(Closed) Depressed and just wanting to cry right now

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 32
1434 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve been in my position for 2.5 years, and when I finally got a raise (recently), it was tiny. Actually, my boss didn’t know how much she paid me and tried to give me a “raise” for less than I already made. But that’s a different story. You could request an annual review and present all of the reasons you deserve a raise– and pray that your boss brings up the actual numbers game. I would do both– look for a new job and talk to your boss.

On housing… I live in a crazy expensive area, so we’re moving in two years when we plan to start our family. This area just isn’t conducive to the lifestyle we want with a baby. We’ve already looked at houses and have an idea that we want new construction in central Florida. We made the goal, and we’ll start working toward it January 1. We figure it’ll take two years to get 20% (unless we get awesome bonuses, then it’ll just be one year).

We sat down and made a house saving budget. It’s a lot tighter than we are right now, but that’s because this has been our year of fun. Try doing that. As a couple, you have to know that you can reach any goal you set.

Post # 33
583 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - W Hotel Silicon Valley

@Legallyblondiebride:  If I were you, I would definitely ask for a raise! I wouldn’t mention that you are struggling though. Point out your strengths, make a task list of everything in your scope of work now, as opposed to when you first started working there. Show your boss you’re worth more! 

Post # 34
7529 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@moniquaa:  +1.  That’s the perfect way to go about asking for a raise.

Post # 35
1074 posts
Bumble bee

@Legallyblondiebride:  The beauty of being a qualified candidate who has experience and who is currently employed is that you can afford to be picky. At any potential new employer they’ll have a benefits package that you can review before you agree to come on board. If they have conditions like you have to be employed for a set amount of time before you’re covered by health insurance, then make sure that they are terms that you can live with. For most places it’s anywhere from one month to six months.

Usually for FMLA you have to work their for a year before qualifying. So you’d need to wait three months after starting to conceive if you planned to use that after you give birth.

You also have negotiating power. They offer you three weeks paid leave? Ask for four. Again, the worst they can do is say no and since you’re not desperate for work, maybe you pass on that one. Just look around and keep an open mind. If you get an offer, look into the benefits and see what you can find out about the place through google. Usually if a place has great or terrible benefits or policies, it’ll show up online.

Post # 36
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Legallyblondiebride:  OK, I have to begin with this: If you and your spouse are healthy, love each other and make enough money to keep a roof over your heads and food on the table you are already ahead of many people. I know it’s easy to overlook those basics when you have goals that seem unreachable, but there are many people who just got married and their spouses or they are struggling with huge health problems. My parents got married in 1948 and my father was terribly ill for several years – in a body cast!!- and they had to live with my grandparents until he could work and they could move on with their married lives.

Depending on where you live, you may be able to buy a house with very little money down. I own a real estate business and know it can be done if you have good credit. There are all kinds of programs that offer down payment assistance, some even for households earning $60,000. You can also ask the seller to give down payment assistance or help with closing costs. If you haven’t already, make sure to speak with a good mortgage person for advice.It makes a ton of sense to try to buy now while interest rates are insanely low.

It’s true, you are still young so don’t get bogged down in worrying about having babies right now. I’m 53 and had my children at 31 and 37 and never had a regret about my age.

I agree you need to ask for a raise, and be able to show why you deserve one by carefully presenting work you’ve done well. Hang in there! It’s normal to get frustrated but you’ll get where you want to be.



Post # 37
2314 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Sunfire:  Yes, but if someone comes to you asking for a raise because they want to start a family you would find a way to give them more leadership opportunities to help their year end eval, right? Which in turn may lead to an increase. Same thing, PP is just saying it without being wordy. (I hope)

I would never give someone a raise because they procreated. That would be discriminatory to those who aren’t and us boss ladies would get in deep doo doo for that. Plus I didn’t get one, so no fair! 😛

@ JaneDomani, I can see special treatment happen for lay offs but not for raises. At least not in my 15 year career. 

OP, can you downgrade that car?

Post # 38
5243 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Legallyblondiebride:  Aw, hun.  I’m so sorry to hear that things have you down right now.  I know how frustrating it is to work so hard, but never feel like you’re getting ahead.  I sincerely hope that things start looking up for the both of you.  (hugs)

Post # 39
2314 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@lorie:  Great post. 🙂

Post # 40
2804 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Look for a new job, put that resume together etc BUT if you really don’t want to leave your current job, use any job offers you get from looking and sending out your resume as leverage to ask for a raise.

Say that you have been offered a job for this amount but don’t really want to leave, what can you do for me bossman/woman? 

Of course be prepared to go to this new job if they won’t do anything to keep you. 

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