Post # 1
For as long as I can remember, my Dad has always acted ‘funky’ during this time of year. He won’t talk about it with anyone but we all think he suffers from depression from time to time but during the holidays it’s just odd. He’s so short with my mom (they normally have a pretty good relationship) and is just off. He won’t see a therapist and if he did, he wouldn’t talk.
I just feel so bad because my mom is on the receiving end of this and while she loves the holidays, his attitude puts a major damper on it for her. Some years are better than others, but December just began and he’s already upset her several times. We were just with them on Sunday at a Christmas Market and they left early, etc. Apparently, he was yelling at her in the car about where she should park and then I learned this morning that he was yelling at her again because she didn’t turn where he wanted her to. Again, normally, they have a pretty solid relationship so when I hear these things, I just want to scream at him.
On the 18th, my husband and I are headed to their house for the night so mom and I can make babka and stuffed cabbages together and we just really like going there because it’s relaxing. And here’s an email she sent me this morning:
“First, let me apologize for leaving early and your parents disappointing you again. I think it would be best going forward if you didn’t include dad and I. I never know what his mood – he only stresses me out when he’s like this. He even yelled at me on the way home for almost making him go the wrong way – he has a form if depression even if he was diagnosed because he would never tell a doctor this sort of stuff.
Also, if you would prefer not coming on the 18th I fully understand. No sense in subjecting yourself to someone who’d a scrooge and always seems to be depressed – it’s such a downer”
We’re still going on the 18th because I won’t let him get away with making her upset this time of year and I know having us there will help her. But enough is just enough.
I know it’s not my battle but should I say something to him?
Post # 3
You should, but tread lightly. Be patient and caring and talk to him from a place of love and not a place of anger. Perhaps his daughter pointing out this situation might make him do something. He wouldn’t have to talk to a therapist for depression meds. His normal GP can issue them as well. Perhaps you should suggest that.
Post # 4
I would say something to him. Maybe he doesn’t realize that he’s ruining her entire season? Or maybe hearing it from his daughter will make it seem like it’s more of an issue than he currently thinks it is.
Post # 5
From experience I would say that I don’t think you can say something to him, but it’s always worth a try. Just be careful how you say it. If you can help him realise how he’s acting, that’s great, because until he realises that how he’s acting is not good, it’s unlikely anyone will be able to help him.
Just be aware that anything you say could be met with the same reactions your mother is getting and he may not even realise how he’s acting.
Post # 6
Can your mother say something to their doctor? He may have better ideas on how to talk to your dad or offer your mom some suggestions. I’m not sure I would say anything to him. Can your mom come to you ? Maybe a few days away from him would be a nice break.
My uncle used to get the same way. It would begin the week before Thanksgiving and last thru St Pat’s (if it was still cold and dark and dreary). It was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The last few years, he started taking care of some really needy kids. It helped alot to look outside himself and to the needs of others. He’s like a whole new man. I’m also sure a brush with cancer that almost killed him is a contrib factor. Good Luck.
Post # 7
My FH was like this until last year when the doctors put him on vitamin D. It was a combination of the lack of sunlight and the holiday scroodges. This year no holiday scroodges and I really think it is the vitamin D they put him on.
Post # 8
I agree with PP, try some Vitamin D. There is a type of thing called Seasonal Depression, and it happens a lot during the winter. It’s a very real condition, I suggest that you and your mom discuss it together and maybe with your family doctor. He could probably suggest some good ideas to help combat it.
Here’s a little information on it from WebMD.com
Hope this helps