(Closed) Demoted…angry over “my so called best friend” wedding

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

In the grand scheme of things does it matter… really?

If you were ‘only’ a Bridesmaid or Best Man wouldn’t you have done the same things anyway?

I would just save the friendship and let it go! You were honoured by being in the wedding party at all what does that extra title really mean?

Post # 5
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

+1 @FMM:

I was asked to be in my friend’s bridal party about a year ago, but heard through the grapevine that she cut me out completely, after she hadn’t responded to any of my txts, e-mails, etc. While it did bother me for about 2 seconds, what hurt the most was that I heard about it from someone else..

If I were you, I’d just be honoured to be in the Bridal Party, regardless of ‘rank’.

Post # 6
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

@pcrazychick: hmmmmmm this is a hard one. Honestly, I would normally say “brides are crazy” and tell you to just dismiss it but this was pretty sketchy. If she hurt your feelings, you should confront her about it but in a gentle way. I am not a fan of keeping it in and letting things build up. Then you guys can work it out together.

Post # 7
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Have you two broached this topic at all since the wedding? To me, it sounds like you completely acted the part of an honor attendant at her wedding, especially in comparison to the maid of honor, and I’m wondering if your friend recognizes this post-wedding. You said in your post that you hadn’t been doing the duties of an honor attendant, but it sounds like you certainly more than fulfilled your role on the big day. I hope your friend recognizes all that you did for her, even if she hasn’t said that aloud to you. Perhaps personal satisfaction with how you served her on her wedding day can help you rethink some of the hurt you’ve experienced. Just know that you were an excellent matron of honor and did exactly what you should have done for you friend. 

Post # 8
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I can understand where you’re coming from here. You did all the extra work, and the bride decides to make it seem like the other two were more important to her, and she did it at the last minute :(. I think we all have different expectations of the amount of work required for a Bridesmaid or Best Man versus a Maid/Matron of Honor, and you got stuck with all of the work and none of the gratitude.

I’m really sorry this happened. I don’t really have any good advice, but I would try your best to move past it. Weddings get so stressful and brides hurt people when they’re just trying to keep the peace :(.

Post # 9
5 posts
  • Wedding: February 2009

I agree completely, it was indeed very shady. I would definitely confront her about it if you feel strongly enough…the fact that you could say “let the friendship run its course” shows that you no longer feel the bond is strong or will stand the test of time. I think you need to talk, who knows maybe she felt obligated to let you have the Maid/Matron of Honor title just because you gave her that title for your wedding. Maybe you did something that hurt or offended her for your wedding and she is still upset about but didnt have the guts to confront you….there are a lot of maybes and doubts in this situation so if you want to bury the hatchet…or the friendship, you need to talk to your friend.

Post # 10
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think it was that big of a deal. I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my friends wedding a while ago, and the Maid/Matron of Honor (her sister) fell through on a lot of her duties. I didn’t want my friend to miss out on a bunch of those traditional things like being catered to and taken care of on her wedding day, so I stepped up. I never brought it up to her, because it was not important. Did your friend have a great wedding day? Did she enjoy herself? That should be more important to a friend than if you had the right title. I’m sorry that you feel that you were slighted, but the DJ messed up, not your friend. I am sure that she appreciated when you stepped up at the wedding to carry out the duties that a Maid/Matron of Honor is supposed to. I would just let it go.

Post # 12
5 posts
  • Wedding: February 2009

@pcrazychick: I see your point of view and I hope you can get past this…I guess you just wanted some reassurance to know somehow if you were misreading the entire situation. You have every right to feel the way you do. Best wishes …


Post # 13
46611 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Her treatment of you was shabby, but you have to choose whether you want to dwell in that place or move on.

Post # 14
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Let it go, and take comfort in the fact that you were the best friend you could’ve been at the time.  It’s always more comforting to take the high road in the end.  Confronting her won’t do anything but make things worse.  Be the bigger person 🙂

Post # 15
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Aww, I’m sorry you feel like you were taken advantage of. That really sucks, and she does seem shady in the way things played out. I’m just thinking about myself… I really hope my BMs don’t think I’m taking advantage. I have two MOHs but they live far away and will not take part in showers or any real planning. They may help me with my dress and what not. But honesly, I don’t expect anyone to act differently whether they are Bridesmaid or Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor. It just ocurred to me, that maybe my BMs who are planning showers and are more “wedding knowledged” will be mad at me because they are “just” BMs and not recognized as Maid/Matron of Honor. 🙁 I hope they don’t feel this way.

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