(Closed) Decorating “his-now-our” apartment without hurting feelings…

posted 8 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

my fiance was just like that but we went shopping together and he had a blast trying to figuare out colors our bedroom is now back and red  and our living room is neutral colors

Post # 4
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Maybe you could try focusing on the storage aspect of it.  Like instead of “omg, your coffee table is hideous” you could say “hey, now that we have to cram my stuff into this apartment along with yours, why don’t we get this cute chest that can double as a table, then we can store xyz in it?”  I bet if you frame it as being practical, it will be less of an insult to his style!

Post # 5
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think it is okay to make the space “yours” now that your married.  That is more than fair!  If it’s not going to upset him then he shouldn’t be worried about what you do. 

Although some people get very set in their ways and do not like change – esp in their home.  They’re used to the way their home space is comfortable so maybe discuss things before you alter things too much. 

Post # 6
Member
1675 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Honestly, with The Guy and me this just took time. He got really stressed out that he was going to lose all his “stuff” when I moved in and that I was going to take over with all my stuff. I made sure when I talked to him about my ideas that I emphasized how I wanted to incorporate his stuff and this helped a lot. 

Once he realized that I didn’t just want to get rid of all of his furniture/art he calmed down a lot. Now we are at a point where he says he trusts me and I can make all the decorating decisions without consulting him (yay!), but it’s taken four years of living together to get to that point 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

the first place Fiance and i lived together was a studio apartment that he had already been living in for a year and a half. i guess the situation was a bit different because we knew going into it that we’d only be there for the 5 months he had left on his lease, but i didn’t try to force much redecorating on him….mostly it was just a matter of squeezing a bit of my stuff in and putting a ton of stuff in storage. we moved into a pretty spacious (by new york standards) apartment after that, and believe me, it was way more fun decorating that apartment together from scratch than it would have been to work on that studio. maybe pick two or three small projects you could take on to make the space a bit nicer looking and take them on one by one, so it doesn’t seem like you are trying to change the whole place at once, and then save the rest of your decorating plans for when you are in a new place next year.

Post # 8
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We also lived in a studio apartment (with a cat!) for about 9 months.  I’m not gonna lie, it was HARD and I think one of the main reasons it worked was because we were still in the honeymoon phase of our relationship.  But, in terms of decorating, Fiance was very laid back about what I wanted to do, I was the one who was skeptical.  I was so sure I was hurting his feelings, and I didn’t believe him when he said it was fine!  So at first, I relegated my stuff to specific areas and it took a few months before it started spreading out.

Maybe approach it this way?  Instead of making it seem like changing his things, tell him that you need some help finding a place for all of your things, so they don’t look like afterthoughts.

Realistically it can’t stay exactly the same.  It’s going from his space to your space and things will have to change. 

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