(Closed) Deep down how important is the "surprise" aspect of the proposal??

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 62
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

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@red_rose:  that’s a good point. It’s not that it needs to be a surprise, or public, but it can still be memorable and make you feel special. Even if it’s not a surprise at all.

Post # 63
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

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@red_rose:  that’s a good point. It’s not that it needs to be a surprise, or public, but it can still be memorable and make you feel special. Even if it’s not a surprise at all.

Post # 64
Member
3419 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

My SO wants to surprise me. He thinks that is what he is SUPPOSED to do but it isn’t that important to me. What is important to me is that he is excited. Excited about marrying me, most of all! If he was excited about taking me to look at rings, then I would be excited! If he was excited about surprising me, then I should be excited! He never surprises me, so this should be fun. He has a pretty firm idea about what I’d like/want, so I am not worried about ring regret at all. I just want the token! The symbol is what is important to me. The fact that he is giving me his symbol what gets me excited.

So to me it isn’t about the surprise. To me it is about the level of excitement going into the proccess. He he isn’t excited about it then it isn’t worth it to me.

Post # 65
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t think the surprise matters. I enjoyed knowing it would happen on our Disney vacation because it really made me look forward to it soooo much more. He still surprised me as to when and how he would do it on vacation!

Post # 66
Member
3419 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

bump

Post # 67
Member
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I didn’t really care if it was going to be a surprise. I knew it was going to happen eventually. We had been together almost 7 years when we moved in together and he proposed about 4 months after I moved in (1 month after our 7 yr anniversary). He had wanted to do it earlier but was waiting for the ring to finish getting made and he proposed as soon as it was finished. The actual proposal ended up being a surprise since I thought we were going somewhere else when it happened so that was nice!

Post # 68
Member
3468 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@blueberries123:  preparation and anxiety. tell me about it!!

Post # 69
Member
3355 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

it was probably like 5% important lol. I shopped for the ring, left the diamond up to him and the rest of it was all on him. I didn’t want to know when he had the ring.

Post # 70
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@oneofthesethings: 

“I don’t get the surprise thing AT ALL.  I mean, how have you not discussed getting married?  And if you have, how could the proposal be a surprise?”

 

I think even with talking about marriage the proposal can still be a surprise.  In my situation we had been talking about wanting to get married “someday”.  Then she started talking about rings.  So I told her it would be at least another year before I would feel comfortable proposing because I needed more time to save up for a ring and I had some personal debt that I was working on paying off. She said she was dissapointed, but understood. So when I proposed to her a year before planned she was beyond surprised! As I said before though, this isn’t important for everyone.  FI LOVES surprises, so I knew that the proposal would be more special for her if she had no idea it was comming.

 

Post # 71
Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

In a weird way it’s important to me, as i’am very involved in my proposal (to the picking of the ring to when I would like it to happen) but in the end he’ll pick when the time is right for him.

Post # 72
Member
1404 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Having come across the ring box yesterday (but not snooping… yet) I feel like the surprise element of the proposal is more important to me now. I have the opportunity to look inside the ring box but I’m not going to because I realize that there is only so much I have left to be surprised about and I don’t want to take that away from my SO or myself. I suspect that he will propose this Friday when we are away for our anniversary but the how, where and when of the proposal and the ring itself will still be a surprise. And I’m really happy to have that to look forward to.

Post # 73
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I so wholeheartedly agree that it is not the “surprise” that matters so much as the love, effort and commitment put into it. FH and I plan to be picking out engagement ring together within the next two months. However it will be replacing a promise ring that I have worn for 5 1/2 years so we have both known this would happen for a long time.

I think for me personally and for a lot of girls I know once you are in a committed relationship and feel like it is right, it is kind of hard to make it a surprise ;] we are always on our toes!

Post # 74
Member
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

My proposal was a surprise. I had a hunch that a proposal may have been in the works, but it was a complete surprise to me. We had agreed to go to dinner for our monthaversary (6 months together, which was very personal and important to us for other reasons), and that’s about as much information I had. He recieved a box which he told me was “from work” (which I found a little suspicious but I paid no mind to it.)

Little did I know, he made me accept & sign for my own engagement ring. It sat on his desk for a good two-three weeks (He was deployed at the time) and I was none the wiser. I was just excited to go to dinner with him. We got all gussied up, fancy-like and had a fantastic dinner when he popped the question.

All in all, the surprise element is not necessarily vital, but I preferred being surprised over if he told me, “I’ll propose next week.”

I was not the kind of girl who “waited” for him to propose. We talked about getting engaged/married, but honestly, if he never proposed, I wouldn’t have minded. I’m going to be with him for the rest of my life whether or not we get married.

Post # 75
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It isn’t important to me at all. And since we’ve already talked about when we are getting married, etc, it can’t REALLY be a surprise. We made that decision together. Him wanting to marry me won’t be a shocker, we’ve already decided to do that together.

However, he REALLY wants to do the proposal thing. I have stressed many times that it doesn’t have to be elaborate. I would be happy with him in the kitchen on one knee. So there’s a window of time I know it could happen in (next 6 to 8 months) and I guess the day and time will be a surprise.

That will not make it any less special to me. Actually, if I figured out he was going to do it the day of, it STILL wouldn’t make it any less special. It will be special because it is something that is important to him and will be really exciting for me!

Post # 76
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Temecula, California

I like the element of surprise. I mean I already picked out my ring not sure if he has it or not. That’s exciting to me Heck I’m the one who found. Me finding it for him kind of feels like I ruined the surprise. But now it’s his turn to decide. I’m perfectly fine with that

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