(Closed) Depressed: Parents are splitting up. Merry f’ing Christmas!

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

You have every right to feel the way you do. And I dont’ see how seeing your dad will be awkward. The man was a part of your life for most of it, I would hope that he would still want a relationship with you even if him and your mom are no longer together.

Sucks she didn’t tell you sooner, but maybe she thought it would be better to wait to tell you?

And if you don’t want to help her move, tell her you are sorry but you can’t. You can’t help the way you feel, and if being there is going to be counterproductive, why even bother?

Post # 4
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Sorry this is happening to your family.


I think you’re justified to feel shitty here. Crying is normal and I doubt anyone is judging you and if they are… they suck.


I think that your mom probably didn’t want to ruin your newlywed moment. Like you said, she was probably just trying to look out for your best interest.


I have a friend who was in a similar situation as you (her step dad and mom got divorced and her step dad was closer to her then her bio dad). After the split up, her mom and step dad actually still spoke. Like in your situation, they knew that being apart was better for them. So now my friend actually sees her step dad often. He was there at the birth of both of her children. She visits him once in a while too.


So I know right now it is hard to see the future of things, but maybe later on you guys will be able to continue a relationship.


I know that Christmas is going to be tough but maybe you and your Darling Husband can still take the time to celebrate alone for one of the days? I know you probably are obligated to visit family and such, but I still think it is important to celebrate as your first Christmas as husband and wife and to bask in this moment. 

Post # 5
2755 posts
Sugar bee

*hug* I’m so sorry. I know how you feel – my mother and former step-father split up after he was the only father figure in my life and it was horrible for me. Even worse because he didn’t want to have a relationship afterward, which messed me up during my teen years.

I would suggest inviting him to a casual lunch or coffee and talking about things. Just tell him that even though he’s not going to be with your mom anymore, he means a lot to you and you would like to keep the relationship intact. Awkward though it may be, if he means a lot to you (and obviously, if he gave you away you also mean something to him), then it’s worth pursuing.

As far as your mom goes, I can also understand your feelings toward her and I don’t think they’re unwarranted. Thing is, if neither of them were happy as you said, it is probably better off for them to be apart. It’s hard to gain any perspective when things are happening fast around you, so take any time you need so you can be there for her in the coming months. If helping her move will be too hard for you, then bow out. She doesn’t have to know why, just tell her that it’s not possible for you to do that.

I’m guessing the reason they didn’t tell you is that they didn’t want to spoil your wedding or the happy months after as newlyweds.

Post # 6
47289 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m sorry that you are having to deal with this. It is painful.

It’s always hard to adjust to news like this. But, consider the alternative. Would you want your Mom and her boyfriend to live in misery for the rest of their lives?

Your Mom is likely hurting more than you are. This is the time for you to step up and support her in doing something that is no doubt difficult for her too.

There is no reason that you can’t maintain a relationship with him if you choose to. I am still very close to my ex mother-in-law because we both chose not to discuss her son but focus on maintaining our own relationship.


Post # 7
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time with this. Just try to remember that your mother is going through major heartbreak as well, and even if you don’t feel you can help her move, do at least try to be there for her, ask her how she’s feeling, ask her how she’s handling everything. Try not to express anger or resentment towards her because it will just make things worse for everyone involved (including you). And of course call her boyfriend up too, ask how he is doing. See if he’d like to go get some lunch, and be honest with him. Tell him that you really love him like a father figure and that you hope to maintain a relationship with him because he has been such a big part of your life. You can all potentially help each other here.


Post # 8
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This would be such a hard thing to go through! Try to be there for her as much as you can. I’m sure she feels terrible. You are allowed to cry and be sad, too! Make sure to somehow let him know that you will miss him and you want him to still be in your life. I’m sure he does not want to entirely loose out on the relationship with you, either.

Post # 9
2467 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m really sorry. I don’t have anything to add to the other great advice people are giving, but I just wanted to say that this really does suck 🙁

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