(Closed) Depressed and lonely :(

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I’m sorry to hear how you are feeling.

It sounds to me like you are a very intellectual young lady, and sometime that comes with a cost. There are those that can survive on love, hearts and chubby little cupids and be 100% satisfied with their lives. These are woman that thrive being the wifey-poo and as long as their DH is content, so are they. 

I don’t say this to put-down this train of thought. However, I can tell you that there are also those who want, and frankly need, more! I know this because I am one of those people.

I love my Fiance to death. It took me 31 years to find someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and yes, I would likely move anywhere to be with him. That being said he is not the be all and end all of my existence *gasp*!

When I was laid off last year, I was miserable even when he was home. Why? I didn’t have a “purpose” other then cooking, cleaning, waiting for him to come home. Most important, I wasn’t being challenged. When I was hired at my current employer the feeling of purpose returned and there isn’t a day when I’m not using my mind to solve the day-to-day problems that arise. It’s a glorious feeling and I go home every night excited to spend time with my Fiance.

I suspect you are having an even harder time then I did. Not only do you lack the mental stimulation that comes with a job that challenges, I get the sense that you feel you’ve lost your sense of identity. That’s a scary and depressing moment in itself but in your situation it’s to be expected…

You are living with your Fiance family, and while it’s wonderful they have accepted you in to their house, it’s not the same as having your own space. There’s always a sense of being a guest. You don’t ever get to relish in the wonderful fact that you’re “home” because it’s their house, their space and their persona. They’re kinda family, but they’re not YOUR family and though thinking like that makes you feel guilty you can’t help but wish they were YOUR family. Hence why you find yourself missing your mom & dad in ways you didn’t think were possible. 

I feel for you! Things WILL get better and there is a light somewhere down that tunnel. Try to find little things that remind you of who you are and keep you grounded. I took up knitting because it reminded me of my mom, for instance. 

Lots of love and one big HUG! You’ll get through this! 

Post # 4
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Database connection = double post

Post # 6
18 posts
  • Wedding: July 2013

I know exacly how you feel the only difference is that I have two daughters that keep me busy most of the time.Still i get depressed and feel lonely. I also moved away from all my family and sometimes i feel  like they don’t think of me since I’m the one always calling them. I moved 3 years ago and I haven’t managed to make any friends I wonder why all the time. My FH always tells me that I have him and he is always there for me but it’s not the same as having that girl talks. What i like to do when i find myself in this hole is to read something positive, watch someting fun on tv, and hiking helps me release all the negative feelings. Hang in there and yes there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Laughing

Post # 7
4042 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I sympathize alot with what you are feeling. I also moved away from home, to be with FH and he found a job he loves here. So we aren’t moving back anytime soon but I miss home terribly.

One thing I found is that it helps to have your own space. Why do you have to live with teh inlaws, can you possibly move out to a small place? This would help with privacy and as a previous PP said, would give you a space of your own to call home.

Can you establish friendships with FI’s siblings outside of his relationship? Can you call up his sister or his brother’s girl and go for a girls night out (doesn’t have to be expensive, you can go to a bookstore and get coffee, see a matinee of the lastest chick flick)? That way your social life doesn’t completely revolve around Fiance and you can establish a stronger bond with his sibs.

Can you get out of the house yourself? Its good to be independent sometimes, try something new, and don’t feel trapped at home. You didn’t mention if you have your own car or transportaion. You may not have your own funds, but you can at least go to the library or bookstore (read the magazimes for free!) Go for a walk/jog and listen to podcasts or music.

As far as your mom goes, perhaps saet a time to chat with her each day (yes, really). If she has a commute home from work, perhaps she can call you then and just chat for a few minutes, to help you feel more connected. I find daily messages on facebook to help me feel closer to far off family and friends too.

Post # 8
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@tirralirra:  Yeah, it sounds like you feel isolated with Fiance and his fam there but you miss yours much.  Life is looking different than imagined a few years back maybe.  It is very good you came here, anywhere, to vent/write/release.  Hope this step helped.

If you’ve been home all day, and he’s tired after work, can you take a small walk outside by yourself then, or during the day?  Can you pick up part-time work nearby or at your school, a GA postion?  

Life is overwhelming, and you’re human and we all ‘can’t take it anymore at times’ but, talk with Fiance, or join a discussion group at school, or rent a room off-campus with other grad students, but don’t get to the point of crying/apathy/full on depression.  Find out at your college if you can talk with someone at the counseling office as another form of support.

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