(Closed) Defending Your Honor?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How would you feel about your SO/DH " defending your honor" in public. Is it OK to you?

    Not Cool----I do not condone yelling/shoving/confrontation in any capacity-

    Maybe----It strongly depends on the circumstances-- but I would be OK as long as no one got hurt

    Yes---I expect my SO to stick up for me no matter what


  • Post # 48
    4044 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Absolutely not! He is not to get into fights with strangers, I wouldn’t expect him to. If someone was threatening me, he would, but we avoid violence at all costs. You never know what it will lead to.

    Now, defending me to his family, heck yes!

    Post # 49
    777 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    DH would definitely err on the side of “no one messes with my wife” (or, for that matter, with any other perfectly innocent person some group of people has randomly decided to pick on and demean) over standing there and taking it, but he’s also way too smart to initiate any kind of physical contact. Which suits me perfectly. I’m more than happy to have my honor defended with a few scathing comebacks. If some idiot wants to resort to violence, he’ll gladly see him arrested for assault.

    IMO, misogynistic bullies need to be (verbally) confronted, ideally in public spaces with plenty of witnesses. If you can make them feel like idiots, chances are you’re sparing someone down the line the kind of attention you got. And if they’re the sort of people who start throwing punches when they’re called out on their bullshit, putting them in jail/giving them a criminal record is a public service.

    Post # 50
    237 posts
    Helper bee

    I like to defend myself and am usually the one BF has to calm down. He is pretty non-aggressive. That said, I stop myself from being such a loud mouth that my BF would to have to physically defend me. A guy can get seriously, seriously hurt in a fight. And a lot of times the guy is just as freaked out and scared as you are but has to pretend he isn’t to look like “a man.” I’d prefer not to put him in that stiuation.  

    Post # 51
    2555 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    My SO can be a bit hot headed about things like this — especially if he’s been drinking.  He’s come to my honor once or twice before (nothing physical).  I actually like when he does, because it saves me the energy of going off on someone.  I draw the line at physical though, because even though I know he can hold his own, I really don’t want to see him in a (physicl) fight.

    Post # 52
    1715 posts
    Bumble bee

    Depends on the situation really. If someone touched me in anyway, I totally expect SO to do something. But frankly if anyone crosses a touch barrier with me, It’s gonna get physical quickly. Even if it’s just me bending some fingers backwards. No one has any right to touch me, ever, without my conesnt.

    Shitty comments/rude words however, I’d except at least a “Shut the hell up asshole”

    Post # 53
    1297 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’m trying to imagine my DH getting in a fight like that with someone and I just can’t picture it. I absolutely know that he would protect me if I was in physical danger. We’ve never been in a situation where there were super rude/lewd comments together; when it’s happened to me alone, I’ve just told the offender that they were pathetic and removed myself from the situation.

    There was a point before the wedding when a family member was being awful to me, bordering on emotional abuse, and I couldn’t handle it myself. He sat down with them and made it very clear, without ever making threats or raising his voice, that such behavior would not be tolerated. She has been extremely careful to be nothing but respectful of both of us (at least to our faces) since. In my opinion, he handled it perfectly, and I feel so incredibly blessed to have him.

    Post # 54
    545 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I WISH HE WOULD and he’s a pretty big guy (we met at the gym) but he’s such a mush ball and doesn’t like causing trouble. When people bump into him he appologizes sometimes and i just ask him “Why? they should be saying sorry to you”!

    Post # 55
    6737 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    My Fiance is a purple belt in jiu jitsu and an MMA fighter.  If he didn’t stand up for me, I’d be shocked.  And if he did, which I know he would, I’d be seriously turned on.  🙂

    Post # 56
    789 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I can handle myself but I would expect my husband to stand up for anyone who is being treated unusually poorly in public. I do it for others and while he’s very non-confrontational I know he’d defend any woman who needed it. I’m the one who might make a scene. I can’t tolerate seeing anyone victimized.

    Post # 57
    2224 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I would expect my SO to stick up for me always. It shows respect, to me. I wouldn’t want him to react to every little thing but lewd things I’d expect some support. I had an ex whose friends would make fun of me, to my face, with ex present, and he would either say “you’re not wrong!” or join the effing Bunny Bashing. So, yeah, I need someone with a backbone who doesn’t leave me hanging. Luckily, my SO would never do that to me. 🙂

    Post # 58
    2776 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    He has stuck up for me before.  It didn’t erupt into blows but hes a big guy ex military guy so no one would has ever pushed an issue.  Words have always been enough before.

    He is smart enough usually to not get into fights like that, I’ve heard stories from when he was younger but nothing now.  If it was a situation where we had to defend ourselves or someone had done something physical to me then maybe, if its life threatening then surely.

    View original reply
    @HelleCat: Yup this is what I was thinking too.  I have been in situations where I was touched in a way I didn’t like before I met Fiance, and I reacted pretty quickly.

    Post # 59
    509 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    @MASPA:  That’d be me too.

    View original reply
    @Mrs_Amanda:  I expect my Fiance to stick up for me or back me up, and he has. I’m a spitfire and I act quick so it’s usually the matter of if he can beat me to the punch.

    Post # 60
    7638 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    (Responding to post #1, I’ve read all of OP’s but not everyone else’s)

    So cool that he did that. I think he handled it perfectly: stood up for you without getting into a fight.

    Post # 61
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Hmm…I don’t know. We’ve never been in that situation, but its my mouth I’d be worried about more than his. I would be quick to say something back before my husband could get a chance! I’d be worried that my defending myself could make the people come after him physically. (since they “can’t” with me)

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