- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015
I’ve been having some serious issues dealing with my emotions for the passed few months. I’ve been anxious, freaking out and I’m on the verge of tears almost all the time, and I don’t know what to do. Last week I spent a lot of time trying to focus on the biggest problem and I think I figured out what it is. I’m getting married in 10 days, and I’m not sure that I want to marry my fiance, or even get married at all.
Even after the countless sites and blogs I’ve visited, the stories I’ve read, and the similar situations I’ve heard about, I’m still compleatly lost. My fiance and I have been together for just over a year and a half, living together for just under a year, and engaged for 6 months. The wedding is in 10 days and everything is already done, and now I’m not sure.
I know everyone gets cold feet and pre-marital jitters, but I’m not sure this is what I want. I’m 20 years old. I haven’t gone to anywhere but community college(want to go to university), I haven’t been in a relationship that caused actual heartache after breaking up, I haven’t partied, I haven’t traveled, I haven’t done anything with my life or even really made a big decision that would affect me for the rest of my life.
I have a full time job, I’m paying my own bills and trying to pay for college. That’s the closest thing I have to doing anything. How am I supposed to tie myself down to someone when I haven’t experienced anything, and I want to do so many things for myself?
Marriage is a huge decision for anyone, and one that will follow you through the rest of your life. I don’t think I’m ready for it, and I don’t think I’m going to be able to continue my relationship with him if all it will do is make us miserable. For almost the passed year I have been unhappy to a certian extent, and after months of wedding planning, I have found out a few things:
I was excited at first but I found I have been depressed for a few months. I haven’t really cared about my wedding decorations, venue, food, dress, anything. Like my dress is just a dress, i dont really like my venue, and i didnt even choose a theme. Just a color, and i cant even put a true sceme together because i just dont care. I’m not happy. My relationship with my fiance is rocky more often than not, and many other things along those lines.
My fiance is a good guy. wonderful personality, would do almost anything for me, loves me, and is loyal, but I’m not sure if he’s the one. Or if marriage is even the road for me. So many of the problems we have in our relationship are because of him. He’s lazy, crazy emotional, over thinks everything, super increadibly clingy, and has terrible self esteem no matter what I do or say to him. And he has no real aspirations about anything.
My biggest issue with him is that he seems to need to be in some kind of contact with me damn near 24/7 and I can’t stand it.
We sleep in the same bed, he is within 10 feet of me at all times at home, he goes with me everywhere even when he doesnt need to. He even checks up on me if I spend a long time in the bathroom. He even worries if I dont talk to him for 3 hours if I’m out of town, and it doenst seem to be enough for him.
We even both work almost the same shift on graveyard so we carpool to save money since we only work like a half mile away form the other. He then continues to text me at work and gets upset if I dont reply. I tell him to go hang out with his friends at the bar, and he won’t because I can’t go to the bar with them since im underage. My family even notices the amount of time we spend together and worries about it. But no matter what I do or say, it doesn’t change.
I know if you love something, you want to surround yourself with it, but I feel suffocated and almost like I’m being compleatly controlled Just because he won’t let me have time to myself. The copious amount of time spent with him is amung some serious issues that we haven’t been able to work out, even with the countless times I’ve tried to talk about it.
I really don’t know what to do, and I don’t want to get married only to have it fail and be increadibly miserable, but I don’t want to hurt him. I love his family and I don’t know how I could tell them either. Not only that but my family is paying for the wedding, and I don’t know if they will support me in my decision. I have tried to make things work but I am having serious mental and emotional stress because of it.
Please give me some advice! I really need help.