(Closed) Defending Your Honor?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How would you feel about your SO/DH " defending your honor" in public. Is it OK to you?

    Not Cool----I do not condone yelling/shoving/confrontation in any capacity-

    Maybe----It strongly depends on the circumstances-- but I would be OK as long as no one got hurt

    Yes---I expect my SO to stick up for me no matter what

    Other

  • Post # 32
    Member
    365 posts
    Helper bee

    I’d appreciate him saying something, in a calm tone of voice, but once it escalates to yelling or pushing, that’s unacceptable. Don’t let these rude people off the hook entirely, but know when to walk away when it’s unproductive. At a certain point, you have to realize that the kind of people to say snide and rude things will do just about anything to feed their own egos; there’s no way they’ll back down from a fight. You have to tell them they’re being jerks, and then walk away; even if it ends with them saying worse things than they did before. They’ll do it just to prevent an ego bruise, and it has nothing to do with you.

    Post # 33
    Member
    2831 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    A few weekends ago, we were celebrating our dating anniversary. This was also the night that he proposed. We were having a romantic dinner when the 3 guys next to us starting talking very loudly about their packages, cheating on their wives and other topics I would rather not hear about. Well as if that was not enough, one of them turned to my Fiance and asked if they could take a picture with me! So that he could send the picture to their wives!!… My Fiance said absolutely not. I kinda wish he would have said something else or spoken with the manager. They were highly inappropriate and rude.

    I would not want it to escalate to a fight, but I would have liked him to be more stern with them.

     

    Post # 34
    Member
    110 posts
    Blushing bee

    SO is non confrontational but I know that if a situation like yours arose he would do exactly what your SO did. When he was younger he was much more confrontational and lets say, ended fights where women were involved or violent people out of line.

    Post # 35
    Member
    2874 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    my fi would 100% always stand up for me and defend me…especially if someone put their hands on me

    its not about being able to stand up for myself – if i was with a man who let me get harrassed by a stranger and did nothing, well i wouldnt think he was much of a man at all! i love that my fi is protective…and he wouldnt do anything physical unless i was assaulted. then all bets would be off. if you push me or put your hands on me in front of my fi, youll get maybe one warning, then back off or youll spend the rest of your life known as ‘stumpy the handless wonder’ (slight exageration, but still)

    View original reply
    @tksjewelry:  ive got to admit, im curious as to what job leads to you being grabbed or having stuff thrown at you! sounds pretty intense

    Post # 36
    Member
    1098 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I can’t even imagine Fiance in a situation like that, he’s so nice and soft-spoken and if some group of assholes wants to yell stupid stuff at me I’m more than capable of flipping them off and telling them to suck it all on my own. I don’t need anyone to defend my honor but defending my person is a whole other story. The second it looks like I’m about to get ganged up on physically I would expect him to jump in and back me up. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    11231 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    View original reply
    @MASPA:  LOL Took the words right out of my mouth. I know that if it was bad enough, he’d step up, but at that point, I would have already been in the person’s face, screaming at them anyway. I’m very intense.

    Post # 38
    Member
    6112 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    If this were to happen to us, I think we may ignore it at first (not worth our time), but if it persisted H would maybe yell some obscenities at them.  My H is so witty with comebacks – I am not! 

    I do not think he’d get all agro contact wise.

    Post # 39
    Member
    5009 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I voted other. It would never happen that he’d end up having to stand up for me. I’m better at both verbal and physical confrontations and he’s pretty passive. A combination of years of travelling alone in developing coountries and dating assholes leads to a pretty tough dame.

    Post # 40
    Member
    892 posts
    Busy bee

    I can defend my own honor.  If I was in a situation where my physical safety was in jeopardy, then yes, he should step up to help defuse the situation and get away from it. However, otherwise, words can’t hurt me.  We have far, far too much to lose with even the possibility of a stupid comment turning into a physical altercation. Not only would I be afraid for DH’s physical safety, god forbid, I’d be afraid that the loser grown adult who didn’t have the maturity to keep their ignorant statement to themselves would have no problem suing us if it had turned physical. We would have a lot to lose and no good would come out of it. I do not believe in settling anything with fists or shoving. Wow, I turned old – I guess defending your honor is something you do when your young and have nothing to lose. Avoidance is better. Best wishes!

    Post # 41
    Member
    2808 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I would definitely prefer the “evaluate the situation” approach.

    That being said…Lord help the man that insults me in front of my DH.

    Post # 42
    Member
    2116 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    If some guys said something about me and Fiance stood up for me and the guys started harassing him, I’m pretty sure I’d put myself between them and be right up in their faces telling them how it is. I’m pretty d*mn protective of him. LOL.

     

    But most likely, Fiance and I would ignore the situation, roll our eyes, and walk away.

    Post # 43
    Member
    1281 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I just remembered a time where I was actually the one defending FI’s honor.  (Thank god he wasn’t there, or he would have been sooo embarassed).  We were at a fair and when he left to bring SD to the bathroom, I heard some guys laughing and chatting about what I was doing with him (he’s 9 years older than me) and making fun of him and I just felt my blood absolutely boil in a way I have never felt before.  

    I could not control it.  I vaguely remember saying something about how his receeding hairline was a lot sexier than their dirty shaggy hair, pointing out that they came solo to the fair, and told them that they must be really proud of themselves for spending their entire paychecks at hollister.  

    While I regret being mean, I can TOTALLY get what’s going through guys’ heads if we get insulted!

    Post # 44
    Hostess
    11163 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    View original reply
    @MASPA:  Agreed.

    I would be shocked if my DH did anything like this frankly because he is so level headed and nothing really bothers him. There have been times when I wished he had defended me (especially to a certain co-worker or two) but instead he makes peace for obvious reasons. I’m not so level headed and would love a word or two to be exchanged in my defense.

    Post # 45
    Member
    533 posts
    Busy bee

    He’d step in if need be. But I have no problem standing up for myself. I even saved his honour once! We were at a gig and these idiots in front of us where drunk and they were being assholes to everyone. Guys next to us were having a go and were ready to punch them. This idiot falls backwards on my fella he pushed him back up and said come on mate. This kid turned around to punch my fella. I quickly shoved him back and yelled NO! He stopped and went back drinking. We were all best mates by the end of the gig -_-

    Post # 46
    Member
    2874 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    View original reply
    @Milo:  im quite interested in this thread!

    i think if i stood in front of my fi “protecting” him he’d get really embarrassed/mortified. but then, where we live in mexico the ‘men have to be men’ while all women have to be delicate flowers (it gets wearing) and theres the whole macho culture going on

    The topic ‘Defending Your Honor?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors