(Closed) Demanding Bride & Entitled Bridesmaids

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
38 posts
Newbee

View original reply
botheredbridesmaid:  Can I give you a hug? 

You broke my heart at ‘ not being financially prepared to handle her wedding’. Paying for other people’s weddings is not a career or budgeting goal. It goes under descretional income. You were just peachy with a few hundred dollars, now its is just too much. 

You should feel horrible, but not about your money, but about how she is treating you.  Men call this behavior gold digging. You are not her sugar daddy. She has no say in how much you ‘contribute’. I have no problem with a few hundred dollars, but when the financial pressure is devestating you…. that may be an indication.  

If you can afford several hundred dollars for a party, you are not poor. Some brides have taken to belittling, finacially patronising and slightling the dignity of BMs who cannot or will not fund their dream weddings. You are an adult. You have a righ to be treated like one. You are entitled to the dignity and privacy of your finances. Set boundries. Regain your self worth.

If she wanted to live in a certain style, she should go earn the money herself in her career. It is 2015. If she wanted to gold dig, she should have gotten a wealthier husband to keep her in that lifestyle. 

If you have time, read the other threads on BMs on the boards. There is post after post of lost friendships over weddings and expenses. ‘Worst reception ever’ thread had several people who paid thousands to attend weddings as guests or attendents, only to never hear from the couple again after the wedding. 

I’m sorry that I do not have some magic advice to keep your friend and your credit score and self respect. I wish she was happy with $500 or $600 of your money, but appearently she wants more. 

Post # 18
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m sorry you’re going through this.  It’s tough when you WANT to go above and beyond, but you have to mind your own finances, and frankly, my jaw dropped at the money she is spending on the wedding but even moreso the shower – the ones I have been to have always been pretty low-key affairs, taking place in a family’s home or a church reception hall with some finger foods, games, etc. so I have no idea what a $3k+ shower would even entail.  I agree with PP – you need to be frank about how much you want to be involved, but aren’t financially able to do everything that she wants.  I’d expect a big blow-out initially, but hopefully if your friendship is strong, she’ll understand and you two can work things out.

Post # 19
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee

You’re not the bride.  I would just sit back and take things as they come, and leave the drama to the 3 bridesmaid-zillas.  You know?  Not your problem.  Just answer truthfully when they ask you what you can afford.

Can’t afford the hotel?  Go to the activities and get your Fiance to pick you up (some of my girls did this and I didn’t mind at all!  I was just happy to have them there).  You said the $140 dress is no problem, looks like it’s $199 with tax.  Okay, get that out of the way.  Etc.

Just be honest with yourself and her and stay out of the drama is my advice.

Post # 20
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee

It sounds like you were more than willing but now the bride is trying to use the bridesmaids to prop up and finance her expensive tastes and that’s not cool. 

I would hold your line. Bridal showers aren’t the done thing here in the UK, but I thought they were just a few nibbles and an afternoon with nearest and dearest. No way are they $3000 events. If her budget has been almost doubled already, she may well be prepared to go into debt for the wedding (or expects to be bailed out). But, that doesn’t put an obligation on anyone else. 

Simply say that you can afford the rough budget discussed previously but given all the increases, you will be unable to participate in some events. Any sane person would put their friends company first. 

Post # 21
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

View original reply
botheredbridesmaid:  wow that is a lot! 

For my wedding my Maid/Matron of Honor threw the party, I was aware of details but she did everything with the help of my sister too. My bridesmaids dresses were 30 dollars without alterations (long dresses but somehow only a few needed the hem done anyways).  Because of money constraints not everyone had their hair and make up done. Which was fine no big deal to me. Not even I had professional make up done lol 

I feel like she is asking too much. 

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