Post # 1
Posting anon because this is about family. We are invited to a wedding a few hours north of our home. We planned to attend and stay the night so we could spend more time with family instead of driving 7 hours (roundtrip) in one day. We had asssumed there would be a reception after the ceremony since this is a destination wedding for them (they live 10 hours north of us, 7 hours north of the wedding venue). About 2 months after we received the invitation and RSVP’d, booked a hotel, we get another invite to the reception, but it’s back in their hometown and 2 weeks after the wedding. I would have really liked to have been informed of this “little” detail when we got the original invite. Is this a normal thing to do? I understand if it was an elopement and later a reception to celebrate but it’s a basically a destination wedding. We can’t attend both and the short notice on the reception really makes it so that we cannot attend that. Step Mother of the Bride is not happy that we will not be attending the reception and insists to my fiance that this is a standard thing for a destination wedding. Maybe it’s just me, but we would have liked to have known about the reception further in advance so that we could have spent more time with family outside of the maybe 30 min ceremony, then everyone driving back home.
Post # 2
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
I’ve never heard of that and it seems like a very strange thing to do. Even if they wanted to have the delayed reception, that’s fine, but they had an obligation to inform their guests of that up front and it seems as though they didn’t.
You made plans according to what they told you, and if you can’t make the reception then you can’t make it. People can get mad or whatever, but you’re not obligated to appease people. Asking people to make two long-distance trips for a wedding isn’t reasonable.
Post # 3
It definitely isn’t a standard thing for a destination wedding, if anything people host their guests more when they have a Destination Wedding.
I actually think it is super rude to not highlight that it is just a ceremony. I’m not sure how you would have spent more time with family if you knew it was only a ceremony in advance? Since you have already booked a hotel can’t you see your family for the evening after the wedding?
I wouldn’t let stepmom make you feel bad! No guests should be expected to travel so far for two wedding events.
Post # 4
zzar45 : We had assumed there would be a reception after the ceremony and we would be able to spend more time with family there, and maybe even the next morning. But the bride and groom are leaving on their honeymoon and the other guests are going back home after the ceremony. It just seems strange to me. I guess we can just find something else to do after the ceremony and enjoy our little weekend getaway. Just a bit disappointing since we don’t often get the chance to spend time with them.
Post # 5
daddysangel3c : Yeah, I think this is strange and I’d be a bit annoyed if I weren’t given all of the details before comitting.
I wouldn’t be surprised if they have a decent amount of declines to either the ceremony or reception, because unless the guests are local to one of the events they’re asking a lot for people to travel twice in two weeks.
Post # 6
Even an intimate family only ceremony should be followed the same day by a reception of some sort for the guests.Are you sure they don’t plan on something like cake and punch after the ceremony?
What was the wording on the original invitation?
Post # 7
Nope. Super weird and super rude. And your predicament is precisely why it shouldn’t be done that way. The reception is a thank you to your guests for attending and witnessing your ceremony. When you make them separate days then you run the risk they cannot attend both. I’ve heard of at home celebrations where you throw an ADDITIONAL party for those unable (or not invited) to attend the destination wedding (and I’m even iffy on those sometimes – no one needs a consolation party). But you still have at minimum a dinner for your ceremony guests immediately afterward.
But then again I’m confused on there being a separate honeymoon not at the destination of the wedding, too. Generally you’re killing two birds with one stone and honeymooning at your destination wedding spot.
Post # 8
They should absolutely be hosting people who attend their ceremony – ESPECIALLY a destination ceremony! How absurd. I understand having a separate “at home” reception later, but that’s usually a second one, not the ONLY one. I’d reconsider your travel plans honestly. If you’re looking to spend time with family, it sounds like the at home reception will have more family time.
Post # 9
daddysangel3c : Are you positive there’s nothing after the ceremony? It’s definitely not standard to have a dw ceremony only, and then 2 weeks later have the reception. It is quite common, however, to have a dw (ceremony and reception), and then also have a second reception later for people who couldn’t make it to the dw. If it truly is just the ceremony, depending on how close this relative is, I might change my RSVP. Usually changing an rsvp is pretty shitty (unless it’s an emergency) but in this case, what they did was way shittier. Hey wait though — the whole purpose of rsvps is so they know how many people to pay for. Why would they need rsvps for a ceremony only? I would double-check, bee. Because either lines got crossed and there IS some sort of reception that would require a headcount in advance, or they are off their rockers and won’t be out a dime if you just cancel at this point. Most hotels allow you to cancel up until check-in day, unless you booked it non-refundable for a special price or something.
Post # 10
SMOB is incorrect. This is NOT standard at all.
What *is* fairly normal for DW’s is for the couple to host a second party back home when they return to be able to celebrate with those who weren’t able to make it to the wedding or who were not invited in cases where the wedding itself is extremely small (like family only or a full on elopement). However, in these cases the norm is still to host a same-day reception of some kind for the guests attending the ceremony, even if it is just a low-key dinner or cookout.
Honestly, I’d pick up the phone and clarify with the bride and/or groom. Let them know that there has been some confusion and that you cannot attend both and ask what kind of reception is planned for the evening of the wedding. When they say there is nothing planned for that evening then let them know that unfortunately, you will need to decline as it makes no sense to drive 7 hours round trip for a 20 minute event and you’ll see if you are able to make it to the reception instead.
Post # 11
Yes, I’m sure, I thought that I misunderstood, but I read the invitation again, it says nothing about a reception, I just assumed on this part. When we got the second invitation, I asked and was told that the bride and groom were going to start their honeymoon directly after (changing then leaving) to spend the evening at a theme park and which is within an hour of the ceremony location this is also their honeymoon location for a week. All other guests (besides a couple we don’t know who are also spending the night) are leaving to drive back home. Most of the guests live in their area, it’s only us and the bride’s grandparents that live near close to us. From what I now hear, they wanted everyone to RSVP to the ceremony to see how many people would actually make the trip, after a lot of people declined they decided to do a reception closer to home and B&Gdecided that they wanted to be in the theme park celebrating on their wedding day even though none of their guests are going ot the park.
Post # 12
I had a Destination Wedding and this is NOT standard. When my invitations went out I made sure all ceremony and reception info was communicated immediately or was made available immediately. What they did was short sighted and rude.
Edit: Just saw your update. They are just rude people. They didn’t give a rat’s ass about inconveniencing guests. It was all about what was convenient for them.
Post # 13
This is odd and I would personally consider not attending the wedding at all and cancelling my room reservation. That’s quite a bit of money to spend to attend a ceremony with nothing hosted afterwards. Alternatively, guests of the wedding could get together and make reservations for a meal afterwards somewhere since you will all be in the same place at the same time.
Post # 14
Honestly at this point I would just skip the whole weird rude thing. Surely you have better things to do with your time than spend 7 hours in a car for a half-hour ceremony where they don’t even care to spend any amount of time with you because, you know, roller coasters. It’s not like changing your mind now costs them anything because they weren’t going to host you for anything. Their ceremony will cost them the same amount of money whether everyone attends or no one attends
Post # 15
This might be one of the rudest things I’ve ever read on here. If they had communicated everything up front okay still rude imo but at least guests can make an informed decision. But seeing how many people RSVP then deciding not to have a reception immediately following..wtf