(Closed) Delivery Question

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think we agreed to just ban everyone until I’m ready, including if I have to be put under for some reason, they have to wait to see the baby… But I’d be interested to hear from someone who has actually done it too!

Post # 4
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We didn’t call anyone until after my daughter was born, that way we had no one barging in on the three of us. Our parents all live in the same town, so when we were ready to have visitors we called them. They knew we were at the hospital before we went there, but they really didn’t know how progressed I was in my labour or how soon it was going to happen. I think they would have shown up sooner if my labour wasn’t so quick, but I started my contractions at 230 in the afternoon and she was born at 5! Everyone thought it was going to take alot longer than it actually did! Congrats on going all natural, I did it twice without a single drug and I am so glad that I did! You can do it!

Post # 5
Member
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I honestly don’t think you need to be nice about telling people your wishes.  You try to be polite and people just won’t understand how important that one particular aspect is to you.

 

Post # 6
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’d tell them to GTFO!  Honestly, if you’re worried about it, I’d request that they not be in the room during pushing and your SO should be the one getting them out of there! Or just not tell anyone when you go into labor, and let people know after the birth and you already started breastfeeding 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Don’t be shy about what you want. This is your experience and really only needs to be shared with your significant other. You won’t get those first minutes with Darling Husband and your baby back, so make sure that people are aware of your wishes. Let your nurse know as well, so no stray gets get through before you are ready.

Also, I would anticipate wanting less people in the room with you and a good chunk of alone time. You never know if things will change in that moment from what you think now, and it’s easier to invite people in than to kick them out. I know a few people who were really stressed out by who was in the room at different points in time.

I intended for my mom and Darling Husband to be with me during labor and delivery. My dad came out with my mom, but wasn’t there the whole time and was not in with me during late labor or delivery. I was induced on a Monday and gave birth at 6am Tuesday. We told my in-laws not to come, since they work and have a farm, and my Father-In-Law had hip surgery and can’t sit/walk/stand for very long. They ignored us and came at noon on Monday and stayed the entire time, despite my Father-In-Law being in pain. They didn’t bother me when I was in later labor, but after the fact I found out that my Mother-In-Law was sneaking around trying to see us and hear what was going on while I was in the tub room and then back in my room getting closer to pushing. The nurses had to keep yelling at her and making her go back to the waiting room. After delivery, my mom took a few pictures of our son and went to the waiting room to show them and my dad. No one came in until after I was stitched/cleaned up and sitting in bed, but then they all flooded in before I was ready. Thankfully they didn’t stay long (in laws left to go to work, my parents went to our house to sleep), so after a while we were alone again.

My Mother-In-Law made some pretty direct comments to my SIL about not being in the room when my mom was going to be, and a few more subtle comments to me. I stood my ground just reiterated what my plan was (just my mom and Darling Husband there with me). I felt a little guilty, but ultimately it’s what I want. I love my Mother-In-Law, but she cannot sit still and she is high strung, and I knew she would stress me out. I wish it was different, but it isn’t and I didn’t want to be stressed out more by her.

If you change your mind and want someone to leave, let your nurse know. She can take the blame in the moment for kicking people out so you don’t have to worry about it. When I was in labor and going back to my room from the tub room, I had her kick everyone out. The time in the tub had me go from labor that was pretty much stalled to active, late labor, so I didn’t want my in laws or dad in there.

Also, expect your hormones/emotions to be a little wacky after. I had no idea I’d end up being so possessive of my son. I was willing to pass him around, but not a lot right away and I had to be ready to hand him over. My Darling Husband asked me to let his mom hold him at one point in time when she came to see us and I wasn’t ready to let go of him just yet and I lost it. Hormones and emotions can get crazy. Don’t feel guilty. Everyone will get to meet and see your child soon enough. This is your child, not theirs.

Post # 8
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

my exs family insisted on being in the room when i had my daughter and i flat out told them when they came to “visit” if they werent there at conception they couldnt be there for delivery. make sure you tell ur ob too that you dont want anyone but your SO or whoever in with you. its your birth you make the rules.

Post # 9
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I learned that if I’m not visually passionate about what I’m requesting (AKA firm and demanding) people won’t take my wishes seriously. When you’re all nice and “oh well, we’d really appreciate it if we were the only ones…” you get the “well, you might change your mind” but if you go the “I am NOT permitting anyone but Darling Husband until after delivery” they take you seriously and aren’t as likely to ask again 🙂

Post # 10
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

First off, set up the expectation that it will only be you and your husband. Any time it’s mentioned just talk about how it’ll be a bonding experience for you and him to do together or something.

Secondly use the nurses & hospital policy to your advantage. Most will be more than happy to kick people out of the room for you citing some hospital-related reason (limiting the number of guests).

Our hospital only allows 3 people in the delivery room (still more than I want) and they let you stay for 1-2 hours after delivery so you don’t have deal with an onslaught of guests. And they said if you ever are feeling overwhelmed by guests they can ask everyone to leave and say it’s because they need to do something.

Lastly perhaps wait to notify people that you’ve gone into labor. We’ll call our immediate family to let them know that we’re going to the hospital, but we’ll probably tell them to wait until we call them to come by (since it can take a while).

Post # 11
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

We took a breastfeeding class that recommended you have alone time with just you, your husband, and your baby for at least an hour or until the baby latches on. After that class, we each told our mom’s that we would like to do that. I expected my mom to be at least a little upset that she couldn’t meet her granddaughter right away, but she said we should do what’s best for the baby. My Mother-In-Law was also very happy that we were going to have this bonding experience. I feel a lot better about it now that they know to expect to wait a while before we’ll let them in the room.

Post # 12
Member
801 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Luckily both my parents and my in-laws live about a 3 hour drive away.  We agreed that we would call them when I went into labor just to let them know (a follow up rule was they weren’t allowed to call us at all after that) and call them again after baby was born, at which time they were welcome to drive over to visit (guaranteed me a window of several hours without anyone there but Darling Husband and baby).  Since I went so fast, we never called them until after baby was born, about an hour later.  We were way too busy and overwhelmed to think about calling anyone right away.  It worked out well since baby came early, no one was prepared to just jump in the car.  My mom and stepdad still worked a full day and drove in that night and my in-laws had some other commitments to fulfill that morning so they didn’t arrive until late afternoon. 

I’d suggest you set your boundaries and stick to your guns.  This is your experience, not theirs.

Post # 13
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

We just didn’t tell anyone I was in labor until I was about 7 or 8 centimeters dilated.  My in-laws were too far away to be there for the birth, but I knew my sister and mom would want to be in the room the whole time if they were given enough notice, so we just waited to tell them I was in labor.  By the time my parents made it to the hospital, I had Addie was born, I was cleaned up, and we had a couple hours alone with her.

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