(Closed) DESPAIR: cancel wedding?????

posted 14 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

The point here is No it’s not a bad idea to finance your wedding especially if you have money in funds or saving accounts where you are earning a good interest rate it’s actually better to take out a loan or pay with credit if the interest is lower than what you are earning in your accounts. BUT if you are in a situation where you are in so much debt that you need to seek credit counseling than getting a loan to pay for your wedding is not the best option.  Any credit counselor or finanacial advisor would tell you that. Being said as I commented earlier that should not stop you from getting married. I wouldn’t just go to a justice of the peace but do a short inexpensive destination wedding or something very small for family and friends. Actually I think I have a brides magazine from not too long ago where they show nice weddings at several price points and I think they start at $5k. If I find it I will scan it and email to you.

Best of luck I really hope it works out for you.

Post # 48
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 2007

I really understand your heartache but don’t give up, getting married on a budget is possible.  One of the reasons why we are in so much debt b/c we tried to go the traditional route and not move in together before we were married.  So that meant paying two separate bills (ie electricity, rent, food, and miscellaneous).  We would have saved so much more had we moved in together a few years ago but I think it was a good decision not moving in together.  Here are some tips from my experience on parts where you can save:

1) Wedding invites – Target has really cute ones and often has sales

2) Wedding dress – you really have to be diligent in shopping around and finding the best deal

3) Flowers – I incorporated silk flowers into the picture also and they were were beautiful. I had fresh flowers only at the Church which I only spent $100 on and for the sign in table and family tables at the reception. For the Church, I bought mine own vases and brought them into Albertsons to have them make an arrangement for me, I told them it was for a formal anniversary party instead of wedding, anytime you say wedding, the price increases.  

4) Bridesmaid dresses – I bought them 2 dresses one for church and one for the reception, found the good deals at Macy’s and Dillards.

5) Photography- I was able to find a photograher within my budget and the pictures were really good, not the "photo-journalistic" Style but he was still able to capture the moments.

I wish you the best and don’t post-pone your happiness because you don’t have the money. 

Post # 49
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Think about this – start with the wedding you can afford whether or not its what you wished for.  It will become the wedding of your dreams over the next 11 months while you plan and think of your own inexpensive touches.  I think most of the brides on this board will have a dream wedding, because they are spending significant time personally working out the details.  This kind of commitment will result in happy nighttime versions of your wedding day.

 

Post # 50
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2008

i’m so sorry to hear about what happened buti know how you feel. i was in a similar situation a couple of months back. 

weddings in malaysia is unfortunately expensive. my fiance and i announced our engagement about 8 months back and have had quite a fair few fights in between then and now. we both don’t have a lot of savings so when we got engaged, we thought we could afford the wedding of our dreams but when the numbers came in, we panicked.

the important thing is to calm down. it’s hard to do when you feel like everything’s falling apart but trust me, it’ll work out. sit down with your FH and talk about what’s really important to the both of you and what you both really want in your wedding and be realistic about it, taking into consideration your financial situation.

my FH and i live together and although working full time, we still have a credit card debt of about RM5k and bills to pay. the wedding is going to cost us about RM18k all up. so we’ve come up to an agreement where he’ll take care of the bills and our monthly expenses AND settle his credit card while i’ll take care of the wedding fund.

for the last 3 months, he’s been doing just that and i’ve been putting aside about 80% of my salary and saving up wherever we can. it’s been tough and it’s going to be tough until august but we are now seeing a little bit of light at the end of tunnel with another 5 months more to go.

there are many ways to have a beautiful inexpensive wedding. DIY is probably one of the best ways and you might have more fun preparing for your wedding than you think. the internet is a wonderful place to start for ideas … we’ve gone DIY from the wedding invites to the flowers. even the cake is DIY, courtesy of my future mum-in-law.

cheer up. things will work out. i wish you all the best … {jamie}

Post # 51
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2007

With the number one reason for divoce being Money, I don’t think going into debt, at any interest rate, is a good idea. 

 

You can do a wedding cheap.  I believe it was 300 to rent the chapel you were looking at?  Have you looked at other possibilities?  Some smaller churches (like my dad’s) will work with you, and the pastor can do the ceremony–just make sure you trust him.  I know for most people getting married in my church, you pay for the pastor (I think it’s 200-300 dollars, something like that?  That includes premarital counseling, which is a lot more fun and important that it sounds), you pay for the pianist (if you’re having the church’s pianist play) and you pay for the sound guy.  But if you have a friend or family member do the music, or you go with a more non-traditional sound, like playing something from a cd (just be careful how you do it, can be a little tacky), you’re saving a lot.  I would look for a beautiful but inexpensive dress… check out the sales.  Mine was less than 400 with alterations, I believe.  Cute, cheap shoes.  We went with silk flowers and I think we paid less than 250.  We opted for 2 receptions:  one at the church with everyone, and a smaller one at a banquet hall for family and visiting relatives (and those you know you have to invite because it would break your heart if you didn’t…. really good friends).  If we had stuck with the one at the church, the whole wedding (including photography, dress, suits, money for pastor, sound, pianist, everything you can think of) would have been around 2,000 bucks.  You can do it for cheaper.

 

We had a small budget in mind compared to most in the Chicagoland area (around 5,000) and we definitely went at least 1,000 over it.  But we did a lot of the little things I wanted, things you don’t have to have.  And looking back, some of the things I really stressed over aren’t the things that I remember about the wedding.  In fact, my friends who had really fancy cameras, who I also asked to take pictures (along w/the 2 photographers, who we got for 400 bucks) took amazing photos, just as good as the photographer himself, some better. 

 

I can’t imagine postponing the wedding though.  My husband and I wanted to be together so badly, we thought about moving the wedding up 2 months (would have been crazy).  But you want to be together NOW.  Don’t let preconceived notions of what other people have, or what you COULD have, stand in the way of that.   It’s not worth it.  Nothing is.

Post # 52
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

As a wedding planner, I say don’t settle and don’t go into debt. No matter which financial avenue you decide to take, you should not be paying off ANY debt from the wedding more than one year after the wedding. That goes for loans or credit cards or personal loans.

You can still have your day on November 1. Yes, the wedding industry is more than a $40 BILLION a year industry. That’s a lot of marketing to overcome! But, the most important thing is you joining with your husband.

There are beautiful sites available. You already have your chapel for a great price. Keep it. Have your wedding in the morning. After the ceremony, have a champagne and cake reception. You can have  MONSTER cake when it’s one of the only expenses. Chinese lanterns are beautiful, inexpensive decor.

Dreams are flexible. I would wager to say that your husband is not the first man you dated. And you probably thought some other man was THE ONE, if even for a minute or two. You decided that dream was not the dream for you. By the same token, the wedding you thought you wanted can change, too…AND STILL BE WONDERFUL!

I work with brides who begin planning 12 or more months out. They don’t postpone their wedding and they STILL change their minds about what they want.   I had a bride last year who bought a new dress after having already paid for a designer gown! It’s okay to change your initial thought process. Don’t let yourself get stuck on ONE idea of how your wedding should be.

Post # 53
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2008

Go to Vegas and get married. save up for couple of years and throw a formal wedding reception then. Just remember, you don’t want a wedding day, you want a marriage. Wedding day is only one day, but your Fiance is the one will be with you forever. Dont be stressed about that one day. Be happy and think how beautiful your life will be with your future husband. cheer up =)

 

 

Post # 54
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

Hi,

I read you post and I felt compelled to help out. I am an Invitation designer, and I am willing to get you 100 invitation, with RSVP cards and envelopes free of charge, if you are interested please email me, you can check out my store on ETSY

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5342642

 

Annie

Post # 55
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2007 - The PPG Aquarium at the Pittsburgh Zoo

<span class=”postby”>GetMarried4Less

 If you’re in Pittsburgh I can loan you some decorations.  I have lots of vases, bowls and lanterns if you are considering doing your own centerpieces and decorations.   You can contact me through my bee profile.

Post # 56
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2007

I know what you’re going through. We paid for our wedding all by ourselves. We got engaged 14 months before our wedding, but didn’t start planning until Feb. I seriously thought we weren’t going to make it with such little $$. I spent endless days & nights researching, which I literally lost sleep over, and then we set a budget that we knew we couldn’t go over. What we did was use our tax returns and $$ gifts from my bridal shower towards the wedding. With this $$ we made deposits and bought little by little things here and there for the wedding. I took up a few DIY projects. We booked a couple who had just started their photography business and they offered us a very low package. They took great pictures btw! Our flowers were DIY with some help. We paid a lady who arranges flowers on the side for dirt cheap. We bought the flowers and she put them together. At the end we put 1/2 of what we got in $$ as wedding gifts towards the reception. We were very fortunate that our venue wasn’t planning to deposit our payments until the end of the month, so we had 2 wks to make our final deposits.

There are ways to have a simple but elegant wedding on a tight budget, we did and we couldn’t be more happier. Here are a few advises for you to consider.

Do a lot of researching especially through wedding mags on budget weddings.

Take up some DIY projects and ask for some help from a few family members. I see that a vendor offered you free invitations, go for it!  

Look for new and upcoming photographers. They usually have really good packages for way under 1K. We found ours through The Knot. There’s are a lot of knotties who are very helpful with very good info.

Instead of flowers look into tall glass vases with submerge orchids and floating candles. This is in and it really looks elegant.

Look into trunk sales for your dress. There’s a lot of pretty dresses for a lot less during these kinds of sales.

Be positive! Take all these advises from brides and brides-to-be and you’ll see you will be getting married Nov. 1st. Good luck!

 

 

Post # 57
Member
44 posts
Newbee

I’m so sorry to hear about your upset.

If I was in your position I would not get married now and wait until you can save up enough money. My dad always taught me that if something has to go on credit, you can’t afford it. You don’t want to start a marriage in debt and I’m sure if you wait a little longer it won’t be too upsetting and you’ll be able to have the wedding that you want. In the meantime brain-storm ways to save money and be willing to settle for second best on some items if it means you can have other things you really want.

Best of luck!

Post # 58
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2021

Not sure if this is an option, but what about getting married on the original date, and then start planning your reception for a year later?  That’s what we’re doing, and it’s given us a year to save money which has helped tremendously, plus it takes a bit of the edge off as far as planning is concerned.  That way in the time being, you can get a better job, you two will be married so you can live together, and then you can actually celebrate the ceremony the way you had originally intended… and at the very least, you might even be able to do a vow renewal for all of the people at the reception who weren’t invited to the actual ceremony?  Just a thought.  Best wishes to you 2… I know how frustrating this all can be… but remember, if you go into debt over the wedding, that will only add to frustration in the long run… not a good start to a marriage that could have otherwise been happily ever after.

Post # 59
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2003

You don’t need money to have a beautiful wedding 🙂 You need two couples who are thrilled about getting married to each other and nothing more! Here is a great example…

http://www.bobbyearle.com/christinaandbrady

This wedding had almost ZERO budget. I don’t think it ended up anywhere near $2K even. But the two of them were so in love that it just didn’t matter! They had a great time 🙂   Also, getting married outside in a park (or at the beach, if you’re near a coast) is extremely affordable and classy. Just pay like $200 for the fee (that’s how much our wedding was on a cliff at the beach in San Diego), pay a little extra for white wooden chairs (no more than a couple hundred bucks), and get a good photogragrapher and BAM! You’ll have a simple, classic wedding and memories to boot!  Hope that helps 🙂 

Post # 60
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

In all my years I have never been to a bad wedding!! Its the people who you choose to share your day with that make the event!  Add candle light and its amazing what can happen!

 Sit down and come up with a new budget. You say you have $1000 from grandma– where else can you get money? In laws? Parents? Aunts and uncles– Heck if both you and the Mr both could save $125 a month that would be $2000 more.  More than enough to get married with!

Go to your local fire hall, community center, VFW– Forget a sit down dinner– Appetizers and wine can be elegant!  Skip the DJ and use an ipod!  What do you need flowers for??? A single rose looks elegant in any brides hands!

You can do this and it will be memorable!

Post # 61
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

It’s funny, many of my friends who had big, extravagant weddings say that their only regret is that they didn’t do something more intimate.

My friends who had something small say that they wouldn’t change a thing.

that speaks volumes to me. We’ve been planning an inexpensive wedding for 160 guests, but now we’re discussing cutting that to one with about 40 guests.

A wedding is supposed to be about love, not about inviting every darned person you know to show them what an extravagant party you can throw.

I say turn that $1,000 from your grandmother into a fun picnic with the people you care about the most. Don’t worry about perfection, just remember that you’re celebrating your love with your soon-to-be-husband and let the one-uppance go!

 Good luck hon!

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