Depression, pain, and medications, husband disapproval

posted 3 months ago in Wellness
Post # 16
Member
6794 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

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selissal :  This is completely unacceptable, OP “Not only this, but he will use sensitive things that I’ve told him in future arguments as ammunition, whether they are relevant or not.” That is completely unsafe and destructive to trust in a partnership.

Are you familiar with the work of the Gottman Institute? They can predict, with 99% accuracy, which relationships are going to succeed and which ones will fail and what you’ve described about your husband and marriage includes at least 3 of the 4 “horsemen of the apocalypse”. Here’s an article about it:

https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

Post # 17
Member
4971 posts
Honey bee

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sassy411 :  pharmacists are always the best people to discuss meds with. They are generally up on the latest research. But I still dont like the idea of someone getting a pill from a friend. There are ways of looking up meds online, no one needs a PDR anymore, but I’m never going to be a fan of med sharing, regardless of the type. And people differ in their response to drugs. I had a xanax once and it knocked me out cold. I crept to my bed, slept for 4 hours and spent the rest of the day feeling like I had a paper bag over my head. But I have patients who take prn xanax on a regular basis who are able to stay awake and actually do things.

Post # 19
Member
794 posts
Busy bee

Please get the fuck away from this person. Please. It will be difficult but so worth it in the long run. Don’t waste your life on this turd.

Post # 20
Member
8940 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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selissal :  How sad and scary that your husband is actually in control of vulnerable people who have no choice in the matter. Do you realize that his attitude and behavior make him a terrible PA? And terrible person? If he works in the ER, his patients have no choice, but you do. Why are you with this creep? Find a way to support yourself that does not require lying about your health every day. That must be exhausting and so stressful. Plus making your mental health even worse. 

With that said however, getting Xanax from a friend is not cool. If your anxiety is bad enough to require a prescription, get it from your doctor. And Neurontin does have potential for abuse. Not saying you are abusing it, but you should be alert that it does happen. 

Neither of these things makes your husband’s stance right though. He is still a pretty shit human in my opinion, and you’d be better off without him.

Post # 21
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

Triggered. I was in a similar situation about 15 years ago.  Psychiatry was very taboo in my community then.  I asked for help, only to be answered with, “You’re going to see a shrink!”  Several unfortunate life changing incidents and boatloads of money later, I was able to actually get the help I needed.  I always think, “Could all of that been avoided if someone would have believed me and helped me find the medical attention that I needed?”  But I can’t harp on the past.  It was a learning lesson for me and EVERYONE in my support network, opinions have changed because they HAD to out of desperation to get me better and somewhat whole again.  I would keep my distance from him, and find a family member or friend who does support you getting better, and see if you can stay with them until you can get on your feet.  This situation is so dangerous.  He is so dangerous…. I feel extremely concerned for you and also the patients he has come in contact with. Sorry, Bee, my heart goes out to you…

Post # 22
Member
9995 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

You keep saying your husband is a “medical professional” but if you talked to any competent medical professional they wouldn’t agree with any of his bullshit. He is sounds like a shitty husband and a shitty PA. 

Post # 23
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Whoa, this is super controlling, especially the part about therapy. He also sounds like a text book example of burn out. Please do not neglect your needs. 

Post # 24
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

Sounds like your husband’s emotional abuse is a contributing factor to your mental health. Financial dependence is not a good reason to stay. A lot of people go to school on their own. He may be building a home from scratch, but what good is that home if you have to hide who and what you are?

Post # 25
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Your husband is a terrible partner and you do not have to put up with this any longer. I understand that divorce will not be simple, but it is something you need to do. You need to do it for your health and well-being. 

I hear you when you say you are trapped. At first glance, leaving might seem impossible right now. But I assure you it isn’t. It’s amazing the things we can do when we put our minds to it. 

I want you to make leaving your priority. If you make it your priority, I have no doubt that you WILL find a way to leave this man and still finish school. It is not impossible. 

Do you have family or friends you could live with? Do you have a job? You can find a roommate. You can find a job with hours that will work around school. You can take night classes or online classes. 

I’m not saying your quality of life, in terms of finances and housing, isn’t going to change. You might have to rough it a little bit for the next couple of years. But your overall quality of life? Bee, getting away from this man is going to make up for all of the challenges you’ll face. You’re going to be free and freedom is priceless.

You can do this. You have to do this.

Also, I think you might really enjoy this comedic song about antidepressants. “Why should I feel crappy about something that makes me happy?” can be your new motto.

Post # 26
Member
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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selissal :  As a psychologist, this makes me sick. Thinking that he sees patients is really scary. I know you’ve explained that you feel stuck but please take all the previous poster’s advice….LEAVE. We can’t even suggest counseling because he refuses to go anyway, this situation is awful. Stay with a friend/family member, work part time, do whatever you need to do to get away from this guy!!

Post # 27
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

 This is abuse. I hope you will set yourself free of him.

Post # 28
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

I’m so sorry this is happening to you, OP. 

I hope you are so proud of yourself for pursuing treatment for your anxiety/depression. I have generalized anxiety and depression, and I know intimately how hard it is. You took a huge step forward and any loved ones should be praising you and supporting you, not bringing you down. 

You should figure out a plan to get out ASAP, even if it means taking a leave of absence from school and getting a job. You can always go back to school but you will never be able to get back time you spent being abused by this man.

Tell close friends what’s up and form a support system around you. 

When you have a partner you should be able to trust them to tell big things like dealing with mental and physical health issues AND be able to trust that they will never use that info against you.

You deserve better.

As a medical professional your husband should know that there’s a difference between addiction and dependence. A diabetic depends on their insulin, they’re not addicted to it. In that same way people with chronic pain issues take opioids to return to relative normalcy in their functioning, not get high. 

Post # 29
Member
1459 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Whatever you do, do NOT let your husband treat you medically. He has no business knowing your health just because he’s your husband. He will use this as more fuel to abuse you further. Leave him and don’t look back! There are plenty of resources out there that will help you out of your situation. Hoping for the best for you in the new year bee! 

Post # 30
Member
453 posts
Helper bee

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selissal :  Your husband is an ass, #1 for how he treats you and #2 for how I am sure he treats the psych patients in his ER. As someone who works in psych, let me tell you how frustrating it is that much of the stigma my patients face is from other health care providers who are supposedly so educated, but remain incredibly ignorant and end causing more harm than good. 

You’ve already gotten a lot of feedback about your husband, but just let me reiterate that you are not crazy, you are not weak, it’s not all in your head. Depression, anxiety, and pain are real. Pain and depression are from the same place in the brain, so the two could very well be related adding to your anxiety. 

Just stay away from benzodiazepines as a maintenance drug for anxiety if possible. They’re really only meant to be used on the occasional basis, and can be habit forming and physically addictive even if you don’t abuse them. 

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