(Closed) Deep down how important is the "surprise" aspect of the proposal??

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2830 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I was very involved with the whole proposal situation. I knew when it was going to happen. But even though I knew so much; it was still a suprise the way he did it. It was still so special.

Post # 4
4945 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I knew when he decided to start saving, I picked out my own ring, I knew when he ordered it, I knew when it came, and I knew 30 seconds before it happened that it would be happening. And it was still very special and memorable. I didn’t need a surprise. 

Post # 5
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I knew a proposal was coming up, just not when.  I loved the way he did it – on his birthday on top of the Empire State Building.  Not having a clue it was going to happen then in that way did make it feel that much more special.  I think if I had known, it might have ruined the day for me, because I would have been expecting it, and feeling guilty for stealing his “birthday thunder” or something. 

Post # 6
3351 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I know pretty much exactly when it’s going to happen. Am I disappointed? Ehhh. I’ve kind of let that go. Am I still excited? Very. I’m not expecting all the information that I have ruin the special-ness.

Post # 7
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2023

I don’t think it’s important at all. I tend to think that those who obsess over the idea of this perfect, special, romantic, surprise proposal are missing the reason behind it.

Also, they’re totally letting themselves in for a disappointment. 

As long as you’re engaged by the end of it – what else do you need from a proposal?

Post # 8
3694 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I wanted to be surprised as to how/when he did it, but I certainly knew it was coming.  I designed the ring, etc.  And that was after we decided TOGETHER that we were ready to get married and start planning our future.  I don’t think the fact that he’s proposing should ever completely be a surprise.  You should have that answer already figured out.  🙂

Post # 9
421 posts
Helper bee

Id like it to be either I dont know at all or know for sure. Right now I’ve gotten pretty strong hints and think that it may come on Christmas but the downside is that if it doesnt im probably going to be pretty upset. Im trying really hard to not think about it

Post # 10
1029 posts
Bumble bee

I knew roughly when it was coming (ie – within a week) but it was still a surprise when it happened.

For me it was great that I was blown completely away, and I couldn’t stop crying and the fact that he put a great deal of thought and effort into something really was amazing.

For him, he enjoyed doing something to make me really happy, and give me a great story to tell. For that he needed it to be a surprise.

So yes, I knew what my ring would be like (although I hadn’t seen it in person) and I knew roughly when it was coming. But to him, it was so worth it when he saw my face as I walked into a room filled with candles. It was perfect!

Post # 11
1521 posts
Bumble bee

not important cuz he has already asked me i just want the ring!

Post # 12
1057 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think the surprise is important, but I used to want something special, ideally that required some kind of effort on his part, even if it was just telling me he’ll love me forever. Now I think I just want him to ask; I’m tired of waiting, and I guess we’ll have the rest of our lives to work on something special if we get to that point.

Post # 13
899 posts
Busy bee

A surprise element is NOT necessary to me. In fact, I really don’t like surprises at this point in my life, particularly when it comes to making major life decisions! One of the ways I alleviate anxiety in my life is by doing all my homework and research and being pretty damn clear where I’m headed. I like to feel in control of my life. I am very rarely caught by surprise and when I am, it doesn’t make me feel that great. 

I’ve explained this to my SO and he’s been pretty accommodating, but he told me the other day that he’s really disappointed at the lack of surprise. I told him that it’s not romantic to me to be surprised, but he insists. As it is, I’d thought he would propose today, on our one year anniversary. But I’m pretty sure the ring isn’t finished being made yet.

So I guess I will be surprised.

Post # 14
2898 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I loved my surprise! I wasn’t expecting it to happen when it did so I was so so happy. I would have really disliked knowing it was coming as it would have made me very anxious. 

Post # 15
30 posts

I don’t need to be surprised, I think two people need to talk things over and be sure they are making the right choice. 

I would want my bf to be 100 percent sure he wants to get married though, not something I forced I him into. 


Ps, on a bended knee is not important to me either or candles ect. Just him looking very happy is all I would want. 

Post # 16
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

I wanted to  know a timeframe of when he was going to propose, but he wouldn’t give me that…. I’m glad I was surprised. He had an honest reaction out of me that wouldn’t have been there if I had known it was coming.

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