(Closed) Depressed & fighting all the time w/ three weeks to go

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

I was miserable the last month before our wedding. I was totally stressed out, exhausted, not sleeping well….but my wedding day was amazing!! Just try to relax as best as you can, sleep as much as you can and keep your eye on the prize. You’ll get thru these last few weeks and your wedding will be here before you know it. The last few weeks flew by for me!

Hang in there! 🙂

Post # 19
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m right there with you, lady.  I’m 11 days out, and I should be happy, but I’m miserable.  We invited 200 people, expected 150, and will be lucky to clear 120.  I throw a “no one wants to come to my wedding” pity party every day.  I feel like people (including my FI) never stop asking me questions and giving me more tasks to do.  I feel like I waited and planned throughout a 2.5 year engagement and now I’m practically begging people to show up. 

I’m exhausted and overwhelmed and generally very crabby.  So no, you are not crazy or alone in this.

Post # 20
Member
1479 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Daniellemybelle, are we sharing a life right now?  I feel exactly the same way you do, and my Fiance is totally over the wedding and just wants it to be done with.  I have one more bridal shower this weekend, and I’m so over it that I don’t even want to go. 

I’m trying to deal with it by just making sure that Fiance and I have plenty of non-wedding related convos, like, last night we went on a little picnic and I didn’t say one word about the wedding (ahhh.. so nice!).  It’s harder since your Fiance is long distance, but REALLY just carve out some time with him once he’s back, go on a Date Night, relax, and just enjoy one another. 

For the record, I think how you feel is totally normal 🙂

 

Post # 21
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

Hugs to you.  I think wedding planning is so stressful because we all have so many expectations (family to be supportive, Fiance to be wonderful, bridesmaids to be involved, wedding showers to be perfect, etc, etc) and we always end up a little bit dissapointed.  Not to mention the stress of trying to do one million tasks in a short period of time.  I’m 39 days out and had a mini freak out on Sunday about how many things we need to do and how we are running out of time.  Just think – you’ll be a mrs soon and the wedding stress will go away. 

Post # 22
Member
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

It’s totally normal to have less patience and to get into fights more easily with those around you when you’re stressed out, whether it’s from planning a wedding, moving cross-country, or changing jobs, or any other major life event. 

Ride it out, you’ll be just fine 🙂 Recently my husband and I moved to another state and oh my god, we almost killed each other. But now that we’re all settled, everything is back to normal.

Post # 23
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee

So sorry you’re feeling badly.  Those last few weeks before the wedding were really hard.  I’ve heard from a lot of people and also my husband some feelings of wedding resentment as the wedding approaches and they see their stressed out woman and the focus not being on the relationship but this huge overwhelming party.  After I had a little outburst, we had a talk and I reiterated why we were doing this and all the thing I was excited about and how great a time he was going to have with all his friends coming into town and just tried to get him EXCITED again. 

Someone had also given him the advice that his opinion was my opinion, which for us was terrible advice so I kinda had to let him know to please share his opinion as long as it wasn’t ‘why are we even doing this’ because it was too late now to elope and all it would do is make me angry. 

So I tried to stay as positive as I could with him about wedding stuff and not act too frustrated, and found a venting outlet other than him.  We usually are completely open and honest with each other, but the last few weeks before the wedding we needed time to not talk about the wedding (even though that was the main thing on my mind) and focus on each other and all the exciting aspects even as there were 10000 stressful things still left hanging, but that’s part of why you have bridesmaids or parents or friends. 

Post # 24
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m 11 days out too – OUTA MY MIND!!! I just wanna say, at the risk of sounding snarky and being bumped to another ‘chat room’ that the one or two people who have responded to you by claiming your stress and depression-type feelings are NOT NORMAL are the ones in denial.  My personal but humble opinion.  It was so refreshing to read this post.  I am so sick of reading all these sunny posts about bees dying to become the little Mrs. and loving to pieces the weeks, days leading up to the Big D.  Heck, me too, but I can be in touch enough with what I’m feeling, with what WE’RE feeling to know a coupla’ things.  1) I’m about one detail away from insanity, and 2) I’ve been thinking lately I’m crazy to be getting married, or perhaps, crazy to be getting married to this man I love! These are BRIDAL JITTERS.  And this stems from deeply rooted stuff to do with separation issues, which every human being has — no matter how sunny you seem.  You know, to look at me, I look remarkably composed, flawless skin, clear-eyes, bouncy demeanor, working insane hours, good-natured — you’d never know I was losing it at home every five minutes or on the verge of shouting or crying ’bout every 20! I love some of the suggestions — about simply tabling the wedding ‘talk’ stuff a bit with the Fiance and just sitting back and enjoying something else for a little bit.  This is overwhelming… it’s coming up fast.  I’ve planned all — with NO help — and I have to let it go at some point and leave it to fate and everybody else who will be on hand to implement it all… and just hope it works! Meantime, I’m a wreck!!!

Post # 25
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I kind of went through some of this myself. My only bridesmaid was being a bitch. I had a dress i wanted her to try on weeks in advace of the wedding and she ALWAYS had something going on and “couldn’t” try it on.

Finally, one day I just got mad and told her she was out, (after a week of not talking to her.) I still let her come to the wedding (although she didn’t show) I couldn’t have her as a bridesmaid. She didn’t have the money to buy the dress, but my husband and I offered to pay for it! She STILL wouldn’t try it on……I said forget it…. That made me so mad. I think that was the only thing that REALLY ticked me off during the planning…

Post # 26
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am not a therapist but speaking form experience there is another elephant in the room that you all need to conquer. General crakiness, irritable, and irrationalism may happen as a result of financial issues ect. But you said it yourself the arguments normally lead to “bigger issues” which I will assume are topics outside of wedding planning! So that leads me to believe that you all may be sweeping something under the rug to deal with after the wedding, when the reality is you need to deal with it now.

Sit down and really think about what is bothering you, find a way to approach him that will not make him become defensive or shut down. This is imperative because there will be bigger and more complex issues you all will have to deal with when you are married and you need to develop a system that allows you both to put down your battles axes and fight fair giving each a chance to calmly express concern dismay ect!

At the end of the day remember that this should be the person that you can say anythng to he is your life partner!

My prayers are with you!

Post # 27
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Good advice TheMrs2010.  I’m preparing for my second (and final) marriage. This time around I am totally focusing on us as life partners and how that will be best achieved, not as much on that one day.   When a disagreement comes up, or an issue that I see as a potential in our future – I look at it totally different this time around.  Don’t kid yourself into thinking “I’ll deal with this after the wedding.”  The wedding does not make everything better. 

Post # 28
Member
246 posts
Helper bee

I highly recommend going on a date with your Fiance ASAP!!!  My husband and I had lots of stressful moments leading up to the wedding.  In the last few months, I instituted a “no business” date night every now and then.  It was a chance for us to go out and simply enjoy each other.  (Like we did all the time when we were dating!)  For us “no business” meant nothing of a business/decision making nature – no wedding planning, no talk of combining bank accounts, getting a “family share” cellphone plan, etc., etc.  The only thing on our agenda was fun and connecting.  Those no business dates were lifesavers for our relationship during that phase!  I know what you’re probably thinking, I’m too busy with wedding planning to take a time out from everything.  But, trust me (I’ve been there!), do it and I’m guessing you’ll be glad you did.  HAVE FUN THIS WEEKEND! Laughing

 

EDIT: I just read the OP’s comment that her Fiance is long-distance.  However, to the rest of you stressed out ladies, go out on a date with your Fiance this weekend!  Just enjoy him. 

Post # 30
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I wish you lots of luck and happiness! Hang in there…it’s almost over. I know exactly what you are going through and all I can say is try to take some deep breaths and not enjoy the experience.  I was miserable in the weeks leading up to the wedding. The anxiety of making everyone happy just completley overwhelmed me…and lots of awkward moments with the in-laws did not help. The few days before the wedding I snapped at anyone and everyone…I think I finally calmed down while eating dinner after the ceremony!!  Weddings definitely take on a life of their own. Hang in there!!

Post # 31
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ugh, my Fiance are going through the same thing, and we are 3 weeks from our wedding too Frown

I hope it’s gotten better for you, and hope it gets better for me/us too!!!

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