Post # 1
A friend of mine who is getting married a few months after me has been eyeing up my decorations and asking me a lot of questions about what I plan to do with them after the wedding.
She is the type of person who is always looking for something for nothing but its getting to the point where its making me uncomfortable. Also, I know its kinda selfish but I’m a little annoyed that its okay for me to shell out a bunch of money for decorations but she thinks I should just let her use it because I won’t need them anymore after my wedding is over.
I did hint at maybe sharing the costs on some things but she excused that she doesn’t want to commit to anything since her plans about decor could change. Also, by time she gets them, they’ll be “used” (my wedding is before hers) so why should she pay half?
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I don’t want to be unreasonable….but I also don’t want to feel like a doormat either.
I was hoping to sell my decorations after the wedding but I’d really rather sell to a stranger. Friends and money don’t always mix.
Ugh….the other night I dreamt that she showed up to my wedding with a shopping cart!
Post # 3
@Alanabanana: LOL I had to chuckle a lil at the “Ugh….the other night I dreamt that she showed up to my wedding with a shopping cart!”
Ughhh I think we have all had friends like that…..I have a cousin exactly like that! You know I’d just be completely honest and say something like……I have a lot invested into the wedding and I am planning on selling my stuff after the wedding in order to recoop some of the costs!! If she doesn’t want to go in on half now its not really fair to you to just have to give it to her.
Post # 4
Yeah tell that girl to get her shopping cart out of your wedding! I’d say, I plan to sell after the wedding, I’ll make a craigslist ad or something and share the info with you after the wedding.
Post # 5
@Alanabanana: I think it is perfectly acceptable and standard for decor items to sell for 1/2 price after they’ve been used once. That is annoying that your friend is eyeballing your decor before you’ve even had a chance to use it. Since she’s not interested in purchasing, sell elsewhere, and have that be your answer to her zillion questions.
Post # 6
@icetea: I agree! Telling her you’re going to sell them lets her know she won’t be getting them by default. but giving her the heads up makes it seems as though you’re doing her a favor. You could even tell her you’ve already had interest if you want to put her off having yours at all!
Post # 7
People who assume things are the worst.
Post # 8
Not sure how close this “friend” is but, if it were a good friend of mine, I’d offer for her to use whatever for free as long as it gets returned after. Then I’d sell them. Sometimes karma is worth more than money and being nice doesn’t have to mean being a doormat.
Post # 9
After your wedding, if she DOES express interest in any of your decorations, then offer to sell them to her…don’t give them to her 😉
Post # 10
Offer to sell her anything after the wedding at a discounted price do not give anything to her why does she feel that she should get something for free? Let her know that you are posting a listing on craigslist but you will let her have first picks of anything she would like to purchase at a discounted price since these items are in “used” but perfect condition.
I’m selling stuff on ebay right now and have been very successful so far. I sold my bridal sher cake toppers I had two one on the cake and one displayed for fun, my white wrist length bridal gloves, my bridal jewerly, bridal headpiece and my winter wedding cape for outdoor photos. Try ebay as well.
Post # 11
Yah I would tell her I plan to sell them after the wedding and if she wants them then, she can buy them.
Post # 12
Many people have difficulty talking money with friends or family. I would stop hinting and be more direct. Ask her if she wants to split the cost of decorations with you. If she doesn`t, or balks at paying half, then let her know you will be selling them after the wedding in case she changes her mind.
Post # 13
if you’re not doing anything with them then I don’t see why she can’t just have them. If you’re planning to sell them, let her know that and she is welcome to buy them from you (I’d discount the price a bit for her). If she wants to buy them I don’t see why it’s a big deal to sell them to her over a stranger.
I let people borrow some of my wedding decor things that I bought new and haven’t even used yet. No big deal.
Post # 14
I’d tell her I’m putting them up on a certain website, give her the prices I’m selling them for and tell her I’d bring them down a bit (to a SPECIFIC $) if she wants them. If she thinks it’s too much just say okay, nbd
Post # 15
Alot of very much sought-after items will go for just a smidge less than the actual cost, usually no less than half.
If she wants the items for super cheap, I would tell her you already have a buyer.
I for sure, know how much decor costs, as we’re shelling out quite a large sum of money, and there’s no way i’d almost give away most of my stuff when I stand a chance of making some of my money back.
That being said, I might let a friend borrow an item or something that they really loved, but I wouldnt let them use all kinds of stuff.
Post # 16
Thanks to you all! I think I will just be firm on the point that I plan on selling the decorations at a set price and she can buy them then if she wants them. If she wants to sell them herself after her wedding, then she can go ahead and do that too!
In regards to some of the posts about just letting her use them, karma and all that… I actually condensed my post down quite a bit removing a lot of the backstory just because it takes too long to read. We get a long pretty good when we can relax and talk about general things, but when there’s something she wants she can change her mood and attitude quite a bit to get it. There have been more than several occasions in the past where I’ve felt she’s taken advantage and in the end was very much the doormat. We have talked about it some and while she has on occasion apologized, I’ve never really gotten the impression that she agrees with my opinion.
I hear what you’re saying though and while I do hate the thought of stooping to someone’s level just because they treat you a certain way….when they know they CAN treat you that way or guilt you into things, I think it becomes a fine line between being helpful and being used.
Also, early on she’d either put-down or scoffed at some of my wedding ideas. I’m pretty sure it was just a jealous reaction but they’ve actually turned into some of the things she now wants to have so it just another thing rubbing me the wrong way.