Demotivated about the look and feel of our wedding

posted 2 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
2640 posts
Sugar bee

margaerybeerell :  Were you originally on board with this idea and now you are having second thoughts? Or did you just kind of go along with it? 

I think there are ways to incorporate a little nature into the ballroom. Maybe in the centerpeices?  And if your photographer is good, they can pics of you at the park and they will look wonderful! But another idea is to maybe do a “trash the dress” shoot a little later in the nature location of your choosing. 

You could also look into changing your dress if you have not had any alterations done. Or if budget permits, get a separate one for the reception? 

Post # 3
46667 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

margaerybeerell :  You are in control over the feel and look of your reception and you still have plenty of time to make it feel more “you”.

Post # 4
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

If you ask me, the theme sounds pretty baller (pun intended).  My wedding (just last weekend!) had a very similar vibe – in the city, big gothic church ceremony, reception in historic building.  Ages ago I’d imagined a redwood grove wedding, but the fancy city theme was the winner because I like gothic architecture about as much as redwood trees, and the central metropolitan location made the whole thing extremely logistically convenient for planning, setup, and guests.  Ceremony and reception were a short walk apart, hotels were around the corner, abundant transportation options and other points of interest.

So that’s a thing to remember about the city wedding: it’s very convenient.

I agree you could think about getting dressed up again for an outdoor photoshoot – that would be beautiful and get you the nature shots you want.

Post # 5
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - A historic Art Deco and French Renaissance Theatre

Your wedding sounds beautiful! But you have to like it too. Have you tried talking to your fiance about how you feel? It would be worth a shot because he may be under the impression that you love all this! It’s not too late to find a compromise and change things 🙂

Post # 6
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Okay first, I love your username. FH and I have been rewatching GoT in prep for the final season and I was so excited once we got to Margaery’s first appearance. I love her so much. She is the best. 

Anyway, I am not having a super regal wedding, but I can relate a bit! I also grew up in a town full of nature, primarily redwoods and beaches. We are having the wedding in my hometown, but instead of in the redwoods like I hoped for, it’s in a museum downtown. What I wanted just wasn’t doable for our budget, timeline, guest list, and other things that were more important. It sucks and I’ve definitely found myself disappointed that the day will be very different to what I would have dreamed of. I try to focus on making it be “us” in a different way than I originally imagined. 

You still have time, so you might grow to like it more. Assuming it’s too late to change anything, here are a couple ideas: can you have a reception dress? Maybe a nature-themed after party? Obviously I don’t know what your budget is, so forgive me if this is out of reach. 

Have you decided on a honeymoon yet? Perhaps that can be a chance to really appreciate natural beauty instead of going to a big touristy city. 

Post # 8
512 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

I would a loved a wedding set outside in a garden or forest but my dad was in a wheelchair at the time I was looking at venues so I chose the one that was most handicapped accessible. It may not be the look I was going for but it’s what worked the best. I was also thinking of a fall or winter wedding and ended up with the spring time because by the time I got my fiancé to look at venues their just wasn’t enough time. Your not the only one who has second thoughts. We build up this idea of wedding for so long and in the end I think it’s almost impossible to have it live up to those expectations. What about bring the outdoor insides have you explored that option. You could add artificial trees I have seen some neat tree like centerpieces on Pinterest. If your not happy with your dress can you afford a new one or possibly a second one to where during the reception. When is your wedding is stuff set in stone make changes where you can. Maybe where a flower crown during the reception. You could have another photo shoot later with your husband in more nature setting in your wedding dress etc.  

Post # 13
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

margaerybeerell :  I understand you completely. I am also not having the wedding I have dreamed of, but rather the one that is 1) doable 2) affordable and 3) the one my partner needs (he didn’t want a wedding at all, he’s okay with getting married, a romantic elopement just us two is the compromise) I have made compromises at every level in order to move forward and at times it really sucked. In fact, it sucked so much it took us two years to get where we are now (marrying in september) because at times I had lost the joy of getting married because the whole thing felt constricting and limiting and not much fun. 

But at some point I started moving within the constraints of what was doable towards my dream of how I really wanted it to be. I am having an amazing photographer. I have rented another very small romantic space to have getting ready photos on the morning and where I am making a tablescape (which I hope is pinterest worthy lol) for us to come back to later and cut cake and have chamapagne in privacy (both of these things stretches the day out a little and I get a little more time to be a bride) I decided to pick the most beautiful courthouse in the country to get married in to make it even more special. 

Sure I could have said: these are the constraints of a courthouse 1 hour wedding but I totally busted it out and made a dream day out of it. I am so looking forward and now I don’t think I want to change anything at all.

So basically you have mentioned all the things that are set in stone, but yeah, you can still have parts of the wedding integrated into your dreams without it being wierd or abrupt, if done right. You can have the  “Regal Bohemian City Wedding” of your dreams if you push the boundries a little, get ceative, scour pinterest and make this wedding yours. And do not forget that your man needs to compromise a little too. He may really love everything “as is”  and that’s great, but it’s your wedding too. He might have to learn to open things up a little bit and make room for you.  It won’t neccessarily be that flowercrown meadow nature boho wedding you see around but it could be a really cool and fantastic hybrid that feels like both of you.

Good luck!

Post # 14
2180 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I understand how you feel bee, my absolutely dream wedding ceremony and reception probably would have been in the middle of the forest. When it came down to it, that would have been a logistical nightmare on our budget to rent absolutely everything. And if it rained I would have been devastated to be huddled in a backup tent (which presumably would not fit in a forest). I wish we could have had like 5 weddings so I could have every vision fulfilled!

Your wedding sounds beautiful and like a true reflection of what not only you but your fiancé will love. 

ETA: have you done engagement photos yet? You could definitely do those in your home area in a beautiful bohemian dress and flower crown! And the logistics would be way easier than moving your entire wedding 🙂 

Post # 15
1189 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018 - The Venue, Barkisland, UK

We would’ve loved to have gotten married outside; lots of trees with candles, fairy lights and hanging lanterns, with rustic benches etc. British weather meant that wasn’t going to be worth risking.

We booked our venue (a converted mill) when it was dated with plain white walls and not very nice tbh, but a perfect blank canvas to fill with hired artificial trees and pretend we were outside. They renovated, and suddenly we had exposed red brick and dark wooden flooring – it was gorgeous but totally different! It took a little adjustment to our plans but in the end we loved how it turned out even if it wasn’t like we originally envisaged.

We still got our lanterns and candles, and we did a follow up shoot to get some dramatic landscape and woodland shots. Find some things you love about the venue, then find even small ways to include the things that are important to you. The flower tiara sounds lovely, and there’s no reason why your reception dress has to be huge! Do a google search for medieval wedding dresses for example; some of them are OTT but a lot of them are a bit more simple and flowing 🙂

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