- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2010
I’ve been lurking, and here is my first post. It’s long, so please bear with me.
I’m debating whether to demote my best friend as Maid/Matron of Honor. It all started a 6 weeks ago. She had gone with me to bridal salons to look at dresses over two Saturdays. After the second Saturday, I asked her if she was interested in going back to a couple salons so I could retry some dresses. She emailed me and said she would pass. She then emailed me a couple days later explaining that she was having a hard time dealing with not having any romantic prospects, and it was hitting her harder than usual. She was trying to sort stuff out, and that’s why she couldn’t go look at dresses with me anymore. We had dinner a few days later, and I told her it was fine (I didn’t want to push her). When I brought up some wedding-related stuff, she seemed disinterested and didn’t ask too many questions. Then that weekend, my fiance and I ran a race with my Maid/Matron of Honor and a few others. To make a long story short, my Maid/Matron of Honor got completely mad at me and my finace when we took the shuttle back to the hotel rather than look for them at the finish line. We had never discussed meeting at the finish line, and I had tried calling them but none of them had their cell phones on them. Even though my Maid/Matron of Honor knew I had my cell phone on me and has my number memorized, she never borrowed a cell phone to call me. When I told her that I didn’t know we were supposed to meet at the finish line, my Maid/Matron of Honor even admitted that she “just assumed”. We later realized that my Maid/Matron of Honor wasn’t really mad about not meeting her but rather she was upset that I’m getting married while her love life is stagnant. It’s almost as if she was looking for a reason to be mad at us. Because it didn’t make sense for her to be upset at us for not meeting them when we had never discussed post-race logistics. The following weekend, we had dinner with a mutual friend (planned before the race drama). I didn’t bring my fiance with me to dinner, and she never asked where he was or about how wedding planning was going. I didn’t contact her for about a week and a half because I figure I would give her some space, and then I finally emailed last week her saying that I was looking forward to my bachelorette party (which she had planned) this past Saturday. She replied saying I couldn’t stay over at her apartment on Saturday after the party because she had to do wake up early Sunday morning and suggested I stay over at another friend’s apartment. I was shocked by her email because she had let me stay over before when she had to leave the next morning and told me to make sure the door was locked and closed when I left. Things went even further downhill at the bacherloette party. She showed up over 50 minutes late to dinner, the last to show up! Her sister, who was also at the dinner, gave me a card and a small gift and two other friends gave me gifts while my Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t get me anything. She had gotten me a sash and a tiara, but the tiara was broken in half and there were no prongs in it to even put it in my hair. When a friend asked about my dress, my Maid/Matron of Honor pulled out her phone to show pictures (she took them during the first appointment at the salon). But she pulled up the wrong picture, and I had to find the pictures of my dress on her phone. She obviously didn’t even know which dress I got since she had bailed on dress shopping and wasn’t there when I bought it! When the bill came, my Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t take charge to figure out the bill. Instead, my other friends calculated how much each person owed and I later found out that there was some issue with the bill and my friend paid the difference because she didn’t want to bother trying to figure out what was wrong. After dinner we went to a bar, and my Maid/Matron of Honor and her sister disappeared for 40 minutes to move their car from a lot which closed at midnight. I took three rounds to go around the bar to do my scavenger hunt tasks, and my Maid/Matron of Honor only went with me during the very first round. My fiance’s female friend, who I invited to the party, emailed my fiance yesterday to say that she thought my Maid/Matron of Honor did a poor job as hostess! Despite my MOH’s minimal effort, I did have a good time at my bachelorette party.
I sent her a nice email yesterday thanking her for organizing the party, and we are trying to set up a time to meet one-on-one later this week. I am debating what to do. She has been a good friend to me for over 15 years, but she has been a complete disaapointment over the past 6 weeks. I never thought she would go MIA and show such disinterest in my wedding. We booked a wedding package in Vegas so there is actually very little for her to do. However, I feel completely uncomfortable asking her opinion on wedding-related issue right now. I’ve been relying on a few other friends to help me make these decision. I don’t know if should demote her and ask someone else to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. Although she has very little to do, I don’t want her standing up there with us with a forced smile and have her be in our pictures if she’s behaving like this. I honestly think she might be mildly depressed, and somehow my marriage has become about how lonely she is and how she hasn’t found anyone. I know it really bothers her that she doesn’t have anyone in her life. She doesn’t have much experience, and she always wonders why guys don’t hit on her, flirt with her, ask her out, like her, etc. Somehow her own sadness/depression about her love life has become more important than the happiness she should feel for me during this important time. My fiance thinks demotion is not worth the risk of losing the friendship, and I should just stick it out with her as Maid/Matron of Honor and see how the friendship is after the wedding. But her behavior has really saddened me and is stressing me out. I just don’t understand what I did wrong (if anything). I need a Maid/Matron of Honor who will be happy and supportive, and right now she’s not filling her role.