depression thoughts (long, sorry)

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
58 posts
Worker bee

Holy moly, I was reading this and going “did I write a post in my sleep last night?” Especially about the imagining a better partner for them and not understanding why they’d choose you when they could have that – I struggle with this EVERY day. Therapy has helped – and he comes with me sometimes – but it’s a pretty constant battle. I wish I had more to offer but I feel this to my core and I know how hard it can be. It sounds like he’s supportive and isn’t going anywhere. I hope this gets better for you. <3 

Post # 3
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Hun, I’m sorry you’re going through this, depression is such a horrible illness. It takes so much away from a person no one deserves to go through it. 

I can relate to the thoughts that he could be with someone better. I have a chronic pain disorder, my work pattern means we rarely get a weekend off together. He is into sports and the outdoors and when we do get a weekend off together he looks forward to us getting up and going out and doing stuff together, but sometimes I just can’t. Sometimes I wake up and I’m in pain, I need to rest, I can’t push it otherwise I wouldn’t recover in time to work. I feel immense guilt that I can’t do what we had planned or what he was looking forward to.  I worry that sometimes he will find someone who can let him have his weekends how he wants. 

Post # 4
Member
476 posts
Helper bee

Bee, I so get it. I also have depression and anxiety and joke that I’ve had it since I was in the womb. It’s just a part of me. I actually have anxiety about taking medication for it because it feels like such an integral part of who I am that I worry it would change me. Or I worry I’d stop worrying about things that would put me in danger. It’s insane.

 

Anyways, my hubs is AMAZING. Everything you described. Our relationship is incredible, our life together is great, I can’t wait for our future. He knows me better than anyone, and I was always 100% sure that he was the one. But I always feel like a dark cloud randomly comes over me and felt it at times during wedding planning.

 

Just breathe. We are both so lucky and fortunate to have found men who love us unconditionally-even when things get rough for no apparent reason. Embrace the fact that he chose you and loves you through this. Try, as hard as it may be, to see it as a positive. You aren’t ruining his life with your depression, he’s lighting yours up by being there for you while you go through it.  

Thoughts are with you, girl <3 I know how tough it can be.

Post # 5
Member
3317 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

View original reply
anonbee14 :  “the thing I fear the most is him staying out of obligation but regretting choosing me.”

I feel ya, Bee! You sound a lot like me.

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and getting proper treatment is making a world of difference for me, but it’s not a cure and I’m going to struggle with this my entire life. Depression and anxiety have been my constant companions throughout my life, with ebbs and flows in severity, but always present. I’ve recently learned that they are largely symptoms of ADHD so hopefully as I adjust to this new reality and treatment, these issues will become less of a burden.

My fiance is a wonderful person and he has the patience of a saint. I know I’m a good person and a good partner, but I also know that I can be difficult to understand and I can imagine that when I’m in one of my particularly vulnerable states of mind, that it must be very frustrating and challenging to navigate. He does an incredible job of it though and he has been nothing but supportive, understanding and patient with me since day 1. 

I too worry that eventually he’ll get sick of it and sick of me. Maybe he won’t leave me, but he’ll resent me. And that thought is terrifying. Not only because I don’t want to lose the man I love or the relationship that we have, but because I love him so much that the thought of being a source of misery for him is heart-breaking. 

I think that, like me, you know these worries are irrational and that your partner loves you not in spite of your “flaws” but because of the whole that they are a part of. We see wekaness and pain and endless challenges, but they see women who are incredibly strong and resilient who keep going even when their very bodies and brains are working against them. Let’s try to keep that in mind 🙂

Post # 6
Member
7 posts
Newbee

Feeling the same way too. Not sure if my relationship can be saved now since i have done enough damage on our relationship.

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