(Closed) Designing Website for Friend's Same Sex Wedding – Etiquette Question

posted 6 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 3
6032 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Cappugcino:  I’ve never heard of that tradition but I don’t see how it would hurt if you already have an FAQ page!

Post # 4
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I have never even heard of that, interesting! The question is fine but I don’t think it’s necessary.

Post # 5
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I have a vague memory of that tradition.  An FAQ page seems like it would be a great idea since many have not yet attended an LGBT wedding so they probably have a lot of etiquette questions.  I would check with the grooms to make sure they’re okay with any FAQs on the site before posting though.

Post # 7
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think a FAQ on it is a bit over the top. Plenty of people told me congrats and I never thought twice about it and I’m aware of the tradition.  In fact, the only time I ever thought about it was when people would say Congratulations, oops I mean I’m supposed to say Best Wishes to you.  I don’t thikn a lot of younger people even know about this.

Post # 8
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’ve never even heard of that tradition.

Post # 9
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

As a bride, I was offered congratulations many times, and I don’t recall anyone saying best wishes.  This is the first I’ve ever heard of this!

Post # 10
8420 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Cappugcino:  Another bee who has never even heard that. I don’t think its necessary b/c I think you will find the majority of people wouldn’t even know that. I’d say skip it.

Post # 12
3053 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I think that’s a dying out rule but yes, I’ve certainly heard about it. But I just asked my SO & she has not (which shocks me truthfully lol) I don’t think it hurts anything to put it in the FAQ. =)

Post # 13
42 posts
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Pharmacy Museum

I’ve never heard of this either but I assume since they are both identifying as grooms that the correct way for them to handle the situation is to offer congratulations. I can definitely see it being irritating dealing with peoples confusion on which one is the considered bride. If people offered gendered variations on congratulations to my wife and me, I would be slightly peeved. My wife is not the boy in our relationship just because I’m wearing a dress today. If this is something they asked you to put on the website I think you’re fine in doing so. While acknowledging they won’t be offended either way I might also take the opportunity to mention that they are both the groom. 

Post # 14
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

The only time I’ve ever heard of this rule was when it was a minor plot point in a Gilmore Girls episode. 😉

If you are designing a FAQ page and if it’s come up already and produced some awkwardness, I think it’s perfectly fine to list that. PARTICULARLY since their answer is that it’s not a big deal and people should just be happy without regard to vocabulary.

(Side note: it’s also fascinating that people would assume that homosexuality would automatically confound gender-based etiquette rules. They’re both men, for heaven’s sake — just as one of them is not “the woman,” neither of them is “the bride” — unless of course they are doing that as part of the day, and clearly they aren’t!)

In short, congrats to your friend and his beau!

Post # 15
491 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think it’s necessary because most people don’t even know the tradition, and like PPs have said, just because they are gay doesn’t mean one is a bride. At the same time, there’s no harm in adding it to the facts, so you might as well. 

Post # 16
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Being that your question was not whether it’s necessary but rather whether it would be acceptable, I would say it sure is. Since they will look it over before taking the site public, I’m sure they’ll make the best decision for them in terms of keeping it in there or tossing it out. In the meantime, I really don’t see what harm it could do to include the question. 


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