(Closed) Deep down how important is the "surprise" aspect of the proposal??

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I hate suprises and have told my SO this from the start. I helped him pick out my ring and am currently waiting for it to be delivered. I thought he still wanted it to be a little bit of a suprise but last week he told me that he talked to the lady at the jewelry store and that she said it would be another 1-2 weeks. So there isn’t much of a suprise brewing and honestly I’m SO HAPPY about it! (and can’t wait for my ring) ๐Ÿ˜‰


Oh and me and my SO just aren’t the romantic type and I think that has something to do with it. I hate flowers, talking all cutesy, etc. Drives both of us insane. All I care about is being engaged and marrying my best friend! I don’t need a fancy proposal to know that he loves me and wants to be with me for the rest of his life!

Post # 18
846 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

i knew he had a ring (he’s really terrible at keeping secrets). and i knew he wanted to wait for the right time (we had two weddings over the summer and i knew he wanted to wait until after them). but the actual proposal was a surprise, and i wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

Post # 19
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I hate surprises first of all, and I also think that because we have been together for 5 1/2 years, and have actively discussed engagement/marriage, that a surprise is futile. We have planned everything out as far as when these milestones should happen, and I am very happy that it is this way.

My mom is all upset saying “What? No surprise? He should just give it to you and say ‘here you go.’ There is nothing less exciting or romantic because we have good communication in our relationship. I do not need a surprise for it to be a very important moment in my life, thank you very much.

I will be happily engaged at the end of the week. Naysayers be damned, this is my relationship, and I am glad we have conducted it this way.

Post # 20
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

He told me he was had saved for the ring (gave me butterflies!), and I helped pick it out.  Then I waited, and waited.  When it came time, I absolutely knew when he was going to do it.  I just didn’t know how.  I got a manicure beforehand, and told my friends I was getting engaged on Saturday.  It was still wonderful, even if I wasn’t surprised by the timing.

Post # 21
1935 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

As I’ve said a few times on these boards, I hate surprises (hello control freak me) and my bf is just awful at keeping secrets (it’s really quite endearing though) so I know that my ring is about a week out. It’s getting custom made, so that extended the timeline a bit. I don’t know how it’s going to happen, or when, so I’m basically occupying myself with other things (read: eating, sleeping, working out, shopping, light drinking) so I shut up.

In all honesty, I think the moment when he’s down on one knee will be the best moment of my life (so far). Whether its a surprise or not, doesn’t make that moment any more or less special.

Post # 22
8036 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@blueberries123:  Totally agree with you. I don’t get it either.

I think men who drag their feet on proposing because they want to plan the perfect proposal and for it to be a complete surprise are saying that as a stall tactic. Sorry but unless you’re planning a surprise proposal on top of a mountain on a different continent, that can only be accessed by a certain kind of helicopter, it doesn’t take THAT much planning.

I imagine for those ladies who love surprises, it would be great to have a surprise proposal, but at the same time, how can you not be expecting it even a little? Good relationships are based on communication, and if you really had no idea that you’d be getting married sometime in that year or so, then I wonder if the conversations that need to be had are being had.

I’m no feminist, but I’ve always seen marriage as something that should be agreed to by both parties vs. waiting until the man is ready. It just doesn’t seem fair.

I’m not engaged yet, but my bf and I talk about it openly. We talk about what kind of ring I’d like. I doubt the proposal will be any kind of surprise, since my guy knows I’m a control freak and I will likely be there when he orders the ring ๐Ÿ˜› And I’m fine with that. I suppose a tiny part of me wants the proposal to be a surprise, but I can’t have it both ways. I’d rather make sure the ring is right. The proposal lasts a few minutes, the ring you wear for YEARS.

Post # 23
11482 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I wanted the actual when, where, and how of the proposal to be a surprise.  However, I would not have wanted the fact that my then-FI/now-DH was going to propose to be a surprise, and I would not have wanted my ring to have been a surprise.

Post # 24
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Old Courthouse - Cleveland

I have always had this imagery of a girl being surprised when her man gets down on one knee and asks the one question that changes her life forever.

Well, a girl can’t wait forever! haha….I compromised with myself. Last April, we looked at rings and he got to know which ones I liked and yadda yadda.

Right now, I am waiting for that moment to happen as I do not know if he has the ring or if he is still looking. All I know is I love being with him and he will find that moment that will keep me smiling every time someone asks to hear “our story.”…..hopefully soon ๐Ÿ˜›

Post # 25
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I was fairly confident that he was going to propose within a few month period, but not sure. The actual proposal was an utter surprise (partly because it was not at a particularly romantic place or anything). I have to say, I LOVED being just entirely surprised. That feeling when I saw the ring box and was just totally flabbergasted / shocked was pretty special. I prefer his random hotel room proposal to what I thought might happen (a prposal on an upcoming backpacking trip). I’m sure either way will be super special for you though ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 26
309 posts
Helper bee

Im terrible at being surprised, I usually guess everything beforehand and it gets ruined.

My current SO has only surprised me once by taking off work ( a 24 hour shift) and showing up at my apartment at 7:00 in the morning, only to spend a few hours with me (I worked that day)

But has not to date planned anything for us to do, so I would probably be really suspicious if he all of a sudden said “hey lets’s have dinner here” or “lets take this trip”

I really dont care for being surprised, I would honestly rather know it was coming just so I can stop wondering!

Post # 27
49 posts

So glad you posted this, now I don’t feel crazy. I feel the SAME way. I’ve picked out the ring and I know it’s going to happen before the end of the year is over. But here’s my thing I know he HAS the ring! So it’s really frustrating to me why he’s waiting. He says he has a “plan”…..ok that’s awesome but I don’t really care about this huge magical proposal as you stated! It’s more like the longer he waits the more it’s going to piss me off because that’s longer we have to wait to plan the wedding. We’re not very romantic but we have a really good relationship. Why not pop the question one night when we order in and watch a movie? I’m OK with that, that’s us and honestly I think it would be really cute. I would be just as happy! I told him that and he said he just wants to do it his way. Well, while he’s waiting to do it his way the venue we wanted for 2013 is completely booked for every Saturday next year already, which means we have to push it to 2014. Ridiculous. All for this element of surprise and a “plan” that I could honestly care less about…

Post # 28
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Me and SO have been looking at rings for months and have picked a diamond that we’ll be ordering in a few days. The ring and time frame isn’t really a surprise. I know he’ll be doing it in the next few months but thats it. He wants to keep how he proposes a surprise and I really like that. I feel like because we’ve been looking together and I’ve been so involved in choosing my ring I’ve sucked the romance out but I know he’ll make it special. So i’m in the middle. I’m not disappointed that it won’t be a total surprise but I wouldn’t like everything to be out in the open I want a little bit of a surprise with the proposal timing/ etc.

Post # 29
585 posts
Busy bee

In the grand scheme of things, the “surprise” aspect of proposals isn’t very important. It isn’t as important as marriage, or children, or careers, or heck, food! lol. Buuuuuut, they can be sweet and romantic.

I don’t think surprise proposals like “omigosh I never even thought about marriage with you” are a good idea, ever. Ideally there would have been enough conversations about your future to know if you are committed for a lifetime or not before a proposal happens. So a proposal is just a formality, just a mini-ceremony to make things official.

Personally, I would prefer his proposal to me to be romantic and a surprise. Not a surprise like I mentioned above, but a surprise in the timing and place. It doesn’t have to be, but he wants to plan something a little special and I am happy for that! I’d rather look back and have a fond memory of the romantic moment when it officially happened, but it’s definitely not a necessity.

Post # 30
2417 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I have a time frame, I gave him ideas of what kind of rings I wanted, but other than that, I’m in the dark. He hasn’t really ever been able to surprise me, so I am trying my best to let him. He says he has a plan. I guess I will find it out sooner or later.

Post # 31
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

a surprise is not important, i just really hope he chooses a romantic moment. i don’t even care if he has the ring…i’m really hoping we shop for it afterwards…we’ll see ๐Ÿ™‚

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