Post # 1
I’m not sure where these emotions come from and why I am having them. From an outside perspective, I have it made. I just got married in March, my husband just got a great new job, we have very few bills, I’m in school, I don’t have to work, and we have two adorable little dogs. We are both fairly healthy. I’ve suffered on and off with depression my entire life, however, it’s uncommon for me to sink into the hole I’ve fallen into today for no clear reason. I have felt like crying on and off all day and keep thinking I don’t want to live anymore. I feel like I am melting internally. I’ve been having panic attacks fairly often, as well.
I have made contacts to see a therapist and physician but have not followed through on any of it yet. It seems like therapists frequently want to discuss the past and it only makes me feel worse. Shrinks want to put me on every drug in the book and I’ve taken just about every one out there. What’s so amazing about this situation is these episodes tend to suddenly pass and I’ll feel “normal” again.
Regarding my recent health issues with the EKG, it turned out the leads were placed incorrectly and it was normal. My bloodwork was also all normal including thyroid.
Any thoughts, ideas, or anyone that can relate or help?
Post # 3
@greenidlady: I have feelings like this sometimes, If you have already taken a lot of types of medication, I would say you should just try to get through the bad times without it. I was on a depression medication a few years ago and i ended up gaining about 20 lbs. I have since only managed to loose 10 lbs and have stopped taking the medication about 2 years ago. I haven’t been on anything since then and sometimes it can get bad, but most of the time its ok. If I ever have a bad day/week I just try to relax, and have a few glasses of wine. something like an anti anxiety might help you better get through a day where you just feel anxious for no reason, if you haven’t already tried something like that. Stress also makes it especially bad for me
Post # 4
@swisea01: Yes, most SSRI’s (serotonin reuptake inhibitor) do cause weight gain. I’m on a SNRI (serotonin norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor) right now. They help with anxiety, as well as depression, but they don’t tend to cause weight gain. The one I’m taking right now makes me very tired in higher dosages, which is why I’m on a low dosage of it. I take an anti-anxiety med, as well. I don’t drink though, as it tends to make the anxiety and depression worse.
It’s just scary when I feel as rotten as I did today. I went to the gym and walked around the mall attempting to feel better. Nothing I did seemed to work for me today, which is unusual.
Post # 5
@greenidlady: Ya when i started taking my SSRI, I was 20 and didn’t know anything about them, I just trusted my doctor. I know you can’t drink when taking anxiety pills/some depression meds, but since I am not currently taking any, a glass of wine usually calms my nerves, but there are some days where you just can’t shake it and it’s terrible!
Post # 6
@swisea01: I use to use a glass of wine to relax at the end of the day before I started taking anti-anxiety meds. That was 3 or 4 years ago. I’m not anxious today just sad for no good reason. It makes no sense.
Post # 7
@greenidlady: i really feel for you depression is an awful experience and so very hard to explain. Please know that you are not alone and many people right now are feeling the same.
when I was suffering from depression I saw a therapist and as hard as it was in the end it really helped ( it really felt like 3 steps forward 2 steps back)
Goodluck and know that better times will come your way:))))
Post # 8
@greenidlady: Ya I feel that sometimes, especially with all the wedding stuff and having some close friends/family disappointing me with their attitudes. I realize that I care way more about my wedding than anyone, but it kind of makes you sad when you realize you don’t have very many people that you are close to in your life.
Post # 9
@Holly77: Thank you, yes, I know a lot of others suffer with it, as well. I know a lot of people out there are a lot worse off than I am. I’m grateful for what I’ve been blessed with in my life.
@swisea01: Yeah, most brides do care a lot more than anyone else. This is especially hard when you don’t have much help. My mother is deceased and FI at the time was in Kuwait. It wasn’t easy to plan. I’m grateful for the support from the ladies for that very reason.
Post # 10
@greenidlady: I totally understand how you feel. I get these random episodes of depression and anxiety too, even though everything seems to be going well. Sometimes I don’t even know what starts one of those episodes and sometimes I know what triggered it but the situation doesn’t even warrant that sort of reaction.
I found out some time ago that I may be suffering from PMDD (look it up!). I found that out when I started charting these episodes on the recommendation of a psychologist friend. Every time I would feel depressed or faced one of those episodes of anxiety, I would log the date, what I felt emotionally, what I felt physically, what I think triggered my feelings, and then I would later go back and write in any consequences that resulted from the episode (e.g. fight with FI, went to sleep and woke up feeling better, insomnia whatever). The charting made me more aware of what was going on but I will admit that I didn’t feel it helped much. But eventually, I began to realize that I got these episodes around the same time every month. That made me think it was tied to my period. I asked around and found out about PMDD and am now seeing a doctor to figure out how to deal with that.
So my advice is to start charting your feelings and symptoms, dates and triggers. Even if you don’t have PMDD at least it will better help you realize when these episodes happen and what some of the triggers might be. And at least in that case you will be in a good position to do something about this rather than being rendered helpless like this when they come around.
My episodes have caused so much strain between me and FI in the past, and even though I haven’t beaten the problem yet, just the knowledge of when I can expect it has helped my FI navigate it a lot better. I am so grateful for that, because it has caused us so much pain in the past.
Best of luck.
Post # 11
This is how depression is. I don’t have it nearly as bad as FI, but it comes and goes for both of us. He has great days and really bad days. He hates being on medication because trying to find the right kind and the right dose is too draining, and what he has tried has just evened everything out so he’s basically just a robot.
What I really suggest, as much as I know you don’t want to, is continue to see a therapist. Talk about the past and about your problems. YES, it will make you sad, but the more you talk about it and get it out, the better you will feel. I promise. It’s very cathartic.
Post # 12
Apparently a lot of people related to this girl. She also has a second post about it.
Her blog is pretty great, always hilarious. But she also became depressed, and couldn’t understand it. So she wrote a post about it. The response was overwhelming.
If you have the time, I strongly suggest you read the above post. And then read the second one
Post # 13
Post # 14
I have felt like crying on and off all day and keep thinking I don’t want to live anymore. I feel like I am melting internally. – You sound like me.
I think depression is a curse we’ve unfortunately are dealt with. There are moments where I just wish I could be somebody else. And I don’t think that people realize that we can’t control it.
I’ve found absolutely no help in therapy. I tried 3 different ones & am on a waiting list to now try a male. Back in college I spoke with a male psychologist and he was great. Granted I wasn’t as bad and feel I have more issues I’m dealing with now.
Medicine does work, but it’s an everyday commitment that you don’t seem like you want.
I just try to always think of all the good things I have, how I married the best person I could ask for, how I’ve accomplished so much. And when I have to just sit there and cry, I do it. Just let it all out. I’d do anything to be “cured.”
Post # 15
Stress, even from good changes, can ause depression. You’ve been through some very big changes recently! I’m in the same boat. Even though some of my changes are exciting, I’m so nervous all the time and that leads to crying and feeling hopeless for me.
Post # 16
@greenidlady: I have nothing useful to say except that you’re not alone. I will try to explain why these episodes happen to me and that might be useful for you…I often take on a lot of responsibility–I have a habit of always saying yes even when I’d rather say no and I can ignore what’s best for me for the benefit of others. At times there’s so many things on my plate that I see the demands as one massive task that I cannot accomplish, I become overwhelmed and depressed because I’ve FAILED already in my mind. Then I fear that others will see my failure as well and be disappointed, angry,or just view me as incapable of X. I then sink into this pattern if negative self talk where I think up every little thing that confirms my negative feelings.
usually to snap out of it I put on a meaningful song or read my daily devotional. I think about my future husband and his love for me. I think of gods love for me…and I tell myself that it’s a slap in the face to both of them to treat myself this way–I remember where I’ve been and where I might have ended up without the abundance of blessings, love, and grace that has been bestowed upon me. Usually there’s years–lots of them.