- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
My best friend from high school and I have always wanted each other as maid of honors in our weddings. When I got engaged, I could not choose one maid of honor between my close best friend and my best friend from high school, so I had two instead, and as far as I know, they were both excited to be MOHs. My best friend from high school got engaged while I was planning my wedding, and as soon as she was engaged, she asked me to be the maid of honor in her wedding. While I was planning my wedding, I asked her about how I could help her plan hers, which was occuring 5 months after mine, and she told me to worry about my wedding first and that I could begin planning her bachlorette party and bridal shower after my December wedding.
My high school friend was a great maid of honor, and exceeded her duties. She lives in another state, and flew several times to throw me a shower and a bachlorette party. She also was very supportive on my wedding day. 2 weeks after my wedding, I asked her what she needed help with for her wedding and wanted to know when she wanted her bachlorette party, etc. She told me we needed to have a talk because she asked another girl to be the Maid/Matron of Honor and wanted me to be a bridesmaid instead. I was shocked and devastated. Her oridinal reason for demoting me was her other friend does not work and has time to plan things. She explained that I’m in school and always busy, so she did not want me to stress out about being Maid/Matron of Honor. I was never given the chance to actually plan anything for her wedding, and had already written some of my speech and had several thoughts for a bachlorette party in place.
I feel very devastated because she told me she decided to change me as Maid/Matron of Honor one month before my wedding, but did not want to upset me at the time, and that is why she waited to break the bad news. On my wedding day, I told her several times that I was greatful for her and could not wait to repay her by being the Maid/Matron of Honor in her wedding, and she smiled every time I said that. I am hurt because I feel like everything she did on my wedding day was fake. The speech she gave, the smiling, etc. She also passed out cold during the ceremony, which at the time, I was afraid for her and thought it happened because she was confound with overwhelming emotion. Now, I feel like she just wanted attention.
Anyway, I have no idea what I am supposed to do at this point. I avoided her calls for weeks, and finally called her last week and told her I’d still be a bridesmaid and would go to her bachlorette party. I got an email the other day from the new Maid/Matron of Honor announcing her title, bachlorette plans, and details of the bridesmaid dress. I haven’t bought a bridesmaid’s dress yet because I’m still angry, hurt, and seriously contemplating whether I should be in her wedding anymore. I fell obligated because she did so much for mine, but at the same time, I feel betrayed. I spared her feelings when deciding a Maid/Matron of Honor, bc honestly I would have chosen my other best friend, but I did not want to hurt her feelings. However, she obviously doesn’t mind hurting my feelings…
I feel like I would have been an awesome maid-of-honor, and I would not have minded spending the money or all the planning that would have been involved. However, now I feel like it is not my place to voice bachlorette party ideas or give wedding advice to her. I understand why she picked the other girl after she told me that the reason she met her fiance in the first place is because of this girl, and that the girl lives in her city has time for planning… however, I feel that it is extremely rude and tacky that she asked me to step down as Maid/Matron of Honor and be a bridesmaid. It may be a title to some people, but I wanted the experience, and she’s been such a great friend to me all these years, and I wanted to show her my appreciation by making her wedding spectacular… I do not feel like we will be close friends any more after what has happened.
What should I do?? Still be in the bridal party or come only as a guest? Should I stay friends with her after this? How can I get over this and not feel so betrayed? Advice on all levels will be appreciated, thank you.