- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2014
Hello everyone! First off, let me introduce myself. I’m 21 and a nursing student from Columbus, OH, and fiance is 30 and a high school teacher. I have lurked/stalked the boards for a while and finally found the time to register! 🙂 My wonderful fiance and I have been together since June 2011 and he proposed on Christmas day of 2012.
I am looking for some advice! I am completely depressed about my future wedding and engagement. Our wedding date is December, 20, 2014(long engagement because I want to be done with school first!) and I have been actively planning for the past several months. The dress is bought, reception venue booked, cake booked, his wedding band purchased, and the initial contact has been made with the church we will be getting married in(can’t put down a deposit until exactly one year out). My parents are thrilled and have been gracious enough to offer $500 to the wedding and pay for the cake aswell. We are doing something really beautiful for 80-100 people on a $4,000 budget(not a typo! I’m a bargain hunter at heart!).
Everything sounds great right? Well, except for the fact my fiance doesn’t want a wedding. Everything was wonderful at first. He was excited and really looking forward to getting married. The closer we get and the more decisions that have to be made, the more frusterated he gets. We were supposed to start a savings account together back in January. Our plan was for him to contribute $150/month and for me to contribute $100/month. That hasn’t happened, even with me mentioning it to him bi-weekly atleast. His mother and sister commented to him that it’s rediculous that I spent $1,100 on a dress when it was something that I REALLY wanted and was purchased partially by my grandparents as a Christmas gift. He didn’t want me telling his parents and family when we went browsing for wedding bands to get an idea of what both of us wanted. He told me that when he asked me to marry him that he thought we would just get married in his grandparents church and have a cake/punch reception, he does not want to him the ‘huge’ celebration and formalities of the first dance and garter toss. He said that he will do what we have booked, but he isn’t happy with it, and really makes it known by guit tripping me on a regular basis whenever we talk about things related to the wedding. He doesn’t see the need in a photographer or engagement pictures…… infact, I imagine him not being the happiest at our engagment session. He told me that he doesn’t even want to talk about the wedding anymore.
I’m upset because it was supposed to be a partnership and I feel like I’m completely alone in this. He hasn’t paid a DIME and I don’t see him doing anything in the near future. He conveniently doesn’t come to appointments I have scheduled, even after asking him his schedule and reminding him every couple days…… until he ‘forgets’ and makes plans with his family. I feel guilty on a daily basis because I want to feel like a BRIDE and feel special. I feel horrible now for wanting a day to stand up in front of family and friends when we make a commitment to eachother. I even feel horrible for wanting a simple bridal shower next year!
He doesn’t involve me in anything. He brought a dog home that was supposed to be our choice together….. it was his. He bought a house prior to us getting engaged and I had no say. He said he wanted me to be involved in the renovations, but every choice has been his or his families. He doesn’t listen to me when considering decisions such as a new car or job, he calls his family. I told him that I’m going to be his wife and he needs to start acting like it and talking to me before going to mom and dad!
I’m seriously considering calling off the engagement and cutting my losses. I love him to death and I know that he clearly loves me, but I refuse to feel horrible on a daily basis. And if he’s acting like this now, who am I to know that it won’t happen again two years down the road when were married and there is something that I want to do for myself? We have never had any problems or disagreements before this 🙁