(Closed) Depressed Hubby = End of My Rope!!

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee

He’s being an asshole and using his “depression” as an excuse. I have no real advice but just want to let you know that this isn’t on you- it’s his behaviour that’s shitty and thats on him to control. 

Post # 3
Member
256 posts
Helper bee

Doesn’t sound like clinical depression to me and it’s pretty offensive to people who do have depression in their lives that your husband is using that as a scapegoat for acting like a jerk… 

Sounds to me like it’s time he gets called out.

Post # 4
Member
1031 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

View original reply
trickytreat:  If his behavior is not the norm for your relationship, than something is bothering him. The thing is, a person can’t feel an emotion and not express it. It’s going to be expressed  in words and/or action.  He needs to get to the root of what’s really wrong so that it can be remedied. I will tell you that I firmly believe that misery on a job will/can spill over into other  aspects of ones life. 

Post # 5
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee

My ex-H used to use depression as an excuse for being hyper critical. He didn’t like my weight, what I ate, what I watched, what I read, how clean I kept the house – nitpick, nitpick, nitpick.

It wore me down to the point that I felt useless and not good enough for anyone. It took a long time for me to start gaining any sort of self confidence back. Don’t let him break you down.

Post # 6
Member
1411 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
Jeneexoxo:  Yup 100% agree.

Until you have truly been depressed (diagnosed by a doctor) you just can not comprehend what it truly means to feel depressed. And it’s really crappy when people use it as an excuse when they aren’t actually depressed.

OP- take the hubby to a doctor- if he’s depressed get him on anti-depressants. If he’s not, you know for sure he’s just a jerk.

Post # 7
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

View original reply
trickytreat:  agreed. Fi has depression and is not a jerk. You should have him see a doctor and a therapist. 

Post # 8
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

If he isn’t normally like this then no he isn’t a jerk. If he was always saying these things then yep asshole but if it’s a personality change then this will be tied to depression. When I was depressed I was horrible to the people I loved. I’d lash out and say the most awful things and not even realise half The time. The other half I just wanted company in my misery. He needs to go and speak to a doctor about this and you need to speak to him about how you understand he’s depressed but you need him to stop lashing out at you and it’s not your fault. There is a reason a lot of relationships dont survive depression. It’s very hard on the spouse. 

Post # 9
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

There’s a difference between being depressed and having clinical depression. Everyone gets depressed at times, that’s totally normal. Clinical depression is when those feelings of being depressed are unshakeable, and impact your day to day life. He really should talk to a professional if these feelings are impacting his job, and your marriage. Even if he doesn’t have depression, a therapist can help him work through his issues, and help him learn how to cope with them.

Post # 10
Member
1451 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
trickytreat:  I disagree with others here that say that he is just being a “jerk”.  While this may be the case people with mental illness sometimes see things in black and white there is no grey and compassion and empathy are hard for them.  My husband suffers from mental illness and he has struggled with this before.  The best thing you can do if he truly is suffering from some sort of mental illness is help him to seek some treatment and go to some counseling together.

Post # 11
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

Beware of people who want you to be miserable when they aren’t happy. In fact, I would venture to say that this is one of the worst qualities a partner could have.  To me, this has nothing to do with depression but it’s simply a character flaw. 

Post # 12
Member
961 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - San Clemente Church, Italy

Having friends over every week for drinks and fun doesn’t sound very much like “depression” to me. Take him to a therapist to sort out what’s really going on so he can be treated if it’s a clinical issue or get some insight into his behavior and guide him toward something more constructive for your relationship.

Post # 13
Member
5018 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

This does not sound like depression to me.  I would prioritize your relationship before house hunting.  

Post # 14
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

There’s a difference between depressed and unhappy. He’s unhappy and he’s making you miserable. Criticizing what you read is idiotic and I’d tell him that he needs to get himself together and find a new job and stop taking it out on you. 

Post # 15
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee

I would hold off on house hunting until you get to a better spot in the relationship. It’s stressful and a mess if things go really wrong and you need to sell.  

The topic ‘Depressed Hubby = End of My Rope!!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors