Delayed reception

posted 10 months ago in Guests
Post # 2
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

I’ve never heard of that and it seems like a very strange thing to do.  Even if they wanted to have the delayed reception, that’s fine, but they had an obligation to inform their guests of that up front and it seems as though they didn’t.

You made plans according to what they told you, and if you can’t make the reception then you can’t make it.  People can get mad or whatever, but you’re not obligated to appease people.  Asking people to make two long-distance trips for a wedding isn’t reasonable.

Post # 3
5717 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

It definitely isn’t a standard thing for a destination wedding, if anything people host their guests more when they have a Destination Wedding.

I actually think it is super rude to not highlight that it is just a ceremony.  I’m not sure how you would have spent more time with family if you knew it was only a ceremony in advance?  Since you have already booked a hotel can’t you see your family for the evening after the wedding? 

I wouldn’t let stepmom make you feel bad! No guests should be expected to travel so far for two wedding events. 

Post # 5
2894 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

daddysangel3c :  Yeah, I think this is strange and I’d be a bit annoyed if I weren’t given all of the details before comitting. 

I wouldn’t be surprised if they have a decent amount of declines to either the ceremony or reception, because unless the guests are local to one of the events they’re asking a lot for people to travel twice in two weeks.

Post # 6
47203 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Even an intimate family only ceremony should be followed the same day by a reception of some sort for the guests.Are you sure they don’t plan on something like cake and punch after the ceremony?

What was the wording on the original invitation?

Post # 7
4568 posts
Honey bee

Nope.  Super weird and super rude.  And your predicament is precisely why it shouldn’t be done that way.  The reception is a thank you to your guests for attending and witnessing your ceremony.  When you make them separate days then you run the risk they cannot attend both.  I’ve heard of at home celebrations where you throw an ADDITIONAL party for those unable (or not invited) to attend the destination wedding (and I’m even iffy on those sometimes – no one needs a consolation party).  But you still have at minimum a dinner for your ceremony guests immediately afterward.

But then again I’m confused on there being a separate honeymoon not at the destination of the wedding, too.  Generally you’re killing two birds with one stone and honeymooning at your destination wedding spot.

Post # 8
6821 posts
Busy Beekeeper

They should absolutely be hosting people who attend their ceremony – ESPECIALLY a destination ceremony! How absurd. I understand having a separate “at home” reception later, but that’s usually a second one, not the ONLY one. I’d reconsider your travel plans honestly. If you’re looking to spend time with family, it sounds like the at home reception will have more family time.

Post # 9
8864 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

daddysangel3c :  Are you positive there’s nothing after the ceremony? It’s definitely not standard to have a dw ceremony only, and then 2 weeks later have the reception. It is quite common, however, to have a dw (ceremony and reception), and then also have a second reception later for people who couldn’t make it to the dw. If it truly is just the ceremony, depending on how close this relative is, I might change my RSVP. Usually changing an rsvp is pretty shitty (unless it’s an emergency) but in this case, what they did was way shittier. Hey wait though — the whole purpose of rsvps is so they know how many people to pay for. Why would they need rsvps for a ceremony only? I would double-check, bee. Because either lines got crossed and there IS some sort of reception that would require a headcount in advance, or they are off their rockers and won’t be out a dime if you just cancel at this point. Most hotels allow you to cancel up until check-in day, unless you booked it non-refundable for a special price or something.

Post # 10
3529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

SMOB is incorrect. This is NOT standard at all.

What *is* fairly normal for DW’s is for the couple to host a second party back home when they return to be able to celebrate with those who weren’t able to make it to the wedding or who were not invited in cases where the wedding itself is extremely small (like family only or a full on elopement).  However, in these cases the norm is still to host a same-day reception of some kind for the guests attending the ceremony, even if it is just a low-key dinner or cookout.

Honestly, I’d pick up the phone and clarify with the bride and/or groom. Let them know that there has been some confusion and that you cannot attend both and ask what kind of reception is planned for the evening of the wedding. When they say there is nothing planned for that evening then let them know that unfortunately, you will need to decline as it makes no sense to drive 7 hours round trip for a 20 minute event and you’ll see if you are able to make it to the reception instead.

Post # 12
1678 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I had a Destination Wedding and this is NOT standard.  When my invitations went out I made sure all ceremony and reception info was communicated immediately or was made available immediately.  What they did was short sighted and rude.  

Edit: Just saw your update.  They are just rude people.  They didn’t give a rat’s ass about inconveniencing guests.  It was all about what was convenient for them.  

Post # 13
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

This is odd and I would personally consider not attending the wedding at all and cancelling my room reservation.  That’s quite a bit of money to spend to attend a ceremony with nothing hosted afterwards.  Alternatively, guests of the wedding could get together and make reservations for a meal afterwards somewhere since you will all be in the same place at the same time.  

Post # 14
4568 posts
Honey bee

Honestly at this point I would just skip the whole weird rude thing. Surely you have better things to do with your time than spend 7 hours in a car for a half-hour ceremony where they don’t even care to spend any amount of time with you because, you know, roller coasters. It’s not like changing your mind now costs them anything because they weren’t going to host you for anything. Their ceremony will cost them the same amount of money whether everyone attends or no one attends

Post # 15
814 posts
Busy bee

This might be one of the rudest things I’ve ever read on here. If they had communicated everything up front okay still rude imo but at least guests can make an informed decision. But seeing how many people RSVP then deciding not to have a reception immediately

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