(Closed) Depressed Bride

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Not gonna lie, weddings make people crazy. And you consolidated all the crazy that’s usually spread out over 6-24 months of planning into a very short window of time. They will get over it. I nearly punched my mother for all the temper tantrums she was having on my wedding day and now she acts like it never happened. It will go away and your best bet is to stay out of it. Realistically you can’t please everyone and this situation had a lot of people feeling left out, so lots of people are “displeased” with you. Apologize to anyone who feels left out and just plan your big day.

People are going to know you got married. It’s not going to stay a secret so just go with the flow.

Post # 4
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

Eik, what a mess! It’s really hard to try and keep things like that on the DL and please everyone. My best friend and her husband tried to do the same thing – her mom took their JOP idea and ran with it, inviting the whole family and many friends to a combination Halloween party/backyard wedding. It got really big and out of control and was a bit of a crazy mess, but overall it was lovely though kind of kooky. They both still wanted to do a “real” wedding PLUS his family didn’t know (huge long story on that one), so for the “real” wedding they tried keeping it a secret. Worked — up until the minister announced how wonderful it was to have everyone there to witness A & L’s recommittment of their vows. Oops!

So my suggestion is, let it be known that the larger ceremony is a vow renewal after your small, simple marriage ceremony held for financial and logistical reasons. Most people love a good party and shouldn’t be offended or upset that they’re not attending your “real” wedding. And if they are? Screw ’em. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.

As far as your family’s outrageous behavior goes… I’m sorry, they sound awful and it sucks you have to put up with this. You tried to be nice and include them, and instead they’re throwing it in your face. I’d simply let it be known through the grapevine or in person (whichever works best for your family) that you did what you thought was best and that’s that. Sorry if anyone is offended or upset, but what’s done is done.

I hope it all works out and you & your husband can enjoy married life.

Post # 5
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Just make your big “wedding” a vow renewal… which it is, since you’re already married.  People will either get over it or not, and you don’t have a lot of control over that.

Post # 6
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m sorry to hear this has happened to you.

You can’t “fix” this.  Life happens.  Just roll with it.  (I know.  Easier said than done.) But know, you can’t control what other people do.  You can only control what you do.  

I suggest you send out announcements.  Of course announce that you are married, briefly state that you and your Darling Husband will soon be moving to a new state because of your husband’s fantastic job opportunity, and a formal wedding or celebration will be held in the future.  Kind of like a STD.  The announcement will explain the need for the rush wedding in the park.  Make a verbal announcement to your family that you wanted it to be a secret, but since that is no longer the case this is your plan.  NO BACK AN FORTH WITH THEM!  Go ahead and purchase and wear your ring(s) and change your name. Then enjoy the beginning of your life as the wife of the man you love.

By The Way Congratulations!

Post # 7
Member
6 posts
Newbee

Yeah, the whole “secret” wedding doesn’t work when that any people are in on it. I agree with the post above me. Send out an announcement/ STD for the future official wedding and get rings and be MARRIED!!Thats what you are so you might as well start enjoy it. I’m sorry that it didn’t turn out the way you hoped. Your family is acting immature, don’t let them steal your joy! If you act like you screwed up by doing this way people are going to feed into it. You said your ceremony was beauitful so just remember that and forget about your negative family. Best of luck!

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