Delayed wedding 2 years still no date

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1495 posts
Bumble bee

Yes, you’re wasting your time. I would have been gone at the second date change. Cut your losses and move on.

Post # 3
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

I am so sorry. Expect a lot of Bees to hound on you for moving in with him before marriage, but if he wanted to marry you, he would have married you. Moving in with a man is a healthy thing to do if you find yourselves compatible and committed. A 2 year delay is ridiculous. You wonder if he’s cheating, you feel he’s a bad communicator. I’d cut your losses and move on. He doesn’t get to keep changing dates on you and faulting you for it.

Move. On.

Post # 4
Member
391 posts
Helper bee

Leave.

Post # 5
Member
3754 posts
Honey bee

You’re too old to be this obtuse. There is nothing confusing about this scenario other than your obvious willingness to subject yourself (and your kids!) to it. 

Just be done with him already or knuckle under once again and make your peace with never getting married. 

Post # 6
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

You’re being strung along…with your permission.  You have to choose to stop compromising your own values and letting him get away with excuses.  You haven’t stood up for yourself or those values……maybe you should start now.

In case it isn’t clear….he has no intention of marrying you.  

 

 

Post # 7
Member
4387 posts
Honey bee

A wedding is only as expensive as you make it.  The only things required to marry are two willing adults, the license which is usually well under $100 in most states/locations, and someone who can legally officiate.  So if getting married was actually important to either one of you, you could have been married.  Surely between the two of you, you’ve spent at least $100 on non-necessities in the last two years that could have been spent on getting married – clothes or make-up, eating out, seeing a movie, a trip to Starbucks or the vending machine at work, etc.

But that’s likely all moot because you don’t seem to fulfill the first of the three criteria – two willing adults.  At a certain point you need to decide if you’re okay living with someone who clearly doesn’t want to marry and makes excuses and doesn’t seem to want to work together with you as just a non-married partner either.  

 

Post # 8
Member
8168 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Dear OP, don’t be confused, the situation is, l’m afraid, not confusing, but a clear case of him not wanting marriage and not caring that you DO want it ( and have openly always wanted it ). That the relationship has, by your own admission, deteriorated , is not surprising

As pps have said, you have a choice

  • accept what he wants, or rather doesn’t want, put aside your own wishes and desires and never bring the subject up again
  • give him a clear timeline for a modest wedding date, and as unemotionally as possible, outline the consequences should he move the dates again, ie, you leaving him.
  • continue sadly on as you are now

It is not a good place to be, l do hope you can take control soon. All the options carry consequences of course, resentment not being the least of this. 

lily1414 :  

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