(Closed) Demanding bride??

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

That sounds like the bride is expecting an awful lot.  Brides are not even supposed to ask for a party so she has gall asking for an additional “mini lingerie shower”.  Wow!  I say, do what you can do.  If you can afford all of the little extras, great!  If you can’t, don’t feel bad about it and don’t overextend yourself.  These are GIFTS and the bride should be grateful for whatever she gets.  I wouldn’t even make it a discussion just work it with the other bridesmaids and make it very clear what you can and cannot afford to do.  End of story.  They can’t shake you down for money you don’t have and even if you do have it, it’s up to you to spend as you wish.

Good luck.

Post # 4
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Hmm…to be honest, I think that’s sort of average for the cost of a wedding. I’m in a wedding in April that had a $200 dress, $350 for the bridal shower, $200 for the bachelorette party, and that doesn’t count my gift or the fact that I have to pay for a 2 night stay at a hotel in Philly. 

While I think it’s a little much that she’s requesting the lingerie shower, I don’t think her bachelorette party needs to be that extravagant. Can you just have something small at someone’s house to include her 13 year old little sister and then head out on the town a little later? That might help with the cost of the bachelorette party.

Post # 5
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

That is pretty excessive. I would be stressed about the money, too! 

First, is the bachelorette party already planned? It seems like the cheapest way to incorporate her sister AND have the traditional party is to go to dinner with “everyone”, then transition to the bars after. If it’s already planned, obviously, this isn’t an option.

As far as gifts, if you are throwing the shower and bachelorette (i.e. contributing money), you’re not technically expected to bring a gift, as well. If you really feel like giving a gift, I would just scale down a bit. Maybe $20 for a shower gift and, for the lingerie shower, go to TJMaxx/Marshalls/Ross/Burlington and buy a $10 babydoll and call it a day. 

There’s not a lot you can do now about some of the expenses (even though it sucks), but just try to cut back where you can. Sorry you’re going through this!

Post # 6
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I may be biased because I’m in the same situation. I’m in a wedding this year too and your friend sounds just like mine. She’s made several requests for what she wants for her bachelorette & shower and at this point I’m just exhausted & don’t want to spend any more money. I love my friend but to me these extra expenses are just too much.

I have no advice for you, sorry 🙁 I have tried telling my friend very bluntly that I have $X budgeted for her wedding and that I really can’t spend any more than that, but she just like your friend doesn’t seem to understand that or even hear what I’m saying. I feel like the only solution is for me to suck it up and pay if I don’t want to upset her.

ETA: I just wanted to add that my friend initially asked us to spend $1k+ each on her bachelorette, while I had budgeted they typical amount like PP mentioned.

Post # 7
Member
1569 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think the coists are average these days for a wedding, but I do think she is asking for a lot. I think its horrible that she’s soliciting gifts like she is! The lingerie party is too much. If someone wants to give a naughty/nice gift, they should be able to without it being an olbligation. 

Post # 8
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@VegasSukie:  Everything she said. I’ve been in the same spot as you lately. Even the lingerie shower the bride said the BMs have to put on for her. I said I don’t have to do anything like that, if I want to- I will. End of story.

Post # 9
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

She can request all she wants, doesn’t mean you have to do it.

Dinner then bars for the bachelorette party sounds perfect and doesn’t have to be expensive. I have never given a gift for the party, only bridal shower and wedding.

Post # 10
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I have a Bridesmaid or Best Man in many weddings, and the cost can get out of control VERY quickly!! 

As far as your specific situation, I think you could absolutely add an insert in the invites about bringing a little something sexy for the Bride (optional), but that does not mean you need to get her something too!!  I think she would absolutely understand that your gift to her is the party!!

 

 

Post # 11
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

That’s pretty awful of her to ask for all that of her bridesmaids. All of mine live out of town and basicially the only thing I asked them to pay for was their dresses and to make sure they get down here. They are not even going to be able to come to the bridal shower, my stepmom is throwing it for me. And the bachelorette is going to be pretty low key such as bar hopping or just going to a club. I am not asking anyone to rent a limo or throw me extra parties. Everyone is paying enough. I even had to cover the cost of two of my bridesmaids dresses so I would say they are getting off pretty easy. She should know with your own wedding coming up that money would certainly be tight. But some people are just so oblivious. IMO It does seem to me like she is asking a lot but maybe you guys should not have committed to all of these events before your own wedding. It is hard though when a bunch of close friends are all getting married at the same time. I agree with one of the PP’s about just trying to do everything cheaper like buying cheaper lingere for the party and doing something more low key for the bachelorette.

Post # 12
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I do not think it is right for the bride to dictate what parties she has. Have you talked with the other bridesmaids about any of this. It is a nice gesture to throw a shower and a bachelorette party, anything on top of this is excessive and is not your responsibility. I also don’t think you are obligated to attend all of these parties.

Post # 13
Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Typically if you host the shower, you don’t need to purchase an additional gift for the bride.  I would do what others suggested and throw a small party at someone’s house and then go out for a night out on the town.  It doesn’t have to be so fancy.  Wedding are really overwhelming and very expensive for guests involved.  I’m always sensitive to people telling me how I need to spend my money, so I’ve tried to be mindful of that through the planning process.

Post # 14
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think she is being rude, she must know you are not very well off so it makes it worse, I am buying my bridesmaids dresses etc as a gift.

The Maid/Matron of Honor is paying for my bachelorette because it is a surprise for me and she doesn’t want me to know whats going on. she let me have some say in it eg stuff I really do not want or would I like a theme but thats all. I would be so uncomfortable making demands of her even though (in my case) she does have more money than me.

My only suggestion for you is meet up for a coffee or something and mention that this bride is not being considerate of your financial problems at all (implying the other bride you are in the wedding for) then say I can’t wait until my wedding and then I can be bridezilla and boss her around (make it sound like a joke) that might get her thinking about you a bit more

The topic ‘Demanding bride??’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors