reading your post makes me worried!!!  I sure hope nobody feels like they were only invited for a gift b/c that is not the intention of my shower invite.  I want to spend the day with everyone who is important to me and Fiance and whom my mom and his mom consider important women in their lives (even if they aren’t my bff from 20 yrs ago!!).

Post # 9
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

100% agree with @MidwestBride2012: 

You are under no obligation, to attend or give a gift.  But it certainly would be a nice gesture… and if your Fiance is close to the Groom, then a nice way to get to know the Bride a bit better too before the big day.  At the very least, I’d send a card with a nice message for the Bride, and saying that you are looking forward to the Wedding.


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