Post # 1
My fiancee and I would love a child-free wedding. With the one exception of my fiancees only nephew who is a page boy (2yrs old). He will be leaving after the ceremony and his parents enjoying the party child free.
The problem is my cousins are DEMON children. The type who eat spaghetti bolognaise with thier hands at 13yrs old… and kick strangers, and wind up the little ones, and burp/fart out loud for fun, at 15yrs old. The small ones are practically feral. And the others just appallingly bought up. I am more than happy to not invite kids and therefore not be selective in who i want to invite/hurt people, but it would really hurt my aunts (parents of devils) and my dad who recently lost his mum and therefore they are the only family he has left.
Everyone hates these children, and we decided the politest thing to do was to put feelers out to the parents and see if they even wanted the kids there or just wanted a good evening without them. Main thing i dont want is my vows ruined by demon brats playing up. Theres 12 of them in total!!!
Unfortunately my aunts all said ‘of course they must come – they’ve never been to a wedding before so its an experience for them’. WHAT?! I dont want to pay for someone who i dont want there, and is there (bored) for an experience? Its supposed to be about two people getting married.
Apparently now its set in stone that they are coming. I dont want them there, my fiancee doesn’t want them there, even my mum doesn’t. But to preserve feelings we’re inviting and paying for a hoard of devils to potentially piss us off during the service…
Help? Hold my ground and offend people but not worry… or just give in and put up with them. Hopefully i would be distracted enough not to notice them.
Post # 3
I’d tell them that your only having siblings kids at the actual ceremony and no other children to the ceremony or reception. 12 out of control kids, will not be any fun for you or your guests.
Post # 4
I totally sympathyse with you and for the exact same reasons, i wont be inviting my nephews and neices…..(grown ups) because their children are little savages. like yours they eat with their hands……Spag Boll! and wipe them ANYWHERE! furniture, walls, YOU….they are between 4-12. and all the family wont now invite them to even a barbeque in the garden because they are such animals. but its the parents faults…..
so to save any of that i am not inviting them, and have told them if i invite them, i would have to invite ALL the rest of the family which makes our small intimate wedding quite a bit bigger than we want. a small white lie….buts its basically true aswell. we DO want a small wedding, but there would have been room for another 12 family members if they would behave like human beings instead of pigs.
your biggest mistake really was to mention it in the first place, now you might have to invite them or risk upsetting them. maybe just tell them you are downsizing the wedding and even THEY are not invited now……it might be the only way to keep the kids away. good luck 🙁
Post # 5
OMG! I can’t stand it when people think a wedding is a free for all and not about the bride and groom. 12 feral children at a wedding do not mix! IMO, I wouldn’t care who I offended, people need to be put in their place and that children who behave like that will not be tolerated at your wedding. Your wedding is not the place for them to have an “experience”
Post # 6
Hmm Fiance and I are having an adult only reception, we dont feel like the reception is a place for kids etc. But we are letting children cousins, etc be a part of the ceremony becasue we feel like that is a family part. Anyways if you make a rule it should be a universal rule. Like no children except those in the wedding party etc. Good luck. Its a fight sometimes but you have to go to bat for what you want your day to be.
Post # 7
@Waves2: exactly, I would have no qualms about telling people they can’t bring their bad ass kids to my wedding. Sorry if the truth hurts their feelings!
Post # 8
I say don’t invite them! It’s your wedding. I don’t think the ceremony or the reception should be interrupted with children who don’t behave, and parents who obviously don’t care to try to discipline them.
At my FSIL’s wedding, two of her little cousins ran up to the cake table before they cut it and threw the flowers down and smushed the cake. Their parents did nothing.
…Yeah. They aren’t coming to our wedding.
Post # 9
No one under 18 (or 16)! just make a rule and stand firm!
Post # 10
I don’t think you are committed to inviting them just because you found out the aunts’ wanted the cousins invited.
I would invite adults only, and after the invitations are sent out, I would be in touch with the aunts to say that “I’m sorry, we wern’t able to invite the cousins. It just wasn’t possible to invite everyone we would have liked to.”
Post # 11
- Wedding: February 2013 - Colonial Country Club, Ft. Myers, FL
Look at Evie’s comment “At my FSIL’s wedding, two of her little cousins ran up to the cake table before they cut it and threw the flowers down and smushed the cake. Their parents did nothing.”
That’s what you can expect if you invite these children. The sad part its not their fault they act like uncivilized little brats. Its their parents fault. And the parents are obviously in denial, so talking to them about it will be futile. I say just don’t invite them, plain and simple, without discussion.
Post # 12
Post # 13
i wholeheartedly agree that they are in denial, but do you think they might be in so much denial that they will still bring them anyway……because they will ASSUME they are invited because they are their children? i hope not.
Jesus christ! how awful, and how disgusting and disrespectful of the parents. I might even have been so mad that i told THEM to leave and take their heathens with them….. in those words!
Post # 14
@anne B: I think it should be made explicitly clear to the parents that the children are not invited…in the most tactful way possible…but FIRMLY communicated.
Yeah I think my biggest pet peeve are parents who let their kids to whatever they freakin want without any discipline at all. I’m not saying they should be like soldiers…but some situations are just ridiculous.
Post # 15
Just don’t invite them. If the parents call etc. and demand that they come, tell them you regret that you’re unable to accomodate them. If they threaten to not come themselves, tell them you’re very sorry they’ll be unable to attend. Just leave it at that. Don’t make excuses or justifications or they’ll just try and talk around you.