(Closed) delayed thank you's — is this ok?!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@primcess:  Usually I heard 3 months is max.

Post # 4
Member
6824 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Technically a couple has up to a year to do thank yous…

Post # 5
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t think you should wait this long but i’ve heard that you have up to 6 months to a year to send a thank you note after the wedding.  I got married end of October and have about half of my Thank you’s finished.  Hoping to get the rest out before the new year.

Maybe they really ae just waiting to have a honeymoon photo included?

Post # 6
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

@Sassygrn:  No – that’s a common (and oft-repeated) misconception: GUESTS have up to a year to send a gift, but the thank-yous should be sent much more promptly. Ideally ASAP, but three months is about the most you can get away with before crossing the line into “rude” territory.

Post # 7
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Honestly, out of all the weddings and showers we’ve/I’ve attended in the past five years (maybe more), I’ve gotten a whopping ONE thank you card. Yes, ONE. So to be quite candid, there’s a good chance you may never get one. Does it make it okay? No, but it happens.

We’ve also been quite generous when we’ve attended birthday parties for kids (and we don’t have kids of our own yet) and spent $50-200 per child. Out of all those parties, we got one Thank You card, and that was from someone Darling Husband sees on a daily basis.

When we sent ours out (and we were at the 2 month mark post-wedding), we had a lot of people say “Wow, that was fast!” and then “A lot of people we know don’t even do one!”

Post # 8
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I know alot of people go by the year rule for thankyou notes.  I had two thankyou notes come in almost one year to the day.  One from someone my age and one from my great aunt, so it’s not generational. 

My other aunt told me the year thing is because if the couple split up before the year, they have to send the gifts back, so I guess people wait to see how it goes lol

Post # 9
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I honestly think its rude if its after the 3 month mark. Sorry but it shouldn’t take that long. I am still waiting for one from June. I honestly dont even expect to ever get it at this point. Which in my opinion is really rude. 

Post # 10
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

Delaying the honeymoon, is not a reason to delay thanking someone for their gift. 

You don’t get to delay your thank you’s until the time you use the gravy boat.  You thank them right away. 

If the couple REALLY, REALLY, wants to send a photo and they are not available immediately (within a week or two) then the notes should be sent, and then a second mailing sent later. 

 

Post # 11
Member
5011 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

I know that I’m a bit of a freak, but I hate paper. I mean really hate it. All I see when I see most paper is waste and mess. Unless it’s something I’m going to frame, I’d rather have an email or some time with the person.

So no, I’m not offended if a couple hasn’t sent me a thank you letter. Honestly, I only ever think of it briefly in passing. 

Post # 12
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Oh thank god! haha I’m so relieved to realize that I haven’t crossed into ‘rude’ territory yet with ours. We had our wedding mid-November then went on a 2 week honeymoon, then of course we’ve both had such intensely busy times at work/school, working late every night to catch up on what was missed while we were busy with wedding plans and then away, and now it’s Christmas! I have been really worried that all our guests must think we are so rude for not having done thank-yous yet, over a month after the wedding. Glad to hear there are worse people than me! haha.. I didn’t realize ‘within 3 months’ was the rule – I mean I’m relieved to hear it, but 3 months seems a little tardy to me. Ideally I would have been working on them for the past week, and had them all sent by around 6 weeks post-wedding at the latest. But Christmas is kind of putting a damper on that plan. Aiming for first thing January. 

One question on this though – most people tend to put a professional photo from their wedding on the thank-you card, right? That, ideally, was our plan, but our photographer isn’t done with our photos yet (though he almost is). And from what I hear, he is pretty fast, compared to many wedding photographers, where people have to wait months! How do you get around this?

Post # 13
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

It doesn’t bother me one tiny bit if I get a thank you or not. It’s just so not important overall.

Post # 14
Member
1099 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@KCKnd2:  +1

Guests have up to a year to give gifts. Couples have I believe 3 months.

Althou, in this situation I kind of understand, since it was delayed.

Post # 15
Member
3141 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I heard they had up to a year as well and if they’re want to give a special Ty w photos from honeymoon or wedding then its silly to send two at separate times. We haven’t finished ours as we just got back our photo Ty card to send

Post # 16
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Honestly, as long as they thank people at some point, just be glad they actually sent the thank yous (or will in your case). It’s never too alte to say thank you, but yes, it would’ve been better to have done it before.

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