(Closed) Demoting the MOH =(

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I think you are being a bit rash. Have you talked with her about what may be going on in her life?

Post # 4
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You are going to throw away a friendship of 17 years for the simple fact that she isn’t as involved in your wedding as you would like?

Please remember that people have their own lives, their own problems, and their own issues.  Perhaps before you decide to “demote” her you should attempt to have an actual conversation about what is going on in HER life.

Post # 6
4693 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Why was she responsible for calling to get a price for your favors? I don’t think I’ll ever understand posts about “demoting” or “firing” members of the bridal party.  You asked them to stand up for you because they’re important people in your lives, you didn’t hire them to plan your wedding….

I wouldn’t ruin a friendship over this.

Post # 8
11422 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I agree with @lovekiss:.  If she is recently married, it’s possible she is going through a lot of unexpected stress from adjusting to married life, or she may have other issues going on with her family or at work. I would try leaving her a caring, non-wedding related voice mail or e-mail if you’re not able to reach her directly.

Post # 10
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

So she can’t be your Maid/Matron of Honor if she is not active in wedding planning? Your Maid/Matron of Honor is supposed to be your person, the one you just couldn’t imagine standing up there without. So either she means that much to you or she doesn’t. Only you can make that decision about the meaning and importance of your relationship with her.

You need to go over to her house and talk to her. Find out what is going on. Maybe she’s having marriage issues? TTC issues? Post-wedding depression? Whatever it is, step up and be her friend first. Worry about your wedding later. And if it comes out that she’s just being b*tchy, then you can figure out your next step. But contemplating a demotion or removal right now when you don’t even know what’s going on is just not right.

Post # 11
237 posts
Helper bee

Maybe just accept she’s not going to be that involved? Have her as your Maid/Matron of Honor cause she’s your best friend (though that’s a pretty odd relationship between friends of 17 years) but don’t expect her to do tons of work. It’s also SEVEN months until your wedding. I wouldn’t expect a lot of involvement from anyone until January. 

Why don’t you two meet up for dinner or a drink and have a girls’ night and then bring up the wedding? Gush about her wedding first, in case she does feel like “the attention is off her” and maybe ask her some advice about married life. Then let her know what you’d like her help on, but get a feel for how much detailed stuff she’s willing to do. Were you very involved in her wedding? 

Personally, if my best friend told me to make calls about wedding favor prices 7 months in advance (not help assemble them three days before, or whatever) I’d be like “I love you, but bitch you have a phone.” Just saying.

Post # 12
2212 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I agree that calling about favors doesn’t seem to be in the usual scope of Maid/Matron of Honor duties.  I was my sister’s Maid/Matron of Honor and she never asked me to do any detailed wedding planning things like that (and we are pretty tight).  I would’ve enlisted the fiance to call about the favors.

In my opinion, the MOH’s duties are to throw a shower (at the least), organize a bachelorette party, and support you on your wedding day.  I think you’re asking for more than is necessary, and it would be a shame to throw away your friendship based on wedding planning.

Post # 13
3152 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I think she is giving a pretty clear message on how she feels about being your Maid/Matron of Honor. Irrespective of her role in your wedding I think she is not being a good friend by ignoring your attempts to reach out. Do you contact her about non wedding things?

personally, I would question this ‘friendship’. I am not so into all the wedding planning but I will listen to my friends go on all day about theirs bc I care about them. You need to evaluate not only her role in your wedding, but also your life. 

Post # 16
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Defensive much?

How do you know that she’s not having issues if you don’t talk to her? Are you psychic? And if this really is par for the course with her, why did you think that she would magically change right in time for your wedding planning? And it still comes back to the main question of how much she means to you. Her level of party planning is really a moot point when you get right down to it. Either she is your person or she’s not. Your choice.

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