Post # 1
Regular bee going anonymous.
I have had a rough week. A little background: I moved cross country a couple years ago. I go home every so often but haven’t been able to visit for a while and am just feeling very sad/isolated. I live with my boyfriend who I love, but we both work a lot and have to share a car so we bicker a lot. I work upwards of 70 hours a week, because I have a lot of debt to pay off. As childish as it sounds, it is so sad and hard for me to see my friends from back home move on with their lives without me. Granted, it was my choice to leave. I have tried going to meetups to meet new people in my area, but it never really leads to any friendship. I have always had a hard time making friends for some reason. I am definitely a likable person, but for some reason it is hard for me to get close to people. I am approaching 30 soon and am just looking back at my 20s: constant partying, college drop-out, debt, bad relationships etc. I never nurtured friendships because I was always so wrapped up in some loser boyfriend, I never worked hard for anything which led to so much debt and I dealt with alcoholism. I am sober now, was going to AA, was going to therapy…but at this point it just seems like all for nothing. Life was really good and then now I just feel really out of steam. My relationship is good, but I think I am just tired and need a break from life. It’s hard because I don’t have any friends at all here, like not one. When I got sober, my friends from back home really stopped talking to me. They are still knee-deep in the party life and I had to separate myself from that. I tried to meet people in AA but everyone was so much older, so I didn’t even want to bother. It is just so hard to look back at all the possibilties I had in the beginning and how I screwed so much up. It all started with my first boyfriend in college. He was like me: partier, came from a broken-home, self-destructive…and he dumped me (shocker) and I am telling you it sent my life in a downward spiral completely. I was in my earlier 20s then and that led to everything: dropping out of college, black-out drinking regularly. Just insane, I cannot believe I was so weak. Other people I’ve known since college are succesful, happy, making a lot of money….and I am not. But I deserve it, because I did not work hard and they did. I have nobody at all to blame but myself. I just needed to vent 🙁
Post # 2
The Bee is always here for you to vent. First, go back to therapy.
Can you cut back just a bit on your work hours, say down to 60 hours? I know you have debt–keep working on the debt but maybe just a bit more slowly for a while. Some of your current feelings could be due to plain old burnout. Life is a marathon and not a sprint.
If your friends back home are still knee-deep in the party life they haven’t progressed as much as you think they have and if they couldn’t find a way to keep in touch even though you’ve stopped drinking not the best people/friends.
Congratulations on maintaining your sobriety!! That is an accomplishment. Go back to AA without seeing age and just pay attention to whether or not you click with someone. Some of my closest friends are 20-30 years older than I am.
Do you enjoy animals? Have you ever considered volunteering at a shelter or the Humane Society? Playing with animals really is good for you and you may meet other animal lovers. Other options could be volunteering at your local farmer’s market, etc. Something more than just work and home. And exercise is a natural anti-depressant.
You sound as if you are a very directed and together woman, working hard to pay off debt and making responsible choices. Don’t assume everyone else has a better life–most people are dealing with more than you know behind closed doors. Comparison is the thief of joy. Focus on you and instead of dwelling on past mistakes (that many, many people have made) celebrate how well you have turned things around. Hugs.
Post # 3
It seems to me that you are trying your best here. Everyone makes mistakes-everyone. You seem to have a lot of self-awareness about them and that’s the key to fixing them. Take a break, take a day to relax….you are feeling burned out. Get back int AA and back into therapy. You are doing great, but anyone would run out of steam working that schedule. Hugs.
Post # 4
Sometimes life is just HARD. Making friends as an adult is seriously hard.. I would say that I’m “successful” in traditional senses, but I have zero friends. I’ve tried like you, but everyone else is either at a different stage (i.e kids) or is still in the partying scene. Just remember not everyone else’s life is as rosy as it might seem… but at the same time I’m a huge propoent of sometimes things just suck. Don’t guilt your self into needing to “feel better”. Acknowledge the suck, but acknowledge the fact that it will get better.
Hang in there!! I agree with everything @sweetiemermaid said, you seem very self-aware of how you go to where you are and your schedule would burn anyone out! Give small changes a chance! Join a gym, a book club, volunteer at Big broths/Big sisters, volunteer at a rescue/humane society. Do something for yourself that makes you happy, without the pressure/expectation of making friends.