Post # 1
Hello military brides!
My fiance just deployed to Afghanistan for six months. He will be back mid March, which is four months before we ge married.
We have been through this once before, but it doesn’t make anything easier.
Any tips on how keep my soldier involved? He is certainly the kind of guy that loves to have an input.
Has anyone else been through this or is currently going through it?
Post # 3
I am currently a military bride, but also in the military. Deployed with my fiance currently. Instead of asking him
” What kind of DJ do you want?” tell him
“I found three DJs 1) will play sax at the ceremony and DJ the reception for 600, 2) will play flute and bring games to the reception for 550 3) this one has a military deal but can’t be at the ceremony but will do the reception for 400. What do you think? ”
Give him options (not too many) this way he still feels like he’s made a decision but doesn’t have to do any of the ground work. Always ask for military discounts! Tons of venues, djs, photographer will offer discounts.
Another cute thing to do go to different venues that you like, at each place hold up a piece of paper that says “I love you or Miss you” with the venue in the background. I am sure he would love to see a picture of you and will be more willing to look at the venues then! I hope this helps if you need anything else dont hesitate to ask…..i sit around 20 male Marines everyday….i am sure they would be more then willing to chim in there opinion!
Post # 4
@applebee2012:Letters letters letters. My husband wrote about our honeymoon plans, and I wrote him about venues, dresses, music–anything to give him something to keep his mind off the war for those few moments he was ready. And… I ALWAYS sent a few photos with every single letter. Most of me, and one of wedding planning stuff.
You can do it!
Post # 5
@mah434s: Love your response! I’m going into the service but getting married before I leave! And My fiance is totally not helpful at all I’m totally only giving him 2 choices on everything.
Post # 6
my fi & i share websites & lots of information. he is too busy to do much planning, & there are times i dont hear from him (those are the worst).
we are both on another wedding site that also hosts our wedding website http://www.jbandny.ourwedding.com. we also do the registry together. i love seeing the things he has picked out for our home. i share links to every aspect of our wedding except for my dress (thats why i cant post pics).
there are many ways to stay in contact. we use oovoo. i sent boxes to him filled with heathy snacks & scented letters. we email each other, send video messages. we have date night, where i dress up just for him & we eat together on the video app.
its up to both of us to get through a deployment. he is very willing to do what it takes to be present & supportive in this whole joyous process of planning our big day. i always make sure to update him & ask his opinion. i also ask him about his day & how he is doing. we maintain a very good dialogue.
i never hesitate to tell him that i love him & that im proud of him. he showers me with compliment every chance he gets. these are the things that work best for us…
Post # 7
@mah434s Wonderful answer. My fiance is So Picky. Very Traditional and I am Whimsical and Simple. So Options would be nice. 🙂
Post # 8
My Hubby has been deployed since April 2011. In May 2011, he informed me that we are going to have the wedding we were waiting on for so long…no more excuses putting it off. He instigated it all. 🙂
Granted he doesn’t have much time at work…but he loves contributing. I do almost all the leg-work. I am a pro at finding information. I conduct my research and pass my findings on to him to contribute to the final decision. We stay in touch via phone, video, and email. He loves participating and contributes where he can. I don’t expect him to do the research…that’s my avenue… but I give him the results so that he has a part to play in how our wedding will go. I also understand when it might take awhile for him to look at the information and get back to me.
So far our date has been sent…we notified people way ahead of invites since they would have to have time to save up money to fly out (for them it is a destination wedding)…and I have put the deposit down on our wedding & reception venues (including minister, chairs, arch, cake, champagne, photography, video, bouquet, musician).
Now just have to pick my dress (not as easy as I thought it should be *lol*…[email protected] much can really be involved in picking a dress)…and deal with the other details which shouldn’t be as complicated (at least I hope *lol* considering I have no previous experience).
Post # 9
These are all such great options! I let him plan the honeymoon to give him some control and also to feel like he’s helping. Not being here during the holidays or to help with wedding stuff, even house stuff, stresses him out. Deployment is halfway over in a couple of weeks, then he will be home in March.
Thanks for the responses everyone!
Post # 10
Fiance is on a fast attack submarine so he deploys often, but it is completely different then an Afganistan deployment.
To keep him involved, I tell him things. We owe Florist A this much money. I like Venue A, but my parents prefer Venue B which one do you like, is what I do. Give him small projects that really won’t matter if he doesn’t get them done or not so he feels like he had a part of things.
Just keep your head up. Deployment is tough, but you’re tougher. 🙂