Post # 1
Hi everyone. I feel a bit foolish writing this but I want objective responses. So my story goes we been together for over three years and we are both in our 40s. We have children from previous partners. He promised me to get married after we moved in together within that year. He knew I wanted to get married first due to my faith but due to wanting to save money for our new life it made sense to move in together. Now it’s two years later and he has changed the date over five times. The only reason he has told me is we have had disagreements, which were based on him not making us a priority and wanting to only focus on other things like work, problems with his ex, etc. I believe in keeping your word and solving problems together so i don’t understand. He frequently wants everything his way too. I’m so confused and I feel like I’m wasting my time. Our intimacy has been diminished too and I eonder if he is unfaithful. I’m so confused.
Post # 2
Yes, you’re wasting your time. I would have been gone at the second date change. Cut your losses and move on.
Post # 3
I am so sorry. Expect a lot of Bees to hound on you for moving in with him before marriage, but if he wanted to marry you, he would have married you. Moving in with a man is a healthy thing to do if you find yourselves compatible and committed. A 2 year delay is ridiculous. You wonder if he’s cheating, you feel he’s a bad communicator. I’d cut your losses and move on. He doesn’t get to keep changing dates on you and faulting you for it.
Post # 5
You’re too old to be this obtuse. There is nothing confusing about this scenario other than your obvious willingness to subject yourself (and your kids!) to it.
Just be done with him already or knuckle under once again and make your peace with never getting married.
Post # 6
You’re being strung along…with your permission. You have to choose to stop compromising your own values and letting him get away with excuses. You haven’t stood up for yourself or those values……maybe you should start now.
In case it isn’t clear….he has no intention of marrying you.
Post # 7
A wedding is only as expensive as you make it. The only things required to marry are two willing adults, the license which is usually well under $100 in most states/locations, and someone who can legally officiate. So if getting married was actually important to either one of you, you could have been married. Surely between the two of you, you’ve spent at least $100 on non-necessities in the last two years that could have been spent on getting married – clothes or make-up, eating out, seeing a movie, a trip to Starbucks or the vending machine at work, etc.
But that’s likely all moot because you don’t seem to fulfill the first of the three criteria – two willing adults. At a certain point you need to decide if you’re okay living with someone who clearly doesn’t want to marry and makes excuses and doesn’t seem to want to work together with you as just a non-married partner either.
Post # 8
Dear OP, don’t be confused, the situation is, l’m afraid, not confusing, but a clear case of him not wanting marriage and not caring that you DO want it ( and have openly always wanted it ). That the relationship has, by your own admission, deteriorated , is not surprising
As pps have said, you have a choice
- accept what he wants, or rather doesn’t want, put aside your own wishes and desires and never bring the subject up again
- give him a clear timeline for a modest wedding date, and as unemotionally as possible, outline the consequences should he move the dates again, ie, you leaving him.
- continue sadly on as you are now
It is not a good place to be, l do hope you can take control soon. All the options carry consequences of course, resentment not being the least of this.