Post # 32
He has no right to tell you that you should have eloped from the beginning (unless that was your dream wedding style before…). This is supposed to be a celebration of you and your fiance. Not a reunion for family drama. I hope your fiance will stand up for the both of you (I believe the bride should take care of family issues on her side, the groom on his family’s side, to avoid future drama) but if he is not the confrontational type ….
Maybe wait for the “no” RSVPs before making a final decision? You can always say “due to fire marshall regulations” or something like that.
I’m sorry this is happening to both you. Don’t stress out too much … it will all work out.
Post # 33
Let the friends come if he’s covering the cost. Usually about 20% rsvp “no” so I wouldn’t worry about the # of guests yet. Your Fiance should be the one to decide about his dad, uncle & cousin though.
Post # 34
That is exactly what I feel like saying (restraining myself)! My Fiance is afraid of saying that because paying for the honeymoon helps us financially.MY Fiance told them it was a fire hazard and he said he didnt care.
We were going to have a destination wedding but some family on both sides couldn’t make it. We canceled it and restarted in NYC. My Fiance is not the confrontational type. I feel like talking to his parents myself but am afraid that may do more harm than good.
Post # 35
I’d skip the honeymoon until you two can pay for it youselves to be out from under that bully’s thumb.
Post # 36
@bridepen: They are willing to pay for our honeymoon and I guess they feel like we owe them?”
That’s…the long and short of it. It would be nice if they were paying for it out of the kindness of their hearts, but apparently they view it as a business transaction. That being the case, I don’t see that you have another choice that doesn’t jeopardize your honeymoon. I personally would not allow someone to bully me into excluding my own father from my wedding if I wanted them there and would put an all expenses paid honeymoon on the line for it. But apparently your fiance doesn’t feel so strongly about it.
Post # 37
we didn’t have a choice. fi’s parents said that we had to invite all of these people they wanted to because they helped pay for the wedding. if we didn’t invited them we didn’t get the money.
what really peeved me about it was that we were doing the invites and his mom “magically” remembered someone else that she wanted to invite. I really didn’t want to invite her because I had never met this woman in my life but of course she got her way and they were invited.
Post # 38
I’m surprised there are so few parents friends. They seemed to be the biggest group of guests at my wedding.
Post # 39
@bridepen: My Father-In-Law said the same thing to us, he wanted to invite his friends who we didn’t know and said firm, no they have to come, I’ll pay for their plates. Well, we didn’t really flush that out but they did help us out a lot financially to pay for the whole thing so we just invited them rather than cause a family issue. We ended up with a lot of people we didn’t know there – which we didn’t want to do in the first place – just to keep the peace with DH’s family.
Post # 40
I agree, unless it is a space issue and you really can only fit 100 guests. If he wants to pay for his 4 friends to attend, let him. It probably won’t make that big of a difference to you if they are there or not, but obvioulsy it makes a big difference to your fiance’s stepfather. I say pick your battles and this is just one you should let go.
Post # 41
What sort of relationship does Fiance have with his biological dad? If it’s at all close, then he should tell his mother and stepdad: “Dad is coming. Whether you come or not is up to you”. But as it stands, you are letting them blackmail you.
You say your stepdad says you should elope. He and your mother sound like spoiled children: “If it’s not the wedding we want, then no one else can attend the wedding either!. Waaaa!”. They need to grow up. Lots of divorced parents who hate each other manage to behave at weddings for the sake of their children. Mine did.