Post # 1
I do some design work on the side and am currently working on a custom wedding website for a friend who is marrying his boyfriend of four years. All of their friends and family are really excited for them, but one issue has cropped up that he wondered if it would be considered acceptable to address on the site’s faq and I said I’d look into it.
Some people when congratulating them, get flustered about whether to say Congratulations or Best Wishes because traditionally one says Congratulations to the groom and Best Wishes to the bride. Neither of them is bothered by either sentiment; but both of them find it really awkward when this happens. Even though people mean well, they would prefer not to go through this a hundred times on their wedding day.
Would it be acceptable to put somewhere in their website’s faq something like:
Question: I’ve never been to a same sex wedding, do I say Congratulations or Best Wishes?
Answer: Both Eric and Anthony are comfortable with either sentiment. Just say what’s in your heart and enjoy being a part of their day.
Post # 3
@Cappugcino: I’ve never heard of that tradition but I don’t see how it would hurt if you already have an FAQ page!
Post # 4
I have never even heard of that, interesting! The question is fine but I don’t think it’s necessary.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I have a vague memory of that tradition. An FAQ page seems like it would be a great idea since many have not yet attended an LGBT wedding so they probably have a lot of etiquette questions. I would check with the grooms to make sure they’re okay with any FAQs on the site before posting though.
Post # 6
@wrkbrk: The guys have a list of things they want in their faq page, this was the one they were iffy about.
@Birdee106: I think they’re hoping that on their wedding day people will just wish them well and not ask which one is okay.
@beachbride1216: The question was their idea, I’m pretty much just doing graphics and programming. I’m just executing my friend’s vision for his website. I’m having them check everything over before I upload their site
Post # 7
I think a FAQ on it is a bit over the top. Plenty of people told me congrats and I never thought twice about it and I’m aware of the tradition. In fact, the only time I ever thought about it was when people would say Congratulations, oops I mean I’m supposed to say Best Wishes to you. I don’t thikn a lot of younger people even know about this.
Post # 8
I’ve never even heard of that tradition.
Post # 9
As a bride, I was offered congratulations many times, and I don’t recall anyone saying best wishes. This is the first I’ve ever heard of this!
Post # 10
@Cappugcino: Another bee who has never even heard that. I don’t think its necessary b/c I think you will find the majority of people wouldn’t even know that. I’d say skip it.
Post # 11
It seems to be more widely known in the UK where they live, it’s happened more than half a dozen times, so I while it may not seem necessary to us, I can see their frustration. I mainly wanted to guage if it was rude and will pass along to them that it should be up to their discretion.
Post # 12
I think that’s a dying out rule but yes, I’ve certainly heard about it. But I just asked my SO & she has not (which shocks me truthfully lol) I don’t think it hurts anything to put it in the FAQ. =)
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2015 - Pharmacy Museum
I’ve never heard of this either but I assume since they are both identifying as grooms that the correct way for them to handle the situation is to offer congratulations. I can definitely see it being irritating dealing with peoples confusion on which one is the considered bride. If people offered gendered variations on congratulations to my wife and me, I would be slightly peeved. My wife is not the boy in our relationship just because I’m wearing a dress today. If this is something they asked you to put on the website I think you’re fine in doing so. While acknowledging they won’t be offended either way I might also take the opportunity to mention that they are both the groom.
Post # 14
The only time I’ve ever heard of this rule was when it was a minor plot point in a Gilmore Girls episode. 😉
If you are designing a FAQ page and if it’s come up already and produced some awkwardness, I think it’s perfectly fine to list that. PARTICULARLY since their answer is that it’s not a big deal and people should just be happy without regard to vocabulary.
(Side note: it’s also fascinating that people would assume that homosexuality would automatically confound gender-based etiquette rules. They’re both men, for heaven’s sake — just as one of them is not “the woman,” neither of them is “the bride” — unless of course they are doing that as part of the day, and clearly they aren’t!)
In short, congrats to your friend and his beau!
Post # 15
I don’t think it’s necessary because most people don’t even know the tradition, and like PPs have said, just because they are gay doesn’t mean one is a bride. At the same time, there’s no harm in adding it to the facts, so you might as well.
Post # 16
Being that your question was not whether it’s necessary but rather whether it would be acceptable, I would say it sure is. Since they will look it over before taking the site public, I’m sure they’ll make the best decision for them in terms of keeping it in there or tossing it out. In the meantime, I really don’t see what harm it could do to include the question.