Post # 1
I need some insight – A sorority sister from college is getting married in June 2013 and asked me to be a bridesmaid. Initially, I said Yes and have been thinking about it ever since. She asked 7 girls to be in the wedding – one of whom is a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my wedding (she’s the Maid/Matron of Honor for this girl) and my roommate who is my Maid/Matron of Honor (a bridesmaid in this girl). We have never had an issue but I have always stayed a good distance away and only interacted with mutual friends. Deep down in my gut, I don’t think I could support her in the way that she deserves as a bride. I don’t have it in me.
I called her last night to tell her that with my fiance beginning his residency, money would be tight. I also said that I did not want to strain her and I’s relationship by not giving her what she deserved as a bride. She was very understanding – and said that she would like for me to be included in the House Party. I accepted.
However, she called her Maid/Matron of Honor (one of my bridesmaids) and was talking bad about me – saying I could just have bought the dress and not paid for anything else, etc. (I don’t think that’s fair given she is the bride and is deserving of much more). I feel frustrated because I was trying to be honest and let her know early enough to find someone else – but I feel that it’s backfiring.
How should I handle this gracefully?
Sidenote: I am getting married in November and I did not ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my wedding – I feel that we are not that close and we hang out only around our mutual friends. She is in our House Party.
Post # 3
I think you’ve already handled it gracefully. Nothing more you need to do. I commend you for being honest with her and I think she’ll come around. 🙂
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I think you’ve done all you can do and she’s just not taking it as well as she should. You have every right to do what you did- and who knows, she might have said worse things later on when you weren’t able to contribute to her events.
Post # 5
I think you did a great job in communicating the way you felt the first time. I don’t think that there is anything else left to be said.
Post # 6
Can I ask what a house party is?
Also, I think you handled it well, and if she chooses to bad mouth you, that reflects poorly on her- not you.
Post # 7
What is a house party? I think you did the right thing. I would hate to think someone was my bm without fully supporting me.
Post # 8
Though it’s crappy she talked bad about you, I wonder if her feelings are hurt that a bridesmaid declined, even if that wasn’t your intention. I know that my feelings would be a litle hurt, even I understood the logical reason for the decline. Not everyone is good at saying in the moment, “Wow, my feelings are hurt right now and I’m a little sad that you’re saying no” and instead just do something less productive, like talking shit. Maybe the next time you see her you could bring it up and let her know you’re a little worried she might be hurt and that definitely isn’t your intention.
Post # 9
Yes I definitely agree!! She probably needs some processing time to deal with the sad part of it all. I would be sad if I were in her shoes. I am thankful for the insight – sometimes it’s hard to see it when you are in it.
@mayflowerbride13: Good point! If she chooses to do that, it is a reflection of her, not me. Thank you for those wise words!
@mayflowerbride13 and @buffalodots: House Party are girls who you would like to include in the wedding. They don’t purchase a bridesmaids dress and are free to wear whatever they like. They are included in all of the luncheons, getting ready, and at the wedding, they pass out programs, greet guests and collect any gifts or envelopes.
Post # 10
I found this quick blurb:
While the women invited to the house party are not in the bridal party, they are women who are close to the bride. They may be expected (though not always) to assist the bridal party in coordinating events such as the shower and/or bachelorette party. At the wedding, they sometimes wear corsages and are given various tasks to help the flow of the wedding. Sometimes the bride gives these women small token gifts as thank you’s.
Post # 11
She is the one with the problem- not you. She will get over it.