Post # 1
Hi Im new to this and did not know where else I would be able to get an unbiased opinion.
I was asked to be the maid of honour at my best and oldest friends wedding at the end of October next year. I have since decided that I would like to go on a trip to Europe for about 6 weeks next year as well. I asked her if she minded and she took a week to reply back, in that time I had booked and payed for my trip as I thought her not replying meant she had forgotten or didn’t really mind. I will be back over 4 months before her wedding but she has told me that if I go “so close to her wedding date” I will need to stand down as Maid of honour and maybe even a bridesmaid as me going on a holiday is more important than her big day.
Is this a reasonable reason for being demoted or fired or is she overreacting and should I try and talk her around??
Post # 2
jteeny: Firstly, welcome to the Bee!
I would take some time with her to tell her your plans – you say you’ll be back with plenty of time.
For dresses, surely you could go shopping before you go, then when you get back you can have a the fitting.
It is a shame that you’d miss some of the run up to the wedding, but you’re away for 6 weeks, not 6 months. And you’ll be back 4 months before the big day.
Try and get her excited about your plans, everyone has their own life to live.
Post # 3
jteeny: Warning! Warning! Bridezilla alert!
No, you did nothing wrong. You didn’t even need to ask, though it was considerate of you to do so. She gets no control over your life, so long as you’re there for the wedding and any pre-wedding events. For you (and anyone else except her and her fiance), a 6 week vacation *should* be more important than her wedding.
If she’s not happy with you taking a vacation at that time, I’d consider the demotion a blessing in disguise. Who knows what other bridezilla moves she’ll do.
Post # 4
We have already got bridemaid dresses and I’ve shown her where I’m going and when but I believe she still wants me to either step down or not go
Post # 5
jteeny: Who paid for the dresses? If you did she should reimburse you, but it might be hard to raise that without straining the friendship. You might need to accept the loss on the dress.
Post # 6
I would consider this a bullet dodged. Anyone who wants to dictates their friend’s holiday plans 4 months before the wedding is not going to be a bride who is fun to stand up with. Clearly her expectations are that your life should be put on hold for at least 6 months prior to her wedding, and that is ridiculous. I would graciously let her know that you are sorry but your plans are already booked, and wish her the best for her wedding.
Post # 6
No her mum did but I would give it back and whoever else she picks it should fit them, I would happily be bridesmaid if thats what she wants but my feelings are a bit hurt and I was wondering if I’d broken some unwritten wedding rule lol I don’t know how to bring it up either as she seems to be avoiding me
Post # 8
jteeny: The only unwritten wedding rule being broken here is that bridesmaids are entitled to their own lives/priorities, and the world does not revolve around your wedding. And she is the one doing the breaking.
It might be somewhat understandable if you were returning from your trip on the morning of her wedding, but 4 months away is nowhere even close to this. Plenty of brides on the boards have MOHs and bridemaids who aren’t even in the same city or country for the majority of their wedding planning process and still manage just fine. Your friend is being incredibly unreasonable.
Post # 9
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
She’s being a bridezilla. Four months is a very long time – even if that volcano in Iceland erupts again and stops you flying home as scheduled, you’d still have plenty of time to wait it out. And also, she seems to have forgotten that no-one is as excited about her wedding as she is – to you, your holiday is more important and that’s fine! What does she imagine that you’ll be missing while you’re away? Four months out is a bit early for a bach party or bridal shower.
Post # 10
Definitely not reasonable. In fact, it’s insane. It sounds like you’ve already explained to her the logistics of where/when, and she still feels you shouldn’t be a part of her wedding. That’s her choice. There is absolutely nothing you need to do four months prior to the wedding that can’t be taken care of six months or three months before the wedding instead. Maybe she was just having a bridezilla freakout and will come around, or maybe she’s crazy. Either way, you enjoy your holiday!
Post # 11
jteeny: I would re-evaluate your friendship with this person. This is not how someone treats their oldest and closest friend. I would let her demote or fire you (as it will only look bad on her) and spend my time in Europe making some new and hopefully better friends.
Post # 12
Wow. This is definitely not reasonable. Your trip can’t possibly be throwing off her wedding plans or anything like that. You are in no way doing anything wrong here. It’s really silly that she has reacted so strongly.
Post # 13
I did a double check that you said six week holiday not six months! You aren’t gone that long and back in plenty of time for the wedding and pre-wedding activities. She’s being unreasonable. I don’t have any advice other than trying to talk to her or even one of the other bridesmaids? If you’re good friends you may be able to talk her around. Maybe she was just having a moment. Good luck!!
Post # 15
Maybe you need to ask her what she expects you to help her with during that time you will be on holiday? It might help her rationalise this…
It does seem extreme, going overseas is not a big deal anymore – if she wants your opinion on something, she can always email / facebook you. Perhaps you could reassure her in this respect?