Post # 1
Our wedding is in 19 days. Last August, when we got engaged after months of “waiting”, I thought 19 days out I would be elated. So excited, so ready. I am the furthest thing from that. I had severe stomach pains last night from stress, and cry all the time. Fiance and I are constantly fighting about wedding related things that quickly devolve into bigger fights. Everything seems so overwhelming and trivial all at once. Sometimes I can’t believe how much money and time we’ve spent on something that will last just a few hours. I’ve had a few awkward situations with his family, and I anticipate more when his mom and sisters drive 7 hours this weekend for my shower, which is going to be a bust – probably 12 guests including my mom, myself and the three of them.
Basically, I am not happy or excited. And I hate it. How did this go from being the happiest thing in my life, the center of everything, to the thing is ruining everything? Am I crazy or is this normal?
Post # 3
It sounds like you really are stressing yourself out. I think you need to take a break from planning for a bit and go out with your Fiance. Do something fun and don’t talk about wedding plans. You need to nurture your relationship first.
Post # 4
That is not normal. If your relationship is that stressful that it is even affecting your health, then something is seriously wrong. Take a step back, and postpone the wedding if you have to, until you are able to straighten things out between yourselves and get your health back in order.
Post # 5
Pretty normal, as depressing as that sounds 🙂 The Conscious Bride has some good words on why it happens, there’s a website too if you can’t find the book. Try to look after yourself and your FH, if that means taking a day or two without ANY wedding talk then do that. Highly recommended! Also, the usual stress relievers like exercising, seeing your friends, karaoke, having some naked fun, etc 🙂 You *do* have time, because you can’t afford not to! All the best.
Post # 6
I think its normal in that you’re not crazy and a lot of brides-to-be have similar feelings. But, I think it means that you might be doing too much. I’d take a step back, ask for help/support. Your friends and family may just be waiting for the word. My Fiance and I have had a few really dumb fights about wedding related stuff (in fact, our seating chart is crumpled on the floor right now, grrrr), the only advice I can give is to give each other space when you see a huge fight coming before it escalates (which is why I’m here on weddingbee and he’s in the living room playing video games).
Post # 7
Our engagement was the most stressful time in our lives. Whenever money is involved for something like this, guilt, worries all come to mind. It can be a really hard time for couples who individually don’t deal as well with stress. Hubby and I are not good under stress individually so it was a real trial for us.
Something that helped us appreciate each other more was reading books about marriage and preparing ourselves to be better partners to each other. My fave was the love languages one! By focusing on how to better your relationship, you can help avoid conflicts.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!
i’m so freaking stressed out right now as well. i’m pissy and tired of being everybody’s errand-girl. (hello, i’m the bride, aren’t people supposed to be doing things for ME?! ugh.)
i feel you. we’re almost there. hopefully no nuthouse por moi.
Post # 9
this is the most stressful time in your relationship. It is normal for most. Take a deep breath, both of you. Relax because it is not worth to fight about wedding stuff. Fights with family over wedding will leave a bad taste that you do not want after the wedding. Think about how close it is already and that it finally will be over. The only reason there is a wedding is because both of you love each other and you want to be with each other so just make sure that is your priority over everything else. Good luck.
Post # 10
I agree with Izzy… this is the most stressful time in your relationship without a doubt. You two need to take a weekend to yourself (even though there isn’t much time left) and just relax. It sounds like you are just freaking out which to a certain degree is normal but not to where you are fighting all the time…. thats no good.
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club
Sounds normal to me.
To me, being engaged is a life transition, and like any major transition (graduation from college, moving, grief, new relationship, parenthood) has its own highs and lows. Fighting all the time, especially if you’re fighting about a bunch of different things, is probably your own way of exploring the dynamics of the relationship now that it’s about to become more permanent.
I highly recommend Emotionally Engaged, which is a great book you can download and read right now if you want. That book really helps sort out whether you’re having an “engagement freak-out” or if there is some other issue. She also does a great job discussing family dynamics prior to a wedding.
Also The Conscious Bride; she’s a little touchy-feely at times, but it’s a good book.
Post # 12
Don’t feel alone! Unfortunately I think it’s somewhat normal (especially if you are prone to stress) to become completely unhinged at least once during this time! I’m totally ashamed of how I behaved just last week. Fiance quickly forgave me for being completely insane, but I am still feeling crazy guilt over my blowup. I honestly can’t even remember what triggered it.
Post # 13
Oyster is right, I also read Emotionally Engaged and found it to be a wonderful book. I think everyone experiences the stress of the wedding differently, and I think you are totally normal. My SIL was so stressed out, she got ulcers the week of the wedding! Try to do something, anything, to help you and your Fiance relax and get through these last few days.
Post # 14
Oh this is so normal! Lots of deep breaths! I felt the exact same way 3 weeks before my wedding. I was incredibly stressed out and felt like I was snapping at my then Fiance over nothing. The one thing that brought me back was getting a very thoughtful gift from one of my work vendors. They sent me a picture frame that was personalized with our names as Mr. & Mrs. It was one of the first times that I had seen it written out, and I just started crying. It’s what the day is really about.
So, try to do one thing at a time until the wedding is here. Enjoy your shower even though there aren’t many people who are going to be there. Grin and bear his family, and soon enough, you’ll be married and (hopefully) on your honemoon!
Post # 15
My sister and her husband were exactly the same way in the weeks leading up to their wedding. Ugh… I was lucky enough to be the target of her frustration sometimes. 🙁 But anyway, after the wedding everything went back to normal, and they’ve been happily married for about 7 years now. I think it’s totally normal. Maybe that’s why we have honeymoons! 😉
Post # 16
I think it is normal. This is a very stressful time! I think the best thing to do would be to take a step back, breath and do something NOT wedding related with your Fiance to get back to “you”. I think everything will be ok. I know that sometimes when Fiance talk wedding we fight about it, then it moves to other things. I really don’t think you are alone and I believe that once the day comes, everything will be ok and you will be happy! Just hang in there and take some time for the 2 of you.