(Closed) Depression and Friendship

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2326 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

Don’t ‘reply’ by email. Call her if you value the friendship. People are much more likely to listen and are less defensive on the phone. (or in person, even better).

She is feeling hurt and obviously doesn’t understand the gravity of what you were going through.

If, after you speak with her, she is still unsympathetic, end the friendship.

Post # 3
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: Loon Lake Lodge, Lakeville, MA

As a bride and a major depression sufferer, this makes me sad. I would write an email or see, if possible, you can meet for coffee or something and say you are very sorry but you could not do it. If she values your friendship, I think she will understand. If not, then it is her loss. You must look after yourself. 

I would have done the same. I would not want to have ruined someones time or threw off the whole weekend because people are helping me. 

 

Post # 5
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

Fk your friend, honestly, but the only consolation is that she probably had no ability to understand what’s really going on and in a self-centered way assumed the worst.

I have some minor traumas from the past that surface sometimes, and it’s quite difficult. I wouldn’t bend over backwards apologizing. I think I’d send an email saying “Hi, I was sorry to receive your messages. I also realize that it probably wasn’t clear to you what was going on with me. I am going through an extremely hard time. (If you feel close to her, you can add a sentence explaining why here, but only if you want to – you don’t owe her this.) The last few weeks have been extremely challenging, but I am slowly working to get back to normal after undergoing loss. I would love it if we can get together once I am on more stable ground.”

I hate what she said to you. I think you’re strong and I admire the way you’ve rebuilt your life. I wish you only happiness and love, and a fantastic life with this truly wonderful fiance you have!

Post # 6
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: Loon Lake Lodge, Lakeville, MA

You can’t control her unfortunately. You did the rifght thing and it is in her court. If she can’t forgive you, then it is her problems. Things like this bring out the worst in people sometimes. 🙁

Post # 7
Member
2326 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

she’s being a cunt.

Sorry you got that reaction. You didn’t deserve that. She is behaving selfishly.

Post # 8
Member
927 posts
Busy bee

You gave her the benefit of the doubt that she sent those emails because she was hurt and didn’t understand. But now you’ve explained it all and offered a proper apology by phone and she still thinks her wedding celebrations are more important than your mental health? I’d be VERY willing to lose that friendship, you don’t need a friend like that. 

Post # 9
Member
9130 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

She sounds like the kind of friend who’s great when things are good, but a “with friends like that, who needs enemies” type when things are hard. I know it’s difficult to lose a friendship, but seriously, she’s being a selfish nasty bitch and you’re better off!

Post # 10
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m sorry but she doesn’t sound like a friend.  Just like your Fiance, true friends are there through thick and thin.

Post # 11
Member
779 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Her wedding has made her very selfcenterd. As a friend she should understand that your health is way more important than her party. If she’s not willing to be supportive when you need it, she’s not really a friend.

( my friend is not coming to my bachelorette party because she’s going on vacation. Even tho 2 weeks later schools are closed and her 2 children have a week break. So even if i find this weird i understand. She has her own life and it would be nice to spend time with her but if its not possible so be it. We’ll do something together later. So i really dont get how a friend cannot understand your situation. That is really not a friend to me…

Post # 12
Member
9527 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I am very sorry for your losses. I don’t know either one of you but I am shocked by her reaction! How selfish! Grief is a long process, it’s hard to understand when you are outside it and when you are in it. This should not end a friendship. Hopefully when she is gets over her “wedding brain” she will understand the state you are in. 

 

Again, I feel for you. 

Post # 13
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I am floored, no, beyond floored, I am…flabbergasted that someone could even for a teeny tiny fraction of a second think that their party is more important than the well-being of their friend. Seriously, I just cannot even fathom this. Dear Bee, I’m sure you love your friend, but speaking as another Bee who suffers from major depression and has also has trauma in her past (although not to your extent, and I am very sorry for your losses) I know what the bed ridden state is like. The fact you sent along champagne is sweet and probably more than I could have mustered.

I actually missed a close friend’s 21st birthday in college during one of my spells and after I explained the situation and apologized and sent along my love, she completely understood, because she cared more about my wellbeing than having me attend.

Maybe there is a chance for reconciliation in the future, but for now, her comments were rude and I would be careful spending time with someone like that. Also, I have no patience for people who are not understanding of the “mentally unstable”, as your friend put it. You are being responsible and taking all the steps you need to get better and take care of yourself, and the best thing you can do is be surrounded by people who love and support you, not mock you. I think she needs to apologize if you want to save your friendship, don’t apologize any more to her. Also, lots of internet hugs. And sorry for getting all angry protective mama bear on you.

Post # 14
Member
716 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Grief isn’t a linear process and she should understand that. It makes no difference how she feels about this situation. It is what it is and as a true friend she should accept and offer empathy – not judgement. You suffered a horrible and tramatic loss and you have done what you had to in order to survive. Now is your time to grieve and process. If that didn’t happen on a timeline she finds acceptable, that’s too bad. She’s acting like a horrible friend and spoiled bride. 

Post # 15
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee

FUCK HER  FUCK HER FUCK HER

Everyone grieves in their own time and way.You have no control over it.  It will subside and then come back in waves just when you thought you were getting back to normal. I’ve been thru it myself and I can tell you it is a long, slow process. My heart breaks for you and I am sending you a big hug.

She is not your friend. A friend is caring and compassionate and understanding.  She’s dead weight and you don’t need that in your life.

FUCK HER FUCK HER FUCK HER FUCK HER

The topic ‘Depression and Friendship’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors