(Closed) Depressed husband wont seek help

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: What should I do about my husband's refusal to get help for depression?

    Just try to keep encouraging him and hope his confidence grows - he hasn't been depressed THAT long

    Go behind his back and tell his mom or our priest how he has been feeling - maybe they have ideas

    Give him an ultimatum that he has to try to get help because it is unfair to me

    Other (Explain)

  • Post # 16
    Member
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

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    amanda3334455:  This. A thousand times this. 

    I’ve gone through depression as well and I also didn’t really respond well to therapy. So if he isn’t willing to try therapy, maybe he would be willing to see his primary care doctor and talk about antidepressants. He can also do a lot himself with books or trying meditation, etc. 

    And just to empasize again. Do not give him an ultimatum and tell him how he’s making your life worse. That’s a great way to potentially push him over the edge if he feels like the only person he has in his life is also dissappointed in him. I can’t believe that that is the number one answer on the poll right now. Encourage him, maybe get him a self help book or something. You obviously don’t want to enable his behavior by wallowing with him, but you don’t want to make him feel worse.

    Post # 17
    Member
    2080 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Being a public defender and constantly actually in court could be very stressful if this was not the type of legal job he was looking for, or even if it was and turned out to be not his style. Its too bad he won’t see someone because being an attorney myself I wonder the extent to which this is a situational depression and could be resolved by quitting the job. But you also mention that he’s kind of always been like that – everyone is out to get him, pessimistic …

    I think at this point you should probably be supporting him in trying to move somewhere else and both get a job somewhere else. If every job he did made him unhappy and he was always depressed regardless I might think differently but the guy hates his job to the point he feels suicidal.  So yeah, he should seek therapy, especially if he’s really suicidal but he won’t so … So its also worth determining if this extreme anxiety is flowing just from this job because if it is I don’t really think he should be getting medicated to continue the job anyway, he should be quitting the job as soon as at all possible.

    Post # 18
    Member
    492 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

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    newwifeneedsadvice:  My dh while not quite as bad went through something similar with his last job. he was miserable etc. He has since changed jobs and is 1000 times better. For him it was what I call “situational depression”, he didn’t have a chemical imbalance or anything, he was just miserable because of his job. Changing jobs helped him.

    My dh still has a short temper, but he has always had that. The job just pushed him past his limits. he was permanently angry at himself and others. He felt he could do nothing right. COming home was a nightmare because I was always walking on eggshells. We spoke about it and nothing changed. EVenetually I reached my breaking point and told him he needed to apply for other jobs for both of our sakes. Thankfully he found one.

    Have you considered both applying for jobs closer to your family, if jobs rae available there? Sometimes a change of scene helps tremedously.

    Post # 19
    Member
    2066 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

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    newwifeneedsadvice:  From what you said about him being opposed to meds, I would recommend Dr Clare Weeks’ books even more than before, because she explains how the nervous system works and offers a lot of insight into how to recover from depression and anxiety without meds. So her books might really be for him. They’re not actually that expensive and you can get them on amazon. You sound like a great supportive wife and I’m sure you guys will get through this together.

    Post # 20
    Member
    2066 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    newwifeneedsadvice:  I just saw your other reply.. Yes, try not to tell him that it makes you sad when he’s sad. I know it’s hard because it’s exhausting to keep supporting someone who’s sad, but it’s kind of like if he was in a wheelchair and you kept telling him that it made you sad that he was in a wheelchair and you wished he’d just get up and walk… Getting out of depression can feel as hard as trying to walk when you’re paralyzed.. (as you probably know if you’ve been depressed as well 🙂 ).. so instead try and make him feel like you’re there for him, that he’ll be fine, that you’re not worried about him because you know it’s just a rough time and that he’ll get through it.. Etc.

    Obviously you need to think about your own well-being too, so if supporting him gets too hard then make sure you take a break for yourself, hang out with friends, do things that make you happy.. But just try not to blame him for the way he’s feeling 🙂

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