Dependant or Independent wife?

posted 1 year ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
2486 posts
Buzzing bee

Why does it have to be one or the other? Can’t you get married and build a life with this man AND continue to build your career toward higher-paying, consistent work?

Post # 3
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

If your relationship is sound and loving, you won’t see it as a dependency.  If you haven’t been seeing him that long and you don’t feel the kind of love for him that would warrant marriage, then don’t marry him.  I don’t think it’s really a question of dependency, it’s a question about the substance of your relationship.  If it feels more like “he’s giving me money to keep me around” or “he’s helping me because it gives him some kind of power that he likes,” then you run tf away right now.

Post # 4
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

Very generous guy.  But keep some emergency money saved away in case the relationship doesn’t work out so you’re not trapped financially.

Post # 5
Member
5566 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

mamotley06 :  

Is he pushing you to quit your job? Or do you want to quit and you want us to convince you to stay working? It sounds like you aren’t thrilled with your current job so I get the sense that you want us to tell you to keep working.

Unless he’s pushing you to quit.

Post # 8
Member
5566 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

mamotley06 :  

Then I don’t understand your question. You want a higher paying job so you won’t be seen as a gold digger according to this update, but your post was about becoming dependent on him. Why would you be dependent on him if you want to find a better job?

Post # 10
Member
1085 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I can’t comment on the relationship itself because I don’t know anything about it. So, assuming this is a committed loving relationship with no red flags:

How long have you been together? If you’ve been together long enough to decide to get married then I don’t see anything wrong with that. If I had the opportunity to marry a man I love at 23, quit working, and have children/manage a household instead I would. If you take on that domestic roll then you will be dependent on each other. One roll is not more important than the other. As long as those are the rolls that you both want. 

You aren’t your parents and aren’t doomed to failure just because they failed at marriage. 

Even if you both work full time you will be vulnerable to your partner. Depending on your jurisdiction your partner could wreck your financial situation by: incurring debt, getting into an accident, getting fired, hiring a real estate agent to buy/sell property, etc. You could be a CEO and you would still be dependent on your partner to make good financial decisions. 

You should pursue whatever life that you want to live. If you want to be a SAHW/SAHM then pursue that. If you want something else then pursue that. Don’t put off pursuing what you DO want in order to fill time doing something else “while you’re too young.” Also find a partner who’s wants are compatible with your own. 

Post # 13
Member
5566 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

mamotley06 :  

If you’re worried to be seen that way, just date while you keep your current lifestyle. You’ve been making ends meet, so continue to do that while you look for a job. You don’t have to let him buy you a house if you are worried that he will see you as only wanting his money.

Continue your life as is while you date him and decline his offer to buy you things like houses and cars etc.

Post # 14
Member
3532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

mamotley06 :  how long have you been together? 

It seems strange to me that you are concerned that a man you are considering marrying may think you’re a gold digger. If you’re at the stage in your relationship where you’re talking marriage, you ought to know each other well enough to have a pretty solid idea of each other’s values and intentions and you should be comfortable talking about your options and where you’d like to see your lives go. If that’s not the case, marriage should not even be on the table. 

Post # 15
Member
9732 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

How long have you been dating that you think he will think you are only after his money? Does he not know you well enough to know that’s not true?

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