Post # 1
I’ve been noticing a lot of posts on here relating to emotional or physical cheating lately. The definition of emotional cheating seems rather fuzzy, and because of things I am working through right now (not saying what for privacy reasons), I would be very interested in what the Bees have to say about the definition/boundaries of this unpleasant sort of behavior.
Post # 3
I would define it as when someone is confiding really personal things to someone other then their SO in a relationship. Like if when they hear something funny or have an issue they talk to the other person instead of you and ignore you and your needs to satisfy those of another.
Like if this person has a problem they run to them to help even if they were suppose to be with you taking care of you going out with you on a date that night etc.
I dunno its a really vague explaination but when I saw these things happen in my past with people I got upset/worried and then bam they ended up with that person and we split.
Post # 4
@Mrs Christopher: I pretty much agree with this. Inappropriate conversations, things that should be happening between you and your SO not your SO and a friend.
I think its important to know the boundries between the two of you, and they are different for every couple, every person. Emotional affairs are painful, in a lot of cases just as painful as physical affairs.
Post # 5
For me, emotional cheating basically means having feelings for somone other than your partner. This is something that can come in a variety of forms, such as a friend/colleague you are a littlebit too close with, like as relying on them for emotional support instead of your partner, preferring to spend time with them instead of your partner, someone you know you would be dating if you were both single when you met.
For me, being hung up on an ex also amounts to emotional unfaithfulness and is an absolute dealbreaker. I see a lot of that on Weddingbee and it honestly breaks my heart for those girls’ fiances…
Post # 6
IMO, it’s mostly inappropriate conversations. There’s certain things that don’t bother me, but there’s a lot that do. I wouldn’t want him texting another woman into the wee hours of the morning or texting her more than he texted me. Getting lunch or coffee or whatever together would definitely be a biiiig red flag in that department, depending on circumstances.
Basically, doing anything he should be doing with me and no one else.
Post # 7
@Creiddylad: To me the Definition of emotional cheating is….
when your SO is texting,talking to another women about our relationship there flirting
and growing an emotional bond even if its over the phone. i have not tolerated it in the past.
punishment for the deed has been. ive broken up with that person for good.
when people talk, text they grow feelings for one on other and it affects the relationship.
to me it cheating ( an affair of the heart) id end the relationship. it never stops there.
the relationship is lacking something.
Post # 8
@Creiddylad: Shirley Glass (infidelity researcher/therapist) says that it’s when you start keeping your interactions with the other person a secret from your partner.
Post # 9
I think when you feel guilt. I also think it is a slow progression. I make it a point to always keep my guard up and not talk to exs or interact with single men that I would find attractive much. I just don’t want to ever be tempted.
Post # 10
@zerlina: +1 secrecy would be a very good indicator
i think inappropriateness is another indicator– when one partner directs affection, secrets, conversation, etc that should rightfully go to their partner to another. especially when this causes the partner to feel neglected or passed over. the whole point of having a partner/SO/FI/spouse is that this person is your #1.
Post # 11
It can encompass quite a lot, actually. Having feelings for someone other than your spouse/SO. Confiding in that person instead of your partner. Meeting up with that person for lunch, drinks, whatnot. Basically, dating without the sex.
When your emotional needs are met by someone other than your partner.
Post # 12
@Creiddylad: I would define it as putting another’s needs above those of your SO and your relationship. So if you’re neglecting your Boyfriend or Best Friend to instead spend time with your male friend that you share everything with and generally act like a Girlfriend to in all ways except physically, then you’re emotionally cheating. Your investing more energy into a relationship that isn’t your romantic relationship.
If you feel the need to lie about your friendship/hide the friendship then chances are you’re emotionally cheating. If you can’t be open and honest with your SO about a friendship then you already feel you’re doing something wrong.
Emotional cheating can take place between a same sex friend, even if you’re “100% straight”. if you put that person’s needs ahead of your SO’s, and if you give attention and affection to someone outside of your relationship its emotional cheating.
ETA: I think there is a very fine line between friendship and something more. Sex and sexual activity aren’t the only actions that breed intimacy. You can have sexual activity with no relationship and a relationship with no sexual activity an still be extremely intimate.
Post # 13
I feel like if you’re having a conversation with another person and you’re hiding it from your SO, it’s probably at least heading towards emotional cheating.
(Now obviously I don’t mean conversations about surprises or presents or whatnot.)