Post # 1
Long time poster and going Anon for this. I’ve been fighting it for a long time, but I need to finally say it. I’m depressed. Again. Maybe it never really left? I’m trying to plan the happiest day of my life and I can’t seem to get myself genuinely excited.
My Fiance and I bought our house in January and even he has said I haven’t been the same since. I feel anxious ALL THE TIME. I feel stressed ALL THE TIME. I worry about where we are financially (he just got a new job). And I wonder what bad thing is going to happen next. It’s just been one thing after another since we moved in. Our Insurance got messed up and we now have to pay almost $1,000 we didn’t expect. We had an appliance break, discovered the sellers hid a few things and are trying to pursue them legally, AND got a puppy. I feel like there’s so much going on and it’s hard to handle when working full time (and a lot of overtime).
Lately all I’ve wanted to do is sleep since I don’t anymore (too stressed). And I cry on my way home every day. I just keep waiting for it all to end but I know it isn’t. If we didn’t already put down payments on our venue and other vendors I wouldn’t be planning the wedding. It’s too much. But we’ve been engaged for almost a year and people were getting impatient so I started officially planning. And then EVERYTHING blew up.
How do you bees get through depression while planning your wedding?? Do you just put on your happy face in hopes it gets better? Thank you for letting me vent!
Post # 2
When is your wedding? Can you keep the same vendors and venue, but postpone your wedding without losing any money? I’m anxious and tend to have problems sleeping when I’m stressed, so I totally feel you. I had some crazy shit going on with my job earlier this year, and in combination with the wedding it’s been a lot of stress, very little sleep, and mucho meltdowns as a result. If I could have postponed my wedding, I would have, but it was too late (4-5 months out at the time the stuff with my job started). If you’re far enough out, take one thing off of your plate for now and concentrate on dealing with your house problems and training your puppy.
Post # 3
unfortunately they don’t allow us to change the date…so I have to keep on track. I checked in to that last weekend.
Glad to know I’m not the only one having a crazy time planning a wedding!
Post # 4
Do something that makes you happy. It could be going out with friends, a spa day, take the puppy for a walk, anything.
I am in a grumpy mood today and I need to get out of this funk. I am trying to motivate myself to workout since afterwards I always feel good.
Hope you feel more like yourself soon.
Post # 5
I agree with pp that as hard as it may feel, you should try to practice self care—do something that makes you happy and try to do it often. It sounds like you are also feeling really anxious about all of the changes going on in your life which is understandable since there are a lot! I’m a super anxious person and find that my thoughts can easily overwhelm me if I don’t check myself–as in, allow myself to have the moment and then stop thinking so much about it. I find that I do better when I’m more social (going out a few nights a week rather than staying home and worrying). It might also help to talk to your fiance about how overwhelmed you’re feeling and see if you can share wedding duties with him (if you aren’t already). Hope this helps!
Post # 6
Bee, i’m so sorry to hear you are feeling so down. I stress so much about everything happening around me and I can seriously relate, we recently bought a house and got a dog too and the first 6 months after buying the house I felt like I was suffocating!! There is just so much to worry about all the time, constantly.
I don’t know how to help with your stress about your wedding planning, but the best thing I did when I was down quite a lot was first of all to speak to somebody! Also reach out to your friends, I’m sure people would be willing to help you out.
Take time for yourself!
Post # 7
Maybe I missed it, but are you on any medications for your depression?. It sounds like it’s a chronic problem and not something that just started recently. If you are, you may need to get on something else. If you aren’t, you definitely need to see a doctor and get on something very soon. Coming from someone who has battles chronic depression for over 15 years, I know how hard regular life can be. Much less trying to plan a wedding, a fiance with a new job, a new puppy, etc. It’s not a great time, but you really need to focus on you. Please take care of yourself. Everyone in your life would want you to put this before your wedding. Hugs
Post # 8
I just wanted to add that it doesn’t matter how happy your life should seem to everyone else or even to yourself . Depression doesn’t care. It can hit you up anytime. Please don’t just sweep this away. Crying every day is not normal. As I said before, please take care of yourself
Post # 9
I have depression and am struggling to get by with the wedding planning too. I’m so happy that you get to share your story because I believe sharing these kind of stories can bring some awareness that depression is real and it can be aggravated during stressful times like wedding planning.
I do find that wedding coordinators or wedding planners can help ease the stress but since you guys just have bought a house, you guys sound like you’re on a budget (like me) hehe. I saw that you said “people were getting impatient” and with depression, people’s judgments and opinions tend to magnify especially during stressful situations.
I’d say try your best in not being pushed to getting married so soon or having a ceremony so soon. If you’re depressed, anxious, doing it just to please people I’d assure you that you’ll regret it because you’re not living by your rules.
Others are right, take a break, do somethings that will make you happy for a while and come back to plan. Sometimes you just need a break. Good luck!!
Post # 10
Yup! We got engaged, moved states, he got a new job and my dog was in accident (she’s ok now) all within like 2 months. I’m just starting to feel better now.., 3 months later.
Post # 11
If you are depressed while planning a wedding, see the red flag. Cancel the wedding. This is much less painful than filing for a divorce 6 months later.
Post # 12
I disagree, I don’t think stress or depression surrounding plannign the wedding have anything to do with the choice of partner, but rather with anon’s circumstances. Weddings are *expensive* and wedding planning is *stressful*. Houses are *expensive*. Lawsuits are incredibly stressful. Having things break is expensive and stressful. It can all feel so overwhelming!!! I think you need to take a break from actively planning — can you take a weekend off from the house, the planning, take the dog and the Fiance and go for a hike? or a bike ride? or soemthing that you find relaxing? An activity that you can do together without thinking about any of those things? Recharge your batteries and try not to dwell on the tiny decision points. You might feel better when you get back to it. It will get done, one way or another, you can never please everyone, if it stresses you too much to think about it and you really don’t want to get married, call it off! If you are just stressed by the planning aspect of it, take a break from it. SOunds liek you’ve already done a lot of work. Focus on other things or delegate it.
Post # 13
This advice is really extreme. Nothing in the OP’s post suggests to me that her Fiance is responsible for her depression. Depression isn’t necessarily “caused” by anything. While I agree with PPs that she should look into therapy/medication, implying that she’s headed for divorce if she doesn’t call off the wedding just seems reckless.
Post # 14
Thank you everyone. I’ll definitely be looking into medication. I was on it for many years through the end of high school and into college. I really thought I somehow got over it but it’s come back full force. And I’m not considering calling off the wedding. Fiance is so understanding and he always tries to help and is always asking what he can do to make me feel better. But most times I cannot pinpoint any one thing or few things I want help with. I’m taking two days off around Memorial Day weekend to give myself a five day weekend to relax. Maybe we’ll go somewhere!
I wish people would talk about depression more. My parents are still under the belief that depression is a defect in a person. They never want to talk about my past struggles. They just say I was “ill” during that time in my life.
Thank you all for your understanding 🙂
Post # 15
And the most unhelpful advice of the day award goes to….