(Closed) Depression (long)

posted 9 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
1398 posts
Bumble bee

Have you ever had your hormone levels checked?  I found myself in a not so happy place a few years ago and found out that was a lot of my problem.  

Post # 4
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way ๐Ÿ™ It’s great you’re staying active, though, because that can help you feel a bit better. I think Fiance is trying to help by getting you healthier but obviously there are more sensitive ways to tell someone they need to make a lifestyle change.

Have you considered talking to a professional? For some people that’s all they need, just to talk it out.

Post # 5
1547 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It sounds like you are depressed. You should talk to a professional. It happens to the best of us. My advice is don’t be embarassed about it. I have friends who have dealt with this and the best thing is to talk to someone, once you do you’ll realize that many of the people around you are going through somehting similar but nobody ever talks about it, which I think just makes it harder. You have been through a lot, a lot at a very young age. Most children don’t experience a parent dying when they’re so young and it sounds like your dad didn’t step up to help you once you’re mom was gone. Then to lose another mother figure, I can’t imagine.

You’re Fiance has no excuse for treating you that way & its unacceptable. Its easy to take things out on the people you love the most. I’m not justifying is cations in any way, but maybe try to see things from his prespective so you can understand it a little more then you can find a resolution. Maybe he was resentful that he’s working so hard at a healthier lifestyle and seeing temptation in fornt of him made him angry? Maybe, he wants you as a partner on his path to a healthier lifestyle? Maybe he’s worried about your health & losing you? Sometimes men aren’t good at expressing their feelings. Tell him that his actions hurt you and that his approach in unacceptable and try to go form there.

Sorry that you’re feeling so sad these days, things will get better though!

Post # 6
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I have struggled with depression for most of my adolescent and adult life. I find that just having someone to talk to about it, whether it be a professional or a friend really helps. Mine goes in phases. Sometimes it is worse than others. I just managed to get out of a really bad funk recently. I am sorry that you are in a low place. I know how hard it is to motivate myself to get out and do things when I am depresed, but sometimes it really helps. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk. Just remember, it does get better, even when it doesn’t feel like it. *HUGS* 

Post # 7
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You should start seeing a therapist ASAP. He/she will help you sort out what is coming from an imbalance in the brain and what is coming from outside sources. Your fiance throwing away your food and forcing your BMI on you is horrible and sounds controlling and somewhat emotionally abusive. Seeing a therapist will help you work through this and figure out if he is contributing to your depression. Good luck!

Post # 8
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m very sorry you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you’ve had a lot of, frankly, shitty stuff happen, and that would be enough to have anyone feeling not so great.

I have a very good friend who has suffered from depression for years, and Fiance and I went througha  period where we thought he might be as well. I’m not sure how the healthcare system in the US works, but I know here in Canada if you want to go see a therapist or psychologist you need a referral from your family doctor first. When Fiance went to talk to ours about his issues, she actually thought it had a lot to do with his sleep, which I thought was a load of BS. She prescribed him a very light sleeping pill for nights when he has trouble sleeping, and after ensuring he got 8 hours a night for a few weeks he felt worlds better.

I’m totally not trying to downplay what you’re going through, or suggest it ISN’T depression, because I have no freakin clue how to diagnose it, but the sleep thing might be part of it, or might at the very least, not be helping.

Also, good on you for starting to exercise! That always makes me feel worlds better when I’m down or feeling sluggish, etc.

If it IS depression, there are MILLIONS of people with it, and you most certainly wouldn’t be alone. I know you said your Fiance is acting very self-righteous right now, but I really think this is something you should talk to him about.

I also second (or third or fourth) the suggestion to see a therapist….sometimes you just need to talk to someone who isn;t connected with the people in your life.

Good luck!

Post # 9
1012 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve struggled with depression since i was 13 or 14. I used to live in my room when i was a kid.  I would come home from work and just listent to music in my room for hours on end.  My mom finally said something to me which snapped me out of it.  Then in university I went through a massive year long depression.  I was so lost.  I gained 30 pounds and started to have panic attacks.  Finally I admitted defeat and moved back home.  Started writing down EVERY thought I had just to put it somewhere.  Started to work out constantly as an escape.  That helped A LOT you have no idea.  Exercising gives you happy hormones!

 I still struggle with it. I am still incredibly insecure because of it.  I have huge issues with my self confidence and I struggle with just daily conversation with people. I’ve closed off a lot and sometimes for no reason I think everyone hates me.  My SO sees this and has told me to seek help.

I would love to I’m just not sure how to go about it.  So I would DEFINITELY tell you to also seek help. Its not something to be ashamed of. And if it helps you in the end than its a positive. 

Post # 10
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I am so sorry that this is happening to you!!! That sounds like a really rough go at life. My Fiance is on a health kick to and it REALLY kills my self esteem. I cooked dinner last night (lean, ground turkey tacos on wheat/flax tortillas, organic salsa, non fat sour cream) and made cornbread casserole the night before. I put some cornbread casserole (made with all non-fat ingredients) on my plate and we sat down. He said, “This is delicious honey! And really healthy too! Except for the cornbread.” He made a point to remind me that I had made an mediocre health choice (mind you, after working out for 120 minutes, 60 min of heavy weightlifting and 60 minutes running on the treadmill). And it killed the dinner for me. He makes comments like that all the time and is FOOD OBSESSED and WEIGHT OBSESSED! By no means am I “fat” nor does it sound like you are at all… It’s really painful =(


I work in healthcare and one of the most beneficial medications in my opinion is anti-depressants. I’m not on them, but seriously, the doctors I work with call them “miracle drugs.” They do magical things in your brain… A lot of people use them just for a temporary amount of time to pull them out of a funk and life is better!


And lastly, of course, there is counselling. Millions upon millions of people use this every day and show remarkable improvement in just a few sessions if you find the right person. It’s amazing how just talking to a professional that helps you face the inner issues can help you deal with them in amazing ways. Something to consider.


I hope things get better =(

Post # 11
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013



Bee’s I was going to write this incognito. But decided not to. 

I’m so glad you were so brave.  No one should be ashamed of these feelings.  Thank you for speaking publicly.

Here lately (the last few months) I’ve felt really sad. Not just like boohoo no one likes me, its a really deep sad, that I can’t shake, no matter what I try. And there is really no reason why.

Has anything changed in the last few months? Diet, meds, schedule, living situation, etc?  Bone-deep daily sadness with no specific cause is definitely not normal and you need to seek help.  I’m glad you’re recognizing this problem starting to reach out.  I wish I could give you a bug hug.

I used to think it was that I hadn’t dealt with my mom dying (8 years ago, I was 14). But I really have been okay, and proactive with that situation. 

I’m so sorry for your loss.  I haven’t lost a parent, however my older sister died suddenly when I was 12.  Don’t feel like you should “get over it already” or let anyone tell you anything like that.  There will always be times when you miss her and wish she was there. Remeber that she would want you to have a happy and full life.

I thought it had something to do with school. And for some reason, I feel like it does. I hate school, I don’t want to go back to college. I’m enrolled for one class this semester, after being kicked out.

Hmmm. Why are you going?  If you’re going to college for any reason other than it will help you get your dream job – stop.  College is not for everyone.  Do something that makes you happy.  Don’t go back to school unless its something you really want to do. (Just my opinion- others will tell you I’m wrong.)

Could have been FI’s mom dying about 18 months ago. Maybe. I had a hard time with that. Fiance and I, when she passed, had been together 6 years. So she really did become my second mom. And I think I’ve been okay with that. I feel good. I feel like whatever higher power there is, God, Spirits, whomever. Gave me her for a reason. I had a second chance with a mom. And I knocked it out of the park I think. His family is great.

Again, I’m so sorry.  I’m glad you seem to be at peace with this.  Remeber to be sensitive to your Fiance.  He may still be dealing with his grief and lash out in unexpected ways that stem from this loss.  Be patient and very aware of this.

I really hate my father. And I’m trying to come to terms with that. I love my father. But hate him. He complains about everything. And I’ve tried to tell him, but he just doesn’t listen. His girlfriend lives with him, and she’s the same way. Everyone is out to get her. Against her. Her son screwed them over. And now shes got her sons 2 daughters who are (excuse my french but there is no better word for it) ROYALLY fucked over. I won’t go into details. But the older one just turned 8 and she’s going to school for the first time. The younger has Fetal Alcohol, and siezures and was never treated for it. And the older one had to care for the younger one. It’s really sad.

What an awful situation. I keep toxic people at arms length.  My ex-step-mother was horrible.  I’ll save you the details, but she was awful and brought out the worst in my dad.  They made eachother miserable as well as everyone around them.  I kept my visits very short and infrequent and let them complain to whoever chose to spend time with them.  I always let my dad know I loved him, but I don’t like talking about his drama or being around his wife.  Now he has left her and met the most wonderful woman.  We have dinner together on a regular basis.  He’s health and active and for the first time in my memory – happy. Wish you the best with your situation. 

I haven’t talked to Fiance about this. And I’m not. Fiance lately has become a self rightous asshole.

Self-Righteous-Asshole-Itis :  The condition of being a self righteous asshole.  Examine possible causes.  Understand he could still be greiving the loss of this mother and its manifesting itself in this way. As far as talking to him about your depression, see a therapist first.  Talk to your therapist about the best way to talk to him. S/he will have resources, advice, books to help with this or will help you write a letter or have a joint session.  Know that depression can be a very difficult subject for one’s partner to understand and the conversation can go wrong very easily. Professional help is best.

I get he wants to be healthier. But he up and threw away my food. My soda. And I felt good about myself, until he put my weight and height into a BMI calculator. And it came up at 30.3. Obese. Now I just want to puke. I hate myself over it. I’m 5’2″ and 158 – 165 pounds give or take.

Talking to your doctor about your weight will help.  If you feel good about yourself, then you’re fine as long as your doctor isn’t concerned.  Obviously your Fiance is concerned but isn’t handling it well.  In one of your other posts you said “He almost cried when he saw it say 200. He’s 6’3″. I think that’s okay. But he was upset.” Being upset about his own weight makes it easy for him to be upset about your weight.  He sees what he hates about himself in you, and thats hard for him. He subconsciously wants you to be as upset as he is.

I’m trying to run the 10k on March 31st. I’ve gone to the gym 3 days in a row. And ran 40-45 minutes with the help of an app on my iPhone. I’m very happy with that. 

Great!  Now invite your Fiance to join you. Try to be happy and enthusiastic about it.  Also, find a few healthy recipes and try them out. Try to involve him and let him know you want to support a healthier lifestyle.  Use the New Year as an excuses to kickstart it.

Tonight I’m just really really sad. And it’s happened on and off for the last 5 years or so. Really since I started college. I’ve been sad. And even when I was a child. I was sad. I never felt like I had friends. I still don’t. I do, but I don’t ever do anything with them. I feel like I have to buy people stuff to like me. And now I feel like my only help would be to get on medication.

Definitely see a therapist.  Its ok to be sad once in a while, but deep persistent sadness needs to be addressed by a professional.  I’m sorry you don’t have good friends.  I have trouble keeping good friends too.  I have casual friends, but not good close friends I feel like I can talk to about anything.  I don’t generally feel like thats something I need or miss, until I’m upset about something and don’t have anyone to talk too. ๐Ÿ™  I’ll be your friend. ๐Ÿ™‚

Tonight has just been a really really bad night. This isn’t a post about, i need friends. Or looking for someone to tell me what to do. I just needed someone to talk to.

Hugs!  Tried to make this conversational. Hang in there girl.

Some last thoughts: I think you should see a therapist, but also go see your medical doctor about this.  S/he will do blood tests to check for all sorts of things that could cause depression- hormones, thyroid problems, etc. Also it could be your birth control method.  Talk to professionals.    

And me. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 14
180 posts
Blushing bee

I’m so, so sorry. I know what it’s like to feel that way, and it’s terrible. What the worst part is, it sounds like at a time when you need your Fiance the most, he’s there the least. I know you love him and want to marry him, but tread carefully before you do. When you get married, you need someone who will be there for you 100% and help you through the rought times. It’s not okay for him to treat you badly and make you feel bad about yourself, because it’s only going to get worse. You really need to think carefully about this before you make that committment.

I am just so sorry, I hope you know you are not alone. It will be okay. It will work out in the end. <3

Post # 15
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

I’ve suffered from depression since I was 11 years old and am now 23. Nothing got better until I finally agreed to see a therapist (and trust me, I didn’t want to). Really it didn’t get better immediately. I hated my first therapist and doctor, I liked the second set okay, found some I really loved stayed with them for a while. Things got better and I decided I didn’t need them anymore. I left for school and things spiraled out of my control again. I finally agreed to go see someone again but the ones I liked had moved practice a few hours away and wasn’t feasible for me to see them anymore. I looked until I found someone I liked again.

My point is that if you don’t like a therapist, leave, don’t go back to them, call someone else. You WILL find someone you’re comfortable with.

Please tell you Fiance how you’re feeling and how he’s making you, it makes no sense to suffer through alone. If he loves you he wants to see you happy. When you bottle things up inside you can get yourself into a very dangerous situation.

I don’t really want to elaborate on my experiences on the public board but I’d be more than happy to talk to you about if you want. You’re never alone. Feel free to PM me if you want to.

Post # 16
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@gogogiraffes: I had another thought. Does your fiance struggle with binging or anything like that? Is there a chance that he was throwing the food away so he wouldn’t be tempted? Either way, it sounds like he could benefit from talking to someone about his struggles with food/weight, because his behavior is definitely a sign of disordered eating. Good luck! Glad to hear that things are looking up a little bit!

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