- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
This may be long and more or less a vent, but I just need to get it off my chest because I can’t take laying awake in bed any longer. Maybe there’s someone out there who can relate.
As a back story, we have been engaged for a year now and aren’t any closer to getting married now than we were when we first got engaged because we simply cannot afford our wedding. We aren’t one of the lucky couples who have the luxury of our parents paying for it, either in whole or in part, and we also don’t have that kind of cash saved up… and it’s going to take a long time for us to do that. So, we do not have any wedding date established, and we just don’t realistically see our wedding happening any time in the plannable future.
My issue is that any time the topic of our wedding comes up I get really sad. Sad enough to where it ruins the rest of my day and it takes a lot to get out of the funk and go back to my normally happy mentality. As you all can probably relate, when you’re engaged all people that know will reflexively ask you “How’s wedding planning going?!” every time they see you. Any time we go to a social gathering, any time I chat with a work-related associate, any time I run into an acquaintance… I am asked.
And I totally understanding that all these people are coming from a good place, and that “How’s the wedding planning?” is, under all other circumstances, a happy question. It’s not these people’s faults at all… But I hate being asked how my wedding planning is going because it’s NOT going, and it’s not going to get going for a long time, which is already depressing in and of itself. And then every time I’m asked, I have to come up with a short and polite-but-awkward answer to skirt the issue and change the subject. It’s depressing as &#$% having to do this and choke back my tears.
The particularly difficult times are when other brides (real brides who are actually getting married within months) ask me how mine is going, because even though I really am happy for them and looking forward to their weddings, I am also jealous inside that they are able to have their wedding on the timeline they wanted. Of course, I can’t be a debbie downer with my situation and rain on their kitties-and-sunshine so I play it off like everything is fine and dandy over here too, but I die a little inside.
There are a few people that aren’t satisified with a generic “everything’s great” answer and want specifics like a date and other details, so I’ll answer a little more honestly with a “Well, we’re still saving so it’ll be a while yet.” But that ends up being even worse because I’ll get more well-meaning suggestions like “Just run off and elope!” and “Just do a backyard BBQ, you don’t need all that other crap” and other general directions for how we should get married.
And we don’t want this platinum barbie dream wedding either – the wedding we are hoping for actually involves a budget and several cost-saving measures. But the thing that it doesn’t do is de-prioritize our priorities that we want on the most important and special day of our lives. For starters we are having an intimate wedding of around 40 people. Ceremony and reception will be in one location. There will be no limos or fancy transportation. I happen to like really inexpensive flowers and am a minimalist with decorating. However, we absolutely will not sacrafice location, photography, food/open bar, and an awesome honeymoon… we both know we’d regret it if we did.
It’s not that we’re in a big hurry to get married — at the end of the day, I know that I would sincerely rather wait and have the wedding the way we want than to go elope or do our wedding way way way scaled back. I understand that the wedding is not the finish line. However, it’s not like we’re stoked about dragging feet either — I mean, we got engaged for a reason after all. But the principal element that is upsetting is that we actually don’t even know when we will be able to get married, and being constantly reminded with the (well-meaning, but painful) reminders from people all the time.
Phew, sorry that was so long but I feel better just getting it all out there already. Thanks for the emotional support.